


Darn right Stubborn

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Series: Messy, cheeky, darn right stubborn [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: It's been niall-and-Josh for the past seven years.Now if someone would like to tell Josh that you don't ditch your bestfriend for a girlfriend, that would be great.And if someone could tell niall what daddy and uncle Liam were doing while papa was away, he'd appreciate that.OrNiall life didn't start out the best and has been for from easy. Things only get worse, as he's just turned 15, and that means new emotions, new friendships and a whole load of secrets.The relationship between Niall & Harry/ Niall & Louis is purely parental love. No sexual business between parent and child.





	1. Chapter 1

Niall pov

"Come on joshy! You walk so slow" I whine as we're heading to mine to watch dvds and eat junk food and maybe share a beer if papa is in a good mood. It's a long shot; but he might let us.

"Why are you so eager to get home?" He laughs.  
"Cos' I'm hungry and I want to get out of these itchy clothes" I state, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Because it is.

"When aren't you hungry?" He laughs once again and I stick my tongue out at him.

 

We get to mine and i make us both a snack, which consists of a ham sandwich and a glass of Apple juice, that we take upstairs to munch whilst we decide our dvd list for the evening.

"Hi boys!" Papa shouts as we get to the top of the stairs. I dump my glass and plate on my bedside table and head into the office to see papa while josh is making him self comfortable on my bed and loading up the dvd player.

"Hey papa. Whatcha doing?" I grin. I loop my arms around his neck and he pulls me onto his knee so I can see the computer screen easier.  
"Serving a notice for dilapidation repairs" he chuckles.

"What was their breech?" I hum, glancing over the Lease regulations on the screen.  
"Not complying with section 2.6 of the Landlord and Tenant Act 1954"  
"Shit. That's not good. Does our client have to pay the initial repairs and claim the money back in arrears?"

"Yup. She is not happy. And don't swear, you've got that from your dad" he mumbles.  
"Sorry papa. I wouldn't be happy either though".  
"Anyway. Enough lawyer talk. How was school? Did you stay out of trouble?"

"School was good! We learned about trigonometry in maths and are learning about William Shakespeare in English! He was such a cool guy- he's written loads of stuff! Like Romeo and Juliet. Which is sad because they both die at the end, but the moral of the story is good" I ramble.

"And what's the moral babe?"

"That like, it doesn't matter what other people think. As long as you stay true to yourself and follow what you believe then you're doing okay. Sometimes people who love you will still hold you back for their own selfish reasons, but it's not your fault" I tell him.

"Wow. That's very intuitive. Haha. Go on babe, go enjoy your films. I'll order a Chinese soon for tea" he laughs and pats my bum softly. I give him one last hug before heading off to find josh.

Our night consists of sandwiches, chocolate, Chinese and coke (papa says no to the beer but laughs with it.)

We also watch:  Brave, Pacific Rim, Contraband, then we argue over the last film to watch.

"Moana!"  
"Nothing has changed in 7 years! Nooooo we aren't watching Moana again" josh complains.  
"But it's amazing!" I whine.  
"I know! But you've made me watching like 800 times in the past 7 years to the point I know all the words and gestures in the bloody film."

"Please?"  
"No" he says firmly but I can see his resolve begin to crumble.  
"Please joshy?" I whisper.  
"N-no"  
"Pretty please?" I beg. I kneel up and crawl over to him on the bed and snuggle into his side. I lay my arm over his waist and snuggle my face into his neck.  
"Please?"  
"Your breath tickles." He complains

"Please josh?" I whisper, my lips just grazing his neck.  
"Niall stop it" he warns but I just lick his cheek.

"Ew you gremlin. That's disgusting" he groans and wipes my saliva off his face. I laugh and lean in to do it again.

"Okay! Okay okay okay. You can watch moana" he mumbles, hands held up in defence.

I cheer and hug him as a thank you before cuddling into his side once again to watch the film. He lays his arm over my side and ruffles my hair gently which I melt from. I love having my hair played with.

I'm asleep before she makes it to the ocean for the quest.

_____

The next few weeks consists of our regular routine. Josh sleeps at mine Friday night, I sleep at his Saturday night. We go to the park and play football (or go rock climbing at the centre down the street if it's raining) and then we part ways.

Only for him to meet me monday- Friday every morning as we walk to school together. We also walk home together and most of the time have tea at one house or the other.

But Tuesday morning, everything changes.

"Hey Joshy! Who's that" I greet josh with a cuddle like always and try not to be offended when I only get a one armed hug back.

"This is perrie. She's in our art class" he introduces me to the petite girl. She's fairly tall and has long blonde hair but aside from that, she just looks like every other girl at school.

"Sup" I greet her with a head nod.  
"Niall! Be polite" josh scolds me and I frown at him. Why should I pretend to be posh? I always greet people like that and he's never complained before.

"Why?" I frown.  
"Becasue you're embarrassing me. I like her okay?" He whispers harshly at me.  
"But- but you're my best friend" I whisper.  
"Oh my god. you're so naive Niall. I like her as in i want to date her." He laughs and oh, that makes more sense.

"Oh. Okay"  
"So be nice yeah?"  
"Sure" I mumble, losing interest with this conversation. It's boring me now.

As we're walking to school perrie and josh walk side by side chatting. There's not enough room for the three of us to walk side by side so I walk behind them.

"Josh you're so funny!" Perrie snorts as she pulls her skirt down once again.

"Why don't you just wear a longer one?" I mumble to my self, not expecting her to hear me but she does. She turns around and laughs before continuing to walk. Josh however, turns around and glares at me. Which I shrug at in response.

Why doesn't she wear a longer skirt? Then she won't have to keep pulling it down every few minutes. I don't get the appeal to having to keep adjusting your clothes. It would be so irritating to me. Plus it would keep her legs warmer too. So really, it's a win win situation.

"Josh? Where are you going?" I mutter as we enter the school building and josh and perrie start walking in the opposite direction of class.  
"See you in class niall" josh mumbles to me.  
"But where are you going?"  
"I need the Bathroom" perrie smirks at me.  
"But Why do you both have to go?"

"So naive nialler" josh comments but doesn't elaborate further.  
"But what-"  
"-I'm going to suck his dick. Wanna come with us?" Perrie snaps before walking away and tugging josh to follow her. He does and I'm left standing alone wondering what would be appealing about having your Willy sucked.

The rest of the day is rubbish. Josh doesn't come to any classes meaning I'm by myself all day. Meaning it's rubbish and boring and lonely. He also doesn't meet me after school to come to my house like we arranged. I only find this out after he finally text back saying he's at perries. I leave school nearly an hour later than usual.

"Hey babe. How was school?" Papa asks as I enter the kitchen. I shrug and dump my bag on the chair.  
"What happened baby?" He coos, cuddling me into his chest and running my back softly.  
"Jo-"  
"-All set harry?" Dad asks as he brings one of the duffel bags into the kitchen and drops it to the floor.

"Are you going somewhere?"  I glance between my dad and my papa.  
"I have to go to L.A. for a few weeks to get a witness statement and some evidence for a case"  
"Oh? Um- okay papa" I mumble and he gives me a big cuddle.

"Call me if you need me Okay? I love you babe and I'll see you in a few weeks"  
"Okay. I love you too. I- I'm off to do my homework" I sigh.

I hate it when papa leaves for a bit. Yeah he always comes back and it is for his job but I miss him so much. And I can't talk to my dad the way I can my papa. He doesn't understand. Not like papa does. But even when papa doesn't understand he listens. I know I can still tell him and he'll try to understand. Dad is more logical. He sees things as 'this is the problem' 'This is the solution'

___

Over the next week, josh and I drift further apart to the point we acknowledge each other with a head nod. He has new friends now. Perries friends. He's in with the popular kids and let's be honest, who would trade that to hang out with lame little niall horan.

___

It's when Friday comes that it really sets in that I've lost josh to her.

 

"J? You sleeping at mine?" I mumble in English. He isn't even sat with me, but the row in front.

"Nah bro. I'm sleeping at perrie's" he smiles softly and I frown a little.

"But- but you always sleep at mine on Fridays" I whisper, a little hurt he's ditching me for his stupid girlfriend. AGAIN.  
"Yeah, but that's before I got a girlfriend nialler. When there's the opportunity to get some, it's rude to turn it down"

"What do you even do at her house. She's rubbish at Fifa and doesn't wrestle with you. I do" I pout and cross my arms defiantly.

"I fuck her niall. I get mind blowing sex and 9 times out of 10 a blow job or 2. God you're so naive Niall"

"I'm not!" I protest (even though I am).  
"You are. Do you even know what a blow job is?" He scoffs lightly.  
"Well- well i- shut up" I grumble.

"We'll hang some other time babe" he laughs then dismisses me as the bell rings. He quickly grabs his books and shouts a "see you in maths" before he heads off to music and I head off to gym.

I sigh but grab my stuff and shuffle my way towards the boys changing rooms.

"Watch where you're going" a voice warns as I bump into a boy with dreamy eyes and soft hair. It's his friend that confronts me though and he's huge.

"Oh- s- sorry" I sigh.  
"It's okay cutie. What's your name love?" Mr fluffy hair asks.  
"Niall, sorry for knocking you" I whisper, feeling my cheeks turn red as the inevitable blush makes it's way down my neck.  
"Don't be. I was miles away too. I'm Shawn, just transferred here and this is Justin, he's showing me around". Mr fluffy hair- I mean- Shawn, informs me.

"Ah, um? welcome? then I guess"  
"Thanks! Haha. Justin you can go to your class if you need. I'll tag on with Blondie for gym". Shawn tells Justin and winks at me, which causes me to blush even more.

"So, why are you fed up?" He asks as we start taking our shirts off to change.  
"I'm not fed up" I argue.  
"Babe you look like someone ran over your dog" he smiles then adds "you can talk to me. I'm a good listener and I give great advice"

"My best friend of 7 years is blowing me off to be with his girlfriend of a week" I sigh as I pull the gym top on and start removing my trousers.

"Geez dude that's rough. I get that a good fuck is good but you don't ditch friends for some whore"  
"She isn't a whore. She's actually really nice. Which is what makes it worse. Because other the fact she occupies most of joshs time, I don't have a valid reason for why I hate her. So I look like the dick." I sigh.

"Maybe talk to josh then?"  
"I've tried but I hardly see him anymore TO talk to him" I complain.

"Shit dude I'm sorry. You're welcome to hang with me and the lads" he offers and I thank him for his kindness.

 

Gym is shit but me and josh get to know each other better and he's actually a really nice guy, so it's no suprise that I have lunch with him and his friends, Sandy, Jon, Dan, Chloe and Megan - who are all lovely and make me feel welcome the minute I sit down.

"Have a good weekend niall" shawn smiles as he walks me to the end of my street. He lives a few streets over from me so it was ideal to walk together and I wouldn't mind doing it again.

"You too Shawn"  
"If you need me call me" he shouts  
"Same to you" I laugh as I head inside.

"Dad?" I Call as I make a glass of Apple juice and grab a pack of strawberries to eat whilst I do my homework.

There's not reply so I just he's upstairs and make a start on my English homework, whilst sprawled over my bed.

"Ug" I hear a groan and frown.  
"Dad?" I shout again but there's no reply.  
I hear another moan and make my way tinny dad's room.

Sometimes I hear dad and papa making weird noises but they normally sound like they're having fun. This sounds painful and im a bit worried. Especially since i know papa is in L.A.

"Dad?" I mumble as I open their bedroom door.

The sight alone makes me freeze 

"Yeah are you doing?" I frown as I see my dad laid on the bed with uncle Liam laid over him. Both of them are naked.

"Niall! How long have you been there?!" Dad snaps.  
"Um- a few seconds- wh-"

"-get out" he snaps.  
"But what are you doing?"  
"Ug. Liam stop moving. I'm gonna cum"  
"Wh- What?" I panic. That doesn't sound good!!

Why is Liam hurting my dad? What are they doing? What's a cum? Why is my dad sweaty? Is he ill? Do I need to call papa and tell him dad's ill and he needs to come back? Why is Liam pressing his hips against my dad's bum? What-

"Fuck Lou I'm close"  
"Stop thrusting into me whilst my son is stood there" dad snaps and Liam stops moving his hips."

"I'm gonna cum lou" Liam groans before collapsing on top of my dad. His body is shaking and I'm a little concerned he's having a seizure but then dad also starts shaking and I glance over him to notice some clear stuff over his tummy. It looks messy and disgusting.

"Wh-"  
"- Get the fuck out Niall! Why don't you ever listen to me!? Stupid fucking boy" dad snaps and I quickly leave the room.

I'm so confused. I have so many emotions running through my head at the moment. So many questions!! I can't even think straight. I don't even feel like I know anything anymore.

I hear dad crying and telling Liam how stupid he is and that Harry will never forgive him. I don't want to lose my papa. Or lose my dad. I especially don't want to have to chose between them!

 

Homework long forgotten, I silently cry myself to sleep. I know what dad did was wrong. Even if I'm not sure what he was doing. I just hope my family isn't the price he paid to have a 'cum'.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall pov

"Josh? Can- Can I talk to you?" I whisper during science.  
"Later noel- er- niall" he mumbles as he continues texting perrie who's at the other side of the room.

I sigh and lay my head on my arms whilst looking at the white board. I don't care about paint pigments and the periodic table. I care about whatever my dad was doing with uncle Liam and the fact was worried papa would leave because of it. On top of that I slept horribly, managing around 3 hours sleep. So I'm exhausted.

I wipe a few tears from my face and sit up properly. I then raise my hand and ask if I can go to the toilet.

"No. You should have gone at break time"  
"I didn't need to go at break time" I argue.  
"That's a warning. Speak out of turn again and you'll have detention" Mr Cheetall warns.

I just sigh and grab my bag before making my way to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"  
"The toilet" I tell him.  
"I haven't authorised that niall. Sit down"  
"No. I need the toilet. It's a basic human right" I snap before walking out of the classroom.

After going to the toilet and washing my hands and face, I head over to the football field and sit behind the stands. I lay my jacket out to sit on and grab my lunch, slowly making my way through my sandwich. Even though every bite makes me feel more and more sick.

 

"Thought I'd find you here. Megan told me what happened in science." Shawn says as he climbs under the bars to join me. He sits on the grass and helps himself to one of my grapes.

"I needed some time to my self. Well actually, I needed to talk to josh about stuff but he's forgotten who I am" I mutter bitterly.

"Want to talk to me?" He asks softly but I shake my head.

"Niall, I know josh is or was your best friend. But he's not acting very friend like. He's sold you out to be popular. A true friend wouldn't do that. But I know he means a lot to you, so I'll bite my tongue in future. But he's being a dick and you deserve better friends. Because a true friend wouldn't do what he's doing" Shawn sighs, like it pains him to see me getting hurt by josh.

"I- I needed to ask him what something was" I whisper.  
"What what was?" He frowns.  
"L-last night I saw my dad and uncle Liam um- doing stuff and- and I wanted to know what they were doing"

"I might need more to go on than that babe" Shawn frowns.  
"They- um- you can't tell anyone!" I start and Shawn promises he won't.

"They were naked and- and um- i- I don't know. They were in dad and papas bed and Liam kept moving against my dad and they were making weird noises. And they did a cum and it looked gross." I stutter, my face is angled at my hands but when I look up to see Shawn face, it looks almost comical. His eyes are wide and his mouth is open but keeps half shutting like he's lost for words.

"Okay- it- it sounds like they were having sex niall" he blushes.

"But- what?" I frown.  
"Come on babe. What 15 year old doesn't know about sex" he chuckles lightly but I can tell he's nervous, not making fun of me.  
"I know OF sex. Like- like I know what it is. Just- not-not about it"

"They were having sex niall"

"No. He wouldn't do that with Liam he- he can have grown up time with papa!" I argue.

"Just because he shouldn't have sex with other people, doesn't mean he can't"

"Bu- but what about papa? He'll be devastated if I tell him"  
"Do you have to tell him?" Shawn reasons.

"I- I guess not. But I feel like I should. What if he finds out I knew but didn't tell him? He could leave papa anyway but he might not want to see me either. I don't want him to leave" i whimper, tears once again falling.

"Hey! Hey hey it's okay. Come here. Shhhh. It's okay niall. Why don't you talk to your dad about it and find out what it and see why he slept with Liam? Then you can decide if you want to tell your paps or not." He soothes me. He sits behind me and cradles me to his chest, rubbing my back and my head softly.

"Will- will you stay with me? Yanno- while I talk to me dad?"  
"Course! I'll even sleep over so you have an excuse not to spend time with him" Shawn sniles and kisses the side of my head.

 

I may or may not blush (I do) and it may or may not make Shawn coo at me (It does).

 

"Niall! How was school? Listen babe, about last night, we need to talk- who's this?"

"Shawn. He's a friend from school. He's sleeping over" I tell my dad as we both take our shoes off and leave them by the door.

"A bit of notice would have been nice niall. Or for you to ask" dad chastis me.  
"You didn't tell me uncle Liam was sleeping over" I whisper and he sighs.

"I think we need to talk about that. Don't you?"

I shrug in response and roll my eyes at him.

"Niall- I'm not sure what you thought you saw-"

"- I saw you and uncle Liam having grown up time in papas bed" I mumble. Tears are already in my eyes at the pure betrayal radiating from him.

"Niall. Don't get upset babe, I'll fix this-"

"-how?! You slept with another man. Papa trusts you and you're laughing at him behind his back. You and stupid uncle Liam. How could you do this to us? How could you throw away our family for sex with someone else? Papa loves you and- and he's working hard to keep this house for US. He's the best thing that's ever happened to us and you've thrown him away like he's nothing!" I shout even through tears are fully flowing down my cheeks. I feel Shawn place his hand on the small of my back and rub calming circles into it.

"I won't have you speak to me like that Niall. I am your father and you will respect me" he snaps.  
"Like you're respecting papa?"

"That's different"  
"How?" I scoff.  
"Because I am the grown up and you respect your elders"

"Respect is earned" I say coldly before heading upstairs. I pull Shawn along with me when I go.

Once fully upstairs in my room, I break down and cry into my pillow. Well, I start crying into my pillow but Shawn pulls me into his chest and lets me soak his t shirt in snot and tears whilst he rubs my back and whispers 'it will be okay'.

"Hey Oreo. I'm okay baby" I smile at my black and white cat that has come to see if I'm okay. I stroke behind his ear and he purs before laying down next to me.  
"Oreo? Cute name" Shawn laughs.

"Do you want to watch a film?" Shawn asks once I've finished crying.  
"Um- sure. You can choose" I mutter and then roll over to answer my phone as it starts ringing.

"J-josh? What's up?" I mumble. Not the least bit interested in what he wants.  
"Hey nialler. Fancy going to a party tomorrow?"

"Um- n-no thanks"  
"Come on it'll be fun"  
"I'm not allowed at parties. Papa doesn't like me going to them"  
"Well. Tell your daddy you're sleeping at my house."  
"Why would I tell him that?" I frown.  
"Oh my god. So you can come to the party"

"I can't lie to him!" I gasp.  
"Sure you can"  
"One second" I mumble before pulling the phone away from my face and covering the microphone.

"Josh wants me to go to a party tomorrow." I tell Shawn.  
"You don't sound like you wanna go"  
"Never been to a house party before" I shrug.  
"If you want to go then go. But don't go if it's to please him".

"One condition" I tell josh and he laughs whilst asking "what?"  
"You're not allowed to leave me, at all" I say firmly and he mumbles a "Yeah sure."

"So, what film did you pick?" I ask as I chuck my phone on the bed side table and crawl into bed with shawn.

"Brave. I know it's Disney, But it's my favourite film" he mumbles and I beem at him. I LOVE DISNEY!!

"I LOVE this film. Play it!!" I squeal and he loosens up a lot.

 

"Mum! It's just me boooooow" I say with Merida and Shawnh howls with laughter.

 

Three films in: Brave, Lilo and Stitch and Despicable Me 2 later Shawn nudes my half asleep form to ask;  
"Mind if I sleep in boxers?" Shawn yawns.  
"Um? No. I'm sleeping in mine. Well, and- and a t shirt"

We both strip down to our boxers (I leave my shirt on) and crawl under the duvet.

"I sleep cuddle" I mumble as sleep starts taking over.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you" he smiles.  
"Whaddya mean by that?"  
"You love cuddles and affection. Makes sense sleepy Niall is no different"

"Sorry if I cuddle you" I yawn.

"I'm not. I awake cuddle" he whispers then the next thing I know, I'm being pulled into his chest.

He smells like coffee and freshly cut grass. It's really soothing. Especially when he rubs his hands over my back and sides.

"Night shawn"  
"Night Ni. Try and get some rest babe."

 

The next morning I wake up with my chest pressed to shawns chest (me laid on top of him) with to Oreo laid on my back. Our legs are intertwined and my face is smushed into his neck. I yawn and rub my eye lazily with my fist. I can tell Shawn is awake as he's rubbing in between my shoulder blades with one hand and playing with the little hairs at the bottom of my neck with the other.

"Morning" he whispers.  
"Hmmm. Yeah. Hi" I mutter, snuggling further into him and breathing in his scent. He still smells like coffee.

"Is that a bad thing?" He chuckles.  
"Hmm? What?"  
"That I smell like coffee?" He laughs and I blush as it sinks in I must have said that out loud.  
"No! No? No! It- I just- it was- i didn't mean to-"

"Shhhh. It's okay. It's okay I'm just teasing" he smiles and rubs my back softly. Oreo leaves to get some food and I stretch a little whilst he's gone.

"So, you ready for school?"  
"No. Can we stay here?" I whisper honsetly.  
"I wish we could. It's really comfy" he sighs.  
"No people. No drama"  
"Just you, me and a load of Disney films"  
"Heaven" I chuckle.

 

"So, can I borrow some clothes?" Shawn mumbles despite the fact that neither of us have made any attempt to move.

"Sure" I smile, taking in the beauty if his face. His chizzled jaw line. The prominent cheek bones. The fluffy hair. His emerald eyes. His inviting pink lips. I wonder what they taste like.  Wait what.

"Niall?"  
"What?!" I half snap. It scares me being shocked out of my trance like state.  
"You okay? You were really invested in staring at my nose. Have I got loads of hairs up there or something?" He jokes and I can't help it. O really can't. My mouth doesn't listen to my brain (not that it's working right now) and It just falls out of my mouth.

"Can i kiss you?"

He doesn't answer for a few seconds and I think I've blown it.  But I can't help it. His lips look so appealing and for the first time in my whole life, I've wanted to kiss someone. My dad's don't count. They were dad/son kisses. This is the first time I've wanted to kiss someone with meaning.

"I- if you want to"  
"Really?" I whisper. I can already feel my heart rate increasing at the thought of pressing my lips against his.

"Yeah. If you're sure" he smiles.  
"Um- god this is embarrassing. I- I haven't um- kissed anyone before" I stutter.  
"It's okay. I'll lead. Try and copy me, okay?" He reassures me and I nod numbly. I can't really concentrate in what he's saying right now. Especially when his lips press against mine.

I feel my breathing falter slightly and as stupid as it is, I forget to kiss back. I'm too caught up in the moment. He presses his lips softly against mine a few times before grabbing my chin and angling it up slightly. I start kissing back then. It's only a little bit as I'm still trying to copy Shawn, but I feel him smile into the kiss.

I feel a hand on the small of my back, rubbing little soothing circles there. That's when he licks my bottom lip and slowly licks his tongue into my mouth. He licks my teeth slowly and I feel myself tense up. He must sense it as he removes his tongue and goes back to lip kisses. He soothes some of my hair down and cards his fingers through my messy locks, settling his hand in my hair to help guide my head.

I pull away a few seconds later, panting, but very content.

Wow. Just wow.

"Ni?"  
"Hmm?" I hum from where my face is smushed into his neck. My breathing Is laboured but I'm so happy right now. That felt amazing.

"Stop this babe" he mumbles before I feel a hand on my thigh (as high up as possible without touching my bum) and that's when I realise my hips were rolling against his.

"Oh. Um-sorry?" I stutter.  I'm not quite sure I should apologise because I don't know what my hips were doing. Or why. All I know is I liked it. But for some reason, Shawn didn't?

"It's okay babe. Listen, I know all this is new to you, okay? So there's no pressure. Your pace darling"

"Thank you" I mumble through a lazy grin. My brain is officially mush right now.

"No problem babe. If you need me to, like, explain anything as well. I don't mind"  
"Promise?" I whisper.  
"Yeah! Yeah I promise"

"Oh, okay. Thank you. Um- can- can you tell me why my- um- my Willy is stiff?" I whipser. I'm so embarrassed that it's done the. But even more so that I don't understand why. Meaning I have to ask Shawn, why. Meaning he now knows my Willy is hard from kissing him.

"It just means that your body is reacting to the kissing. It means, well, it's called arousal. Your body is aroused from us kissing"

"O-okay"  
"Does that make sense?"  
"No. Um- not really" I whisper. I feel bad that he's trying to explain stuff to me and I'm too stupid to understand it. But at the same time, I'm so greatful he's not laughing. He hasn't even smirked at me one little bit.

"Okay so um. Okay, in order to have sex, your Willy has to be hard. Or it can't go inside the other person, yeah?"

I nod slowly as I play with the little hairs on his chest.

"Right, so, when we do things that arouse our bodies, we can get hard willies. It doesn't mean we have to want to- sometimes we can get aroused but not have wanted to do things- so if that ever happens to you niall- you haven't done anything wrong. Okay? That's assault and you need to tell someone." He explains.

"Okay, I will"  
"Promise? You need to tell either me, your dad or your papa"  
"Yeah. I promise I will" I nod. I understand how serious that is. I don't know why people wouldn't tell other people if they're hurt like that.

"Good. Good boy" he smiles and kisses my lips a few times.  
"So, you know when your dad and Liam had sex and you said they cum?"

I nod slowly.

"Cum is white stuff that comes out of your Willy when you have an orgasm so if yoy r body is super aroused, the white stuff comes out and that's an orgasm."

"Oh? Oh. Yeah tha -that makes sense" I blush.  
"I think we should leave that conversation there babe. But if you have any more questions, you know where I am" he smiles softly at me then kisses my lips a few more times. I obviously kiss back.

"Thank you for- um- explaining things and -n- not laughing" I stutter.  
"Its no problem babe. I sense you normally talk to josh about these things?" He smiles and I nod a little from where my head is laid on his chest.

"Maybe you could have a chat with him at this party?"  
"Yeah. Maybe. We should probably get ready for school" I mumble, just as my 7:30 alarm goes off.

I groan in response and Shawn laughs but reaches his arm over to turn the alarm off for me.

 

"Morning boys" my dad smiles tightly as we enter the kitchen. Shawn did end up borrowing a shirt (that's my papas because mine were too small) but ended up wearing yesterday's jeans as mine also didn't fit.

"Hi Mr Tomlinson" Shawn smiles.  
"Hi" I mumble. I make Shawn and myself some toast and a cup of coffee and we sit at the table talking about our plans for the weekend. Shawn brings up me sleeping at his house that night and I frown before twigging on he's giving me a cover story for the party.

"Yeah, sounds good. Dad, I'm sleeping at shawns tonight"  
"What? No, niall we need to discuss the other night" he frowns as he looks up from his laptop.

"I don't want to" I challenge.

"And I said you're not sleeping at shawns house. I don't know him. I haven't met his parents. Anything could happen." He snaps.

"Yeah? Like me going to a party instead? That is happening. I'm going to a party with josh" I snap.

"Like hell you are. Your papa wouldn't let you go to a party and neither will i" he roars.  
"Well papa isn't here" I mutter and roll my eyes at him.

"Niall. You aren't going. End of story. If you arent home by 4pm I'll call your papa myself and tell him"

"Cool. You can tell him what you and uncle Liam were doing in his bed" I state. I don't know why I'm being so mean to him. Or being rude. That's really not like me but he's made me so angry at him for having sex with someone else.

"Niall- I can't believe you-" he whispers but I cut him off.

 

"We both have things we don't want papa to know. Let's just both keep our mouths shut" I threaten before standing up and taking my plate to the sink.

"I don't know why you're being so immature about this" he snaps.  
"I'm immature? I don't know how. You're the one that couldn't wait a few more days till he comes home"

"He'll be back in another week niall. At the earliest. He's had to stay longer."  
"You still could have waited" I mutter.

"Niall. I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry you caught us. I'm sorry for cheating on your dad. I'm sorry-"

"-If he leaves us because of this, I'll never forgive you" I say firmly as we stare eachother in the eyes. He doesn't reply, but I can see his whole resolve crumble and he sits into the chair.

Shawn follows me to the door and we grab our bags before leaving for school.

 

"Ni? Niall? Niall?" Shawn says softly as he places his hand on my arm to spin me around and I turn to face him.  
"What?"

"Why are you crying?" He coos and pulls me into his chest once again. I didn't even realise I was crying.

"Was I t-too Hard on him?"  
"No baby. No of course not. You're just scared yeah? You don't want to loose your papa"

"I really don't" I sniffle.  
"It's okay. Shhhh. Wanna skip?" He asks.  
"No. My papa will be disappointed if I do"  
"Okay. Come on"

 

We get to school and both go our separate ways to our lockers, agreeing to meet in home room. On our way though we bump into josh who once again doesn't even acknowledge me even though His eyes meet mine so I know he saw me. I feel shawns hand on the small of my back and we just keep walking.

 

Shawn pov

 

After grabbing my books from my locker, I head to form room, and coincidently bump into Josh on the way.  
"You could still acknowledge him you know" I mutter.  
"What?"  
"Niall. Your best friend of 7 years. Just because you're in with the 'cool' kids, doesn't mean you ditch your old ones." I snap at him.

"Yeah well. They're bettet than him" he shrugs and I clench my fists.

"So why invite him to the party? Why give him false hope?"

"He's my ticket to get in with the cool kids"

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I'm using him to be cool" he laughs.

"Why would you sell out someone as harmless as niall. What's he ever done to you?"

"Nothing. Nothing really. I just wanna be popular, and he's my initiation I guess" he shrugs before walking off.

"Yeah? Like he'll go anywhere with you once I tell him that" I shout. He turns around and laughs.  
"Like he'll believe you over his best friend of 7 years" he mocks.

 

One thought is running through my mind:

SHIT.  WHERE IS NIALL !?!


	3. Chapter 3

Niall pov

I don't end up seeing josh or Shawn all day. But I do see Josh just before the end of the day and we go straight to his to get ready for the party.

"I won't have anything to wear though" I grumble.  
"You can lend some of my stuff. You've done it before."

 

We get half way home before I hear Shawn shout me. I turn around to see him sprinting to catch up to us.

"Hi shawn"  
"Hi Niall. Can I talk to you. In private?" He pants lightly.  
"Um- No? What ever you have to say, you can say in front of Josh" I frown.

"He's using you. He told me. He's using you to get in with the cool kids. You're his initiation" he tells me and i can't help it. I laugh.

"Don't be rediculous"  
"I'm not niall. I promise I'm not. He told me" he insists.  
"I don't believe you"  
"-niall-"  
"-No. I don't believe you" I snap at him.

"Why would I lie?"  
"Because you're jealous? Because you don't want me to have friends? Bec-"  
"No niall. I want you to be safe-"

"-i am safe with josh. You don't know us, okay? You don't know us." I mutter before heading off towards joshs house. He follows me and I see Shawn cross the road to his house.

 

I end up wearing some black skinny jeans of joshs. That aren't very tight on me but look good anyway. I then wear a white V neck polo and my white supras.

The party is loud and there's a LOT of people there when we arrive but luckily, josh leads us to the basement were he said there were less people.

There are in all fairness. There's a small bag from one side of the room to the other, with two 3 seater sofas facing eachother with a coffee table wedged in the middle.

Perrie is here. Of course she is. So are three other boys and another girl who are sat around drinking.

"Hey josh! Hey Blondie. Come in. Grab a drink. Make yourselves comfy" one of the boys says.

"Niall this is; Jordan, Ryan, Logan and Jade. You know perrie" josh introduces and they all smile and wave at me.

"Nice to meet you bro. Wanna drink?" Jordan asks before handing me a beer.  
"T-thanks" I mumbke and take a small sip.  I gag slightly at the taste before swallowing the fizzy liquid. I don't like beer. Not really.

 

"Joshua. I'm offended that your plus one doesn't like my beer" Jordan jokes. At least I think he's joking.  
"N-no I do-um- sorry" I stutter out (just in case he isn't joking.)  
"He's so adorable" jade squeals and I feel my face flush red when everyone stares at me.

"Leave him alone. You're embarrassing the kid"  Ryan laughs.  
"M- m not a kid"  
"Babe you look about 12" Logan scoffs.  
"I'm the same age as Josh" I argue.  
"Yeah but he looks 15. You look about 12" Perrie adds.

It feels a bit like a personal assault. Like they're all ganging up to pick on me. I don't like it.

"Right. Drink this" Horan grins and hands me a plastic cup full of.... something?  
"W- What is it?"  
"You'll find out when you drink it"  
"That doesn't sound very safe" I mumble.

"Josh. I thought you said this kid was cool? He isn't acting very cool to me." Jordan mutters and I feel like I'm embarrassing josh again in front of his new friends. So I take the blue plastic cup and drink it.

I can hear cheers as I'm downing the drink and I can feel some of it slosh into my shirt as I can't swallow it fast enough but over all it's not tooooo terrible. It's really fizzy and strong but doesn't taste  bad as such, more, weird.

"That's my boy" josh shouts once I move the cup from my face.  
"W-what- memamamem" I mumble as I try to reach the door to leave. I don't make it before my legs cave in and I fall forwards. Luckily Ryan catches me and slides me over to the couch, before sitting me down.

"Wh- fathatha" I try to tell them  
"Hahaha that's great" perrie grins.  
"Why didn't we do this earlier" Ryan smirks.  
"What was that niall?" Jade asks and I try to tell her again

"M'fath'atha" I can feel my head roll to the side and I start to wonder what was actually in the drink.  
"I slipped you some E niall. Aren't I nice" Jordan grins.

The thing is, I can hear and see everything clear as day. I just can't speak or move. It's like my coordination has gone out of the window.

"Wh- thafaa"  
I stammer which radiates another round of howling laughter.

"Niall?"  
"Hmm- pethi?" I him as my head rolls back and I face the ceiling. It's too much effort to support my own head so I just leave it there.

"Do you want a blowjob?" Josh asks me.  
"Noth- pethi" I mumble. I'm trying to tell him no because he's dating Perrie.

"You want a blow job from Perrie? Do you know she's my girlfriend?" Josh snaps at me and I try to tell him again, I don't want a blow job from anyone.

"Noth'. Bo joth"  
"Come on josh. If he wants me to suck his dick, I'm more than happy to oblige" perrie whispers and that's the only warning I get before my button is un popped and my zip is pulled down.

"No'th" I tell them. I try and push the hands away from my jeans but I can't seem to locate them with my hands or eyes.

"Come on mate. It'll feel great" josh smiles and then my jeans are slid down to my knees. I whimper. I don't want this. I don't want my Willy sucking, especially not in front of all these people.

I know I'm not the biggest down there but I'm not fully developed yet and for Christ sake I don't even have pubic hair yet.

"Awe cute little baby" perrie laughs as she drops my boxers. I try to lift my head up from where it's resting on the back of the couch but can't seem to get the neck strength to do it. So I just lay there and stare at the ceiling.

"We're are your pubes?"  
"Do you shave them?"  
"No you can tell he doesn't shave. Have you even started growing them yet?"

"Me'th" I lisp out.  
"Shhh. It's okay baby. This will feel so good" josh soothes but I can tell it's mocking not reassuring and I try with all my strength to sit up. But it's like my muscles have gone to sleep and my brain is mush.

The next thing I know, my Willy is grabbed and the only way I can describe the feeling is, like a washing machine. My Willy feels like it's in a washing machine. It's all wet and sloppy and I can feel what I assume is saliva dropping onto my thighs and it's so disgusting.

"You gonna cum for her?" Someone asks and I shake my head as best I can. I don't want to cum. Not for her. Not for anyone. I feel a tight pull in my stomache before I get shivers and goosebumps all over my skin. I then wet myself. I assume it's wee.

I feel someone play with my dumplings and it feels so weird and itchy.

"Neeerg" I whine and try to pull away.  
"Babe you lasted like 10 seconds" Ryan smirks.  
"He's a virgin. What do you expect" Logan laughs and I wonder how he knows that.

"Well, he was. No so innocent now are you nialler?" Josh smiles at me and I want to punch him. Actually I want to go home and cuddle my papa and my daddy and Shawn and tell them how sorry I am.

"Probably- should put you on the pill pez. Don't want any little virgins getting you knocked up" josh adds and I freeze. I have no idea how or where the strength comes from but I sit my head up and glance at everyone in the room. They're all looking back at my with equally shocked expressions and I'm guessing I shouldn't be able to sit up whilst high on E.

"Can- could- baby- bloth' job?" I mumble out.  
"N-"  
"- Yeah. She can get pregnant from a blowjob" Ryan nods slowly and I feel both dizzy and sick at the same time.

 

I don't want a baby! Especially not with perrie who is my best friends girlfriend!!

"No- wat'h"  
"I know you don't want a baby darling, but that's what happens when you cum so early" josh sighs and I feel my body deflate. 

I didn't even want the blow job in the first place. I didn't want the E, and wouldn't have drank the drink if I'd have known it was in the cup. If I didn't get that then I could have been firmer with my "no" for the blow job and wouldn't have possibly gotten perrie pregnant and have to have to learn how to raise a child!

"Its okay niall. I'll do a test in a few days to see" perrie sighs.  
"So-thy" I slur.  
"It's okay" josh snaps. I don't know why he's mad at me. If he didn't want perrie to give me the blow job he should have said no. Or listened to me say no.

"But in the mean time niall. We won't tell anyone, until we know. But you can't either" Jordan informs me.

I flop my head to the side as it's too heavy for my to keep up right and sigh.

"Pa'tha"  
"No niall" josh says firmly.  
"What did he say?" Ryan frowns.  
"Papa. He wants to tell his papa" josh laughs.  
"Awe. Little baby still calls his dad papa" Logan goads.

"If you tell ANYONE, I'll tell EVERYONE" Logan snaps and I nod my head that I understand.

 

I hear josh telling them that because I have two dad's, as a child, it was easier for me to call one dad and the other papa. I guess the names just stuck. They all seem to have a good laugh at my childhood dilemmas.

"Hey niall?"  
"Y'sh?"  
"Want a tattoo?" Logan grins.  
"No'th"  
"Okay. If you can sit up, I won't give you one. Becasue I don't think you're in any for state to decide that you don't want one" He smirks.

The next thing I know, I'm being rolled onto my tummy with my face resting on a pillow, laid long ways across one of the couches.

"What tat do you want?" Logan asks me.

"No'th at"  
"Okay. I can do that" he laughs.

I hear the light buzzing of the needle before it's pressed to the back of my neck and I tense up.

"If you tense it will hurt more" logan informs me.  
"If you move it will look shit" he adds when I try and wiggle away from him.

"No'th. 'Lease" I whimper. I'm saying 'no please' - Okay more like begging and crying but I'm terrified. I don't want a tattoo. I didn't want a blow job and I certainly don't want a child.

"Guys maybe we shouldn't-"  
"- Don't you back out on us now josh. This is your initiation. Do the tattoo on niall, and you're  in with us. Don't, and you'll be just as lame as your little friend here" I hear one of the boys say. 

I think it's jordan but can't be too sure. I can't concentrate on their voices over the betrayal radiating from Josh. Shawn was right. He sold me out to be popular.

This is the final stone. I realise josh is one of them when he asks "What do you want me to write?"

He doesn't reply but I feel a pen write something on my neck. It's quite low down, so just above my back, but big letters. I can't make out what he's written though.

"Are you sure?" Josh sighs

"Are you a man or a mouse? Do the tat or get out of my house" Jordan snaps.

I feel the needle touch my neck and start crying properly. I cry. I beg. I plead. I offer them money. They don't budge.

It feels like a lifetime later when the tattoo is done and whoever is pinning my arms and legs down, let's go.

I shoot up as fast as I can and back away from all of them.

"Ni- i- I'm sorry"  
"S'tath 'way me" I slur.

I stumble my way towards the door, my legs giving out with each step I take so I'm pretty much crawling by the time I'm at the basement stairs.

"Niall where are you going?" I hear perrie ask.  
"Hom' " I slur.  
"You'll never make it home in that state. Come in niall, let me take you home" Ryan offers but I shout at him to "go' th'way".

 Once outside I dig my phone out of my pocket and slowly find shawns name in my contacts. I press his name and call him as I walk down one of the streets. I keep stumbling and nearly fall a few times but I see some people stare at me and roll their eyes. They think I'm drunk.

"Ello? Niall?" I hear Shawn yawn.  
"Sha'th"  
"Niall? Are you okay? Are you drunk? Where are you?" He rushes out.

"Par'thy"  
"Niall? I need you to tell me where you are babe. Where are you?"

"I- no'th par'thy. I go hom'. "  
"Yeah babe. You can go home. I'll come and get you. Just tell me where you are".

"No'th" I tell him. I don't know were i am. I just keep walking.

"Niall? Stop walking. Now I'm going to hang up on you and call your dad-"

I whine at that and tell him no. But I do sit down, because my legs are tired. I can't see a bench nearby so I plonk myself down on the grass and stare at my phone. Shawn hung up on me.

I get a phone call a minute later and it's my dad.

"Lo?"  
"Niall? I've just spoken to Shawn and he said you left! WHERE are you?"

"No-no" I whine. I don't know where I am.

"Okay babe. I'm tracking your phone right now. You're 5 minutes from me. I'm coming to get you baby. Stay right there "

"Wan' papa"

"I know you do. So do i okay? We'll call him yeah? When you're sober so your dad won't know about you being drunk."

"Yush" I mumble. My neck is stinging. My head is throbbing and  I'm feeling really tired so I lay onto my side and rest my eyes. Aka, I go to sleep.

 

"Stay with me niall. Keep talking to me" my dad shouts.  
"Hmmm" I hum.

 

I black out after that.


	4. Chapter 4

Niall pov

When I wake up, I'm in my bed. It's really strange as I don't remember getting home last night. In fact, I don't remember much from last night. I remember the party. I remember getting there and drinking something I was later told contained Ecstasy. I remember perrie giving me a blow job and then being told I could have gotten here pregnant

I sigh at the thought of being a dad at 15. I wince at the thought of having to tell MY dad's I'm going to be a dad at 15.

It all feels a little too much. Too much has happened over the last two weeks and I'm struggling to keep track of it and keep my head above the water -so to speak.

I run my hands through my hair and then stretch out. I then itch the back of my neck and nearly cry at the burning sensation I get. I then remember the tattoo. I once again sigh.

I lean over and stroke Oreo as he nudges his head against my hand. He does that to make sure I'm okay. I stroke him behind his ears and say morning to him. He lightly bites my fingers before going back to sleep.

I sigh once again as my head hurts.

"That's a lot of sighing" I hear someone mumble and nearly shit myself when I look over and see Shawn laid in my bed next to me and- oh- That's why I woke up so comfy.

"J-just remembering last night"  
"Hmmm. Good luck with that. You were totally out of it when we picked you up"

"Wh- what do you mean?" I frown.  
"Me and your dad came to get you. You were passed out on the grass outside some random house. Luckily some lady waited with you when she saw the phone was still connected to Louis."

"O- oh. Um- s-sorry for worrying you. And- i- I'm sorry for being mean to you about josh" I mumble as the flood gates open and tears slowly start making their way down my face.

"Hey? It's okay babe. Come on. Don't cry" he soothes as he sits up. He pulls me into his chest and rubs my back as I once ahain cry into him.

"I- I feel s-so stupid"  
"You aren't stupid babe. You wanted to give josh the benefit of the doubt. Give him a chance to prove he's a good friend? Yeah?" He soothes and I nod slowly.

"Did he prove he's a good friend?" He asks a few minutes later when my breathing has calmed down. I'm still cuddled into his chest but I don't care and I don't think he does either.

"N-no" I stutter. I want to tell him everything. But I remember being warned not to.

"What happened?"  
"I- I don't want to talk about it" I lie. Shawn sighs but gets up to go to the bathroom. I use that time to slip on a t shirt and hoodie that will hide the tattoo. I don't know what it's a tattoo of, but it can't be good. I then change my boxers and pull on some jeans and socks.

"Hey, I need to head to mine before school and I have the doctors so I'll see you in English?" Shawn smiles as he comes back into my bedroom.

"Kay" I nod numbly. My head is pounding and my throat is like the Sahara desert, but it's self inflicted so I make my way down stairs and grab some toast and a cup of tea. My dad is in the kitchen when I come in but hes on a phone call.

"-aware of that. You can't just- okay. Okay." He sighs. He covers the microphone and asks me to leave him to talk for a few minutes. I sigh but nod and head off to feed Oreo. He's always over the moon to see me.

"Oreo?" I Call out as I wonder the house looking for him. Normally he's like my second shadow, following me literally everywhere I go. But today he isn't. I frown but head up to see if he's laid on my bed. He isn't. I head over to his bed. He's not there. I check the litter tray, scratch post, and food stations. He's not here.

I sigh and head back into my room to check under my bed and that's when I see him. He's laid on one of my hoodies next to my wardrobe.

"Hey baby" I smile at him and he lifts his head slowly at me. I poke my foot against his stomache as he normally play- attacks my feet. He doesn't. He just lays there and I frown.

"You okay Oreo?" I ask him as I sit down next to him and stroke him gently. He doesn't reply obviously but he does slowly crawl over to me and lays on my knee.

"Oreo. You're scaring me" I whisper.

He looks at me and it's like he sighs. I put my hand on his chest and stroke him gently. I can feel his breathing falter and less than a minute later, he stops breathing.

"Oreo? Oreo come on. Breath" I whisper. I shake his little tummy but there's no response.

"No. No no no no no no. Don't do this to me please" I beg as I shake him harder. He doesn't respond and i feel like my heart has been smashed into a million pieces.

"Dad!" I shout as I stand up. I pick up Oreo carefully and race downstairs to find him.

"- you have to give me reasonable notice- "

"- Dad!! Oreos not breathing!" I shout and he turns to glare at me.  
"Niall, I'm on the phone"

"But dad Oreo-"  
"-later!" He snaps.

"He's dead dad. He's not breathing-"  
"- I'm losing my job niall! I don't care about your stupid cat right now!" He roars and I see the horror in his face when it sinks in what he's said.

There are tears streaming down my face and I turn abruptly to leave.

"- Niall-"  
"- save your stupid job" I snap.

I head up to my room and carefully lay Oreo on my bed. I then barricade my door with my set of draws. I crawl in bed and pick Oreo back up, cradling him to my chest.

"Why did you have to die. I need you. I need you. I love you. Please know that. Please know I love you. I love you so much. Please come back. Please. Please come back Oreo." I mumble.

I've given up on wiping my tears and I've given up on wiping my nose. They just keep leaking.

I just sit there. Numb. Cold. Lifeless. Just like my best friend. I don't know what to say to him to make it better. I don't know how to direct all these emotions somewhere constructive.

I don't know how to tell him that he's my best friend. That he has been since I was 4 years old. That he was my comfort when I was sad and scared and lonely. That he cheered me up like no one else could. I'll miss the way he used to claw my feet in my sleep. Or run his claws through my hair and try to eat it as opposed to playing with his 400 toys. That I love that he slept on my bed curled up on one of my jackets all night every night with out fail.

I don't have the words. So I don't speak. I try to remember the way he would sit on the laundry basket in the bathroom whilst I was in the bath. I laugh cry- when I rememebr the time he got too close to the edge and fell in.

I remember his blue little eyes and they way he tried to eat my fingers at any chance he got. My hands and feet are covered in little Oreo sized claw marks.

I keep stroking him. I don't know what else to do.

I hear my dad knocking on the door asking me to let him in. He also tries getting in but the draws are firmly wedged under the handle.

I just feel so numb.

 

It's around an hour later when my phone rings and I see it's papa.

"H-hey papa" I croak out. I'm trying not to sound upset. I know how important this evidence is for his case so I don't want to hinder that.

"Hey babe. How's it going? How's things there?"  
"Um- good- things are good" I lie but I can't help choking on a sob when I look down and see Oreos lifeless body laid on my knees.

"Niall? Niall are you crying? What's up babe? Talk to papa" he rushes out.

"You- you have t-to get the evidence"  
"Fuck the evidence. My baby is upset and I need to know why. Talk to me baby"

Where do I begin?

Dad slept with uncle Liam  
Josh ditched me  
I think I fancy Shawn  
I was drugged  
I was given a blow job but didn't want one  
I got a tattoo of something on my neck  
Dad hates me  
Oreo died

"Oreos d-dead" I croak out and a new round of tears starts. Even though I don't think they ever really stopped.  
"What? Baby when?" He gasps and I can feel the pain in his voice.  
"J-just now. He- he was cuddling me and- and he- he stopped breathing" I cry.

"Oh baby I'm so sorry. Where is he now? Where's your dad?"

"O-oreo is- is on m-my knee. D-dad was s-shouting cos he's lost h-his job" i hiccup.

"Oh baby. You know what? I'm coming home. I just need to get a flight baby and I'll be home. Okay? Let's see, ah, there's one in an hour. I'll jump on that and be with you in 20 hours babe. I know it's a long time-"

 

"-t-the evidence"

"It can wait. Fuck the evidence niall. If my son needs me- I'm there. Okay? I'm sorry it will take so long- but this time tomorrow I'll be with you okay??"

"K-kay papa"  
"It'll be okay babe. I love you"  
"I love you papa" I whisper.

 

Harry pov

I love being a lawyer. I love having connections. After hanging up with niall I tell my team that there's a family emergency and I need to go home. The director of my team says he knows of a private plane hire service that can get me home in 10 hours. Half the usual time. I just have to pay for fuel.

 

"Hmm the faster we go the more fuel I use" The man hums. He's having me on. I know he is.

"5k to get me home within 10 hours" I say firmly and his eyes light up at the sound of money.

"Right this way, Sir."

 

My team agree to stay out there and get the work done that we need, whilst I go and see to niall.

I'm asleep for the first 6 hours of the flight. Have a sandwich and a coffee whilst I draft some invoices and a few new leases. I can't pist them yet but I can save them and post them once I have signal.

I also send a load of emails so that we I land, ther server will pick back up and send them for me.

 

Colin (the private plane driver) stops on a field 10 minutes from our house so I transfer him the money and head over to see niall and louis.

I try to unlock the door but the key is in the other side so I knock really loudly instead.

"It's not a good time- I- harry?"  
"Hey Lou. Surprise" I grin.

He stands aside and let's me in and I dump my bags before pulling him in for a kiss. He hums at first but does kiss me back after a second.

"Where's niall?"  
"He's locked himself in his room. He- Oreo died"  
"I know. He told me. We spoke on the phone earlier. Why, why did you snap at him?" I frown.

"I- i was on the phone to rob and he said they're laying me off. Can you believe that? After all the shit I've done for him. He's sacking Me!" He rants.

"That doesn't mean you take it out on niall. 11 years he's had Oreo. 11. And he's just died and you called his cat stupid" I hiss at him. I don't want niall to her us shouting. It upsets him.

"I- i know. Okay? I was just having a bad day and- and I took it out on niall. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't let me in"

"Can you blame him?" I mutter and Louis rolls his eyes at me.

"Niall??" I Call. He doesn't reply so I head upstairs to see him. I open his door, only for it to get stuck under the draws. Once again, I force the door open with my shoulder and the sight breaks my heart. Niall is curled up around Oreo and has fallen asleep stroking him. His face is fuffy, red and blotchy. A sure sign he's been crying.

 

"Baby?" I whisper. I shake his shoulder gently and he slowly opens his eyes to see me.  
"P-papa?"  
"Hey baby. I'm back." I smile. He dives onto me and cuddles into me so hard it hurts. But i don't  blame him for needing comfort.

"How about you get some more sleep and we can talk when you wake up" I suggest as I smooth some of the hair from around his face.

"O- okay papa" he croaks.  
"How about, I lay Oreo in his bed? He can have a little sleep and we can sort him a funeral tomorrow?" I suggest. It's not very hygienic for him to lay with a dead corpse but I know how much he loves Oreo, so I won't just throw him in a box.

"O-okay c- can we cuddle?" He stutters and I reassure him that once Oreo is comfy in his bed, I'll get into nialls for a cuddle.

I get Oreo laid in his bed and my heart shatters all over again when I see how distraught niall looks. He's sat silently crying again and I coo before slipping into bed behind him and laying him on my chest.

I run my Hand gently through his hair and the other soothing hand makes circles on his back.

 

A few minutes later niall is asleep and Louis pops his head in.

"Is he okay?"  
"Not really. His cats just died" I mutter. What a stupid question.

"Sorry" he mutters.  
"Why didn't you comfort him?" I ask quite harshly.  
"He wouldn't let me in-"  
"- Why?"

"We've been arguing a lot" he confesses and I sigh again.

 

 The next few days are rough. 

 

Niall has them off school as he's in no emotional state to go. Niall and Louis barely speak to eachother and I can't help but wonder what they argued about. It must be serious. Niall doesn't hold grudges.

 

"Wh-what are you doing papa?" Niall asks from the doorway in my.

"Just got a new client babe. Preparing a witness statement for him" I tell him and I wave him in. It fascinates me how interested niall is with my cases. He always asks me how things are and did I get the disclosure bundles sent in time. He's also got an impeccable memory. I tell him something once and 3 years later he can repeat it word for word.

"What's the claim for?"  
"Rape" I sigh. I'd rather not have to tell him things like this, but they do happen and If I can make him more aware of things, there's a higher chance of him knowing what to do to prevent it and the steps to take to report it.

"W-what the- like- um. How do you define rape?"

"Rape is defined in most jurisdictions as sexual intercourse, or other forms of sexual penetration, committed by a perpetrator against a victim without their consent. The definition of rape is inconsistent between governmental health organizations, law enforcement, health providers, and legal professions" I recite.

"What does that mean?"

"Okay, so, rape means any form of penetration by any object or body part, do your finger or Willy or say a pencil. In any part of the victims body, so in their mouth or up their bum. Without the victims consent"

"But- is- is it rape if it's in their mouth? Is that still s-sex?"  
"Yeah niall. That's still rape and that's still sex. It's called oral sex. Which is doing body parts going in the mouth." I explain.  
"Is- is it just sex if- if it's in the bum?"

"Yeah. That's known as anal sex" I inform him. I knew the questions about sex would come at some point. I thought he'd be younger than 15 but nevertheless, I don't mind answering them for him.

"What if- if the person doesn't say no?" He whispers.

"That doesn't matter. Consent isn't just saying no. It depends if the person says yes as well. If they didn't say yes or show signs of wanting to, that's rape"

"But- how would you know if the person wanted to? The- r-rapist could just lie"

"There are six mitigating circumstances that rape falls under. If you can prove any of these happened then it's rape. Regardless of another evidence"

"W-what are they?"

"The first one is assault to the victim. The second is assault to a third party, so, if the rapist threatened someone else in the room, unless the victim did sexual things. The third is detainment, so,If the person is tied up or restrained. The next is asleep. If the person was asleep, they were unconscious and couldn't consent. The next is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Again, they're not fully aware of their situation and can't be legally consent. The last one is if the person is mentally of physically incapable of consent" I explain to him and he's sat on my bed mulling things over.

"Why are you telling him this?" Louis snaps from the doorway.

"He asked. And he deserves to know. That way we can prepare him for some of the monstrous people out there"

"I don't want my son knowing about rape".  
"He's OUR son" I snap.

"I- I have a-a headache" niall mumbles and I hand him my water bottle so he can keep hydrated.

"It's probably stress and worry babe. I'm sorry me and your dad just snapped at eachother" I soothe.

"Yeah, I guess" he sighs but doesn't elaborate. I feel Louis stiffen next to me.  
"Tell me. What ever is going on between you two. Tell me now"

"I- niall went to a party and got drunk last night" Louis sighs and niall looks appalled at him. Not that he told me, but I get the feeling Louis is hiding something also.

"Niall? Anything you want to add?" I ask carefully.  
"No" he lies.  
"Tell me babe. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong"

"I- i don't want to hurt you" he whimpers and I cuddle him to my chest.  
"Baby you could never. You could never hurt me. Tell me. I promise I won't be mad"

 

"You- you won't like it" he whimpers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo....
> 
> What do you think niall will tell harry??
> 
> What do you think the tattoo is??
> 
> Who cried when Oreo died??


	5. Chapter 5

Harry pov

"I don't know where to start" niall whimpers.

"Shhh. It's okay babe. Start from the beginning. You've gone through more than you're letting on. If we know, we can fix it" I soothe. I sit on the bed next to niall and lift him so he's sat sideways on my knee. I put my arms around his waist and he cuddles into me.

"I- I don't want you to h-hate me"  
"Baby we could never hate you. Me and your dad love you so much. You have no idea how much" I soothe him once again. He tucks his head under my chin and I glance over at Louis. He's stood in the doorway but hasn't spoken or made any attempt to move or comfort our son.

"O-okay" he stutters but doesn't continue.

"Okay babe. What's going to happen is, you're going to tell me and your dad what's you've been going through. We will listen until the end, I promise. We won't be mad at you and we will discuss this like grown ups when you've finished. Does thay sound Okay?" I say to both niall and louis. WHO STILL HASN'T MOVED.

"P -promise?"  
"We promise. Don't we Lou?"  
"What? Y-yeah" he sighs. Something tells me one of nialls secrets is keeping a secret for Louis.

"W-well um- josh got a girlfriend. S-she's called perrie. So um- he- he ditched me at school and um- hung out with her friends. I- i started hanging with a boy called Shawn- and- and he's really nice. Um- his friends were really welcoming. So- um- some stuff happened and Shawn was nice and explained what it was and- um yeah." Niall stutters.

"And what was this some stuff?" I frown and niall glances at Louis who nods ever so slightly at him but doesn't meet either of our eyes.

"I- I saw dad- um- d-doing something with- with uncle Liam and um- I asked Shawn what it was" he whispers and my heart shatters.

"And w-what were they doing babe?" I ask as casually as I can. I think I know, but I don't want to jump to any conclusions just in case.

"When- when I described it to shawn, he said they- they were um- sex. Which is what you-you and dad meant when you said you were- h- having grown up time"

"Okay babe. Thank you for telling me" I smile softly. Like my heart hasn't just been pulled out of my chest, set on fire, smashed into a zillion pieces and scattered all over the world.

"Do- do you hate me?" Niall mumbles.  
"No! Niall of course I don't babe. Why would I hate you? You haven't done anything wrong babe" I gasp.

"I- I didn't want to tell you- cos I didn't want to hurt you" he mumbles and I can tell he's crying so I kiss his head softly and rub calming circles into his back.

"You haven't hurt me babe. Thank you for telling me. I'm not mad at you okay? But this is something me and your dad will have to talk about later" I tell him.

"A-are you getting a- um d-divorce?" He looks up at me and whispers. His eyes are wide like he's terrified and with the little tear stained cheeks, he looks so small and vulnerable.

"I- I don't think so babe. But- i can't comment on that until I've spoken to your dad" I sigh. I don't want to split up with Louis. Lord knows I don't. But I can't just ignore the betrayal.

"O-okay"  
"Keep going niall" Louis mumbles from his place near the door.

"So- um Shawn was really nice and didn't um- laugh or, make me feel stupid. He- he let me sit with him and his friends- so- so I wasn't alone"

"That was nice of him" i smile.

"We kissed."  
"You and Shawn?" I ask rather shocked. I always thought josh would be nialls first kiss. The first of many things. The way that they've looked at each other over the last 7 years, is with nothing but love and affection. Hollywood's greatest actors couldn't have been more convincing.

"Yeah. Am- am I in trouble?"  
"Why would you be in trouble babe? You're old enough to kiss people. I'd rather you wait a while to do other things, but you're allowed to kiss. I'm just suprised it wasn't with josh" I say honestly.

"Me and josh aren't friends anymore"  
"That's a shame babe. Maybe you can work things out when the dust settles with him"

"Hmmm. Maybe. Are you mad that I kissed a boy?" He sighs. My heart breaks that he would have to ask that.

 

"Why would we be? Your dad and I are both boys and even if we weren't, there's nothing wrong with being gay, or bisexual" I assure him and I glare at louis, subtly telling him to come and sit with us and SAY SOMETHING. Just so niall knows Louis isn't mad or ashamed or disappointed in him.

He comes over and sits next to me and runs his fingers softly through nialls hair.

"I- I don't think I am- i- I don't like people. Like- I've never liked anyone before or been- um- interested in anyone before shawn. He- when I look at him- my- my tummy goes all fluttery and- and I feel nervous but happy. When I see him I go all weird and- and um- like I'm excited to see him and I'm sad when I'm not with him. But- but I just- I really wanted to kiss him and my stupid brain told him that and- and we kissed" he stammers.

"It's okay to not find other people attractive or be interested in them. It could just mean you weren't ready or it wasn't the right person. But it sounds like you have a crush on Shawn. Did he kiss you back?"

Niall blushes and nods softly. Bless him. He really likes this boy.

"That's good. It means he might like you. Why don't you talk to him about it? See if he likes you as more than friends?" I suggest and niall shakes his head furiously.

"I can't"  
"You can babe. You just have to be brave. If he does you can decide what to do about it. If he doesn't, you can still be friends"

"But- but he won't want me. Not- once he knows"  
"Knows what?" Louis frowns. This is the first time he's input in the conversation and both niall and myself glance at him.

"Perrie- perrie is pregnant" he sighs. But I don't understand what that has to do with him and Shawn.  
"Well, that's joshs mistake. Not yours. You can't put your life on hold becasue josh got his girlfriend pregnant." Louis chuckles lowly and I nod in agreement.

"He- he didn't. It's mine" he whispers so quietly Louis and I barely hear him. 

We both glance at eachother with wide eyes and I can see Louis is about to lose it, so I grab his arm and shake my head. It's clear niall is already distraught about this. It needs handling with care and a gentle ear. But at the same time, we both need answers as to why niall is having sex after admitting to not being attracted to people. Why is he having sex with his ex- best friends girlfriend.

"Niall? Look at me please" I say firmly but kindly. He keeps his head low but raises his eyes to see me.  
   
"Why did you have sex with Perrie?" I ask cautiously. The last thing I want to do is scare him but I- we need answers!

"I didn't want to" he mumbles and I see Louis looks just as traumatised as I feel, at the thought of our son, our baby, being touched when he didn't want to.

"Okay sweet heart. You aren't in trouble. Just talk to us" I soothe.  
"We aren't mad at you" Louis adds and niall takes a deep breath.

"J-josh invited me to a party and- and I went because I thought it meant he wanted to still be friends and- and we could talk and - and it would be okay" he sniffles and I can tell he's about to cry.

"Have a moment if you need one" I encourage.  
"You're doing great niall" Louis adds.

"So I went and- and one of the guys gave me a drink- and- um- told me to drink it. I asked what it was- but- but he wouldn't tell me. I said no because it didn't seem safe. B- but he started complaining to josh that- that I wasn't cool and- and I didn't want to embarrass him again- so- so I drank it" he whispers.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I already hate where I assume this story is going but I don't want niall to think I hate him or blame him, because I certainly don't. When I open my eyes niall is silently crying into his hands and my heart shatters all over again.

"It's okay babe. It will be okay. Daddy and papa are here" I soothe him and once again rub calming circles into his back. Louis kisses his head a few times and tells him it's okay too.

"Can you keep going?" Louis asks a few minutes later. Niall sighs but does slowly keep going.

"I- the drink was sour and um- My legs gave out and I was dragged over to sit on the couch."

Louis gasps and i see tears gather in his eyes. Unfortunately I'm all too familiar with where most stories go, unlike Louis who tries not to pay attention disasters and attacks that happen. Not to be ignorant, but they upset him. I'm used to it with work. But that doesn't make it any easier to find out my son was attacked.

"J- josh asked if I wanted- um- a b-blow job and I tried to tell him no. But I was told the drink had Extesy in it and um- I couldn't talk or move. I tried to tell him no and- um- he didn't- er- um- listen. Perrie you know. Pulled my jeans and briefs down and um- s-sucked my willy"

"Then what happened?" I ask softly.

"I- um- I had an orgasm- um- I didn't want to- but- but- but I couldn't hold it and um- it was in her mouth and she swallowed my- um- stuff" he whispers but all I can think is; I'M GOING TO KILL JOSH!!

"What happened then babe?" Louis mutters.

"J- josh said she could be pregnant and- um- they'd do a test and tell me. He text me this morning. She is and -um and it's mine"

"No she isn't niall. Well she might be, but it's not yours if she is" I sigh, both relived and fuming.

"B- but-"  
"-They were messing with you. You can't get someone pregnant with a blow job. Your Willy has to go inside their vagina and you have to ejaculate inside her, for that to happen." I tell him carefully. It's clear he knows more about sex than me or Louis have told him, so I'm assuming Shawn was nice and explained some things to him. But I don't know how much detail he went into and don't want to scare niall.

"Oh- so- they were laughing at me- pretty m -much all this time" he mutters and I can see his disappointment in josh.

"I'm sorry babe" I mumble and Louis says he is too.  
"At- at least in not a dad" he whispers.  
"Yeah that's a plus." I smile softly at him. I'm preparing myself to tell him he needs to report the rape to the police.

"C-can you ask if I can move classes? So- so I'm not in with perrie or- or josh?" He mumbles.

"Yeah babe. The police will do that when they take a statement from you" Louis assures him.

"What? No? No police" He panics. Eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"Niall you were raped. This needs reporting" Louis stresses.  
"I - I don't want to. Everyone will know. And -um I don't want them to"  
"Niall you've done nothing wrong-" I start but niall cuts me off.

"-i have-"  
"- No you haven't" Louis comforts him.  
"What kind of idiot gets raped by a girl" he mumbles angrily. He stands up and tired to leave but I grab his hoodie and pull him back.

I stand up and pull him into my arms and he breaks down. He full on cries. Puffy eyes and snotty nose and chocked sobs. It crushes me.

I feel Louis wrap his arms around niall too, but on his other side.

"It's gonna be okay baby" Louis hums.  
"Doubt it"  
"It will. Because I've got you and your dad has you. Every step of the way" I add on.

"I'm so stupid"  
"You are not" Louis says firmly.

"I was raped by a girl" he mutters, like he can't quite believe it.  
"It's nothing to be ashamed of. You haven't done anything wrong. It's not your fault niall"  I inform him.

 

I run my hands through his hair and down the back of his neck but he winces and pulls away from me.

"What's wrong?" I frown.  
"May as well tell you. You'll find out anyway. After she- um sucked my W- willy. Jordan made josh- um- give me a t- tattoo?" He mutters into my shirt.

"A tattoo?!" Louis shrieks and pulls nialls hood a little to see it. He whimpers softly and pulls away when he sees it. Tears in his eyes and hand covering his mouth.

"W-what does it- um- say?" Niall mumbles. He hasn't even seen it.

I glance at Louis and he shakes his head. He can't speak.

I pull his hood away from his neck and gasp at the marking permanently embedded on my son's neck.

"It doesn't matter babe. We can pay for the removal" I assure him.  
"But what does it say?"  
"It doesn't matter Niall-"  
"- tell me" he whispers.

It's almost like his life depends on this. Like he has to know.

"Queer" I mumble and I feel his whole body deflate against me

"Why that word? Out of all the words in the world. Why that one?" He cries. He still has nightmares about the mud hole and the bear and being bullied as a child for having development problems. That word sets the anxiety off for him. He remembers. He remembers it all. He has nightmares and flashbacks and it's not uncommon for us to wake up with him in our bed, even though he's 15.

 

"I'm never getting over this"  
"It course you will. Me and your dad-"

"- don't pretend you care about me" niall mutters and I frown. I do care. I care about niall more than anyone or anything else in this world.

"I do care Niall-"

"-You chose my dad. You didn't chose me. I was just part of the package. When you leave my dad you'll leave me" he murmurs and I can feel the pain in his voice. He thinks I'm going to leave him if I leave Louis.

"Niall- that's not going to happen. I chose you just as much as I chose Louis. I love both of you and if- I'm saying IF- me and your dad split up, I'll always love you and I'll always be your dad. I'll always be here for you niall" I tell him. I lay his hood back down gently and card my fingers through his hair slowly.

"Promise?" He whispers.  
"I promise baby"

"I- I know you and my dad have- have um- to talk about- stuff- but I need you. Both of you" he whispers and I've never known my son to loo so fragile and radiate such a small persona.

"You'll have us both. Forever and always babe. Even if we aren't together. You'll always have us" Louis hums and kisses nialls flashy hair.

"Papa?" Niall checks with me.  
"Yeah babe. Forever and always" I assure him.

"Can- can you lend me some money? T- to um- get rid of the- um tattoo?"

"We'll pay for it baby. Don't you worry. I'll call some of my contacts tomorrow and see who's the best. We should also get some creme on it so it doesn't get infected" I tell him.

"But you- you do need to report what perrie did babe" Louis sighs.  
"O-okay." Niall mumbles but i can tell it's the last thing he wants to do.

"Why don't you set up a dvd and get some snacks whilst me and your dad talk things through" Louis suggests to niall and he nods softly.

"Please don't leave us. I need you" he whimpers as he hovers in the doorway. Greasy messy hair. Red face. Puffy cheeks. Eyes wide and full of tears. My heart breaks even more.

My son has never looked as damaged as he does right now.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry pov

Once niall leaves the room I feel my anger towards Louis flare up. I'm not angry that he cheated, well I am obviously, but I'm even more livid that niall caught them. He's so innocent and naive, he shouldn't have to be exposed to things like that. He shouldn't have to see his dad having sex, never mind cheating on his other dad!

"So- um. You handled that well" Louis sighs once niall has left the room. I close the door and glare at him.  
"Well one of us had to. You barely said 2 words" I snap quietly. The last thing I want is for niall to hear us arguing.

"I didn't know what to say-" he tries to defend but I'm having none of it.

"- and I did?! " i mutter.

We both sigh and I sit on the bed next to him but leave a gap in the middle of us.

"Do you think we can work through this?" He asks softly.  
"I- I don't know" I answer honestly and I see him deflate.

"I'm annoyed you cheated of course I am. But I'm even more annoyed that niall caught you having sex. I thought we agreed to shield him from the sexual things we do after what happened with Molly and social services?"

"We did. I didn't hear him" he sighs.

"12 years we've been together and not once has he seen and hopefully not heard us doing anything other than small kisses. That was the deal louis. That was our arrangement" I snap.

"I know! I know. You can't make me feel any worse than I already do" He sighs.  
"Awe boo who. Heaven forbid I make you feel bad by being honest." I mutter.

There's an uncomfortable air between us and the silence is deafening. But neither of us speak for what must be another 5 minutes or so.

 

"How many times?" I ask cautiously, breaking the silence, needing to know but at the same time, not quite sure if I want the answer.

"Haz-"  
"- How many times?" I say a little firmer.  
"Don't do this to yourself haz-"  
"- You did this to me. How many times have you had sex with him!?" I snap and he mumbles something under his breath.

"4" he mumbles.  
"Four times?" I scoff.  
"I won't insult you by saying it was an accident. But it was a mistake"

"No it was a choice. You chose to sleep with him. You chose him over me. You chose him over our family. Not only once but four times" I sneer.

"I'm sorry"  
"Fuck your apologies." I snap. I stand up and pace the room, hovering near the desk and leaning against it with a sigh.

"If I could take it back, I would."  
"But you can't" I mutter.  
"I know" he sighs and it's followed by another deathly silence.

 

"Where?" I mumble a few minutes later.  
"Harry-"  
"- Tell. Me. Where."  
"No" he refuses and I laugh dryly.

"No?"  
"I'm not telling you. I'm not going to hurt you any more than I have. It won't change anything"

"You don't get to make that choice"  
"Yeah I do" he says firmly.  
"No. You don't. You lost that right when you slept with Liam" I shout."

"I won't tell you" he whispers. His resolve has shrunk slightly. Although he's backing down with how's he's saying it,  he's not backing down with what he's saying.

"Fine. Well then let's play a game. Shall we? It's called, guess who fucked who and where. I can always tell when you're lying anyway." I say sarcastically.

"Haz don't do this" he begs but I ignore him.

"Let's see. You're too tight fisted to pay for a hotel and Liam wouldn't do that incase Danielle found out so it was at one of the houses. But based on the fact niall caught you I'm assuming at least one of those times was here."

"Don't do this. Please"

"I'll take that as a yes. So. It wouldn't have been on the floor, you hate being cold whilst having sex. The couch? Could be, but theres not enough room for all the shuffling you do. The kitchen table? Possibly but you like being a little princess and being all comfortable. So that leaves the beds. I don't know if I'd rather you fucked in our bed or nialls bed"

He doesn't say anything but he is crying softly. For the first time since meeting him, I can't find it in me to care.

"I hope you respected our son enough to know do that in his bed"

He nods slowly, confirming what I thought from the start. He had sex with Liam in our bed.

"All four times?"  
I whisper. Not that it makes a difference. One time, four times, sixty two times - the betrayal is still there.

"T-three of the times"  
"Where was the other?"

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. I can see the guilty and disgust on his face. Like sleeping with him in OUR bed wasn't bad enough. He had to-

"I washed the bedding"  
"Oh? Well that fixes everything. Gold star. Dad of the week for fucking Liam in your son's bed, because you washed the bedding" I mutter.

"Haz- I know what I did was wrong. I'm so sorry. I honestly am. I know you don't trust me right now but you did once. I earned your trust once and I'll do it again. Just give me a chance."

"I don't think I can. Do you have any idea how shit I feel about myself and about the sex we Had? That you chose to get it from him?!"

"You didn't do anything wrong-"  
"- But?" I laugh, but theres no humour to it.  
"But nothing" he frowns.  
"There's always a but. There must have been a reason you fucked him. Or did he fuck you?".

He puts his head down and that answers that.

"Is he bigger than me?" I whisper. It's stupid because I'm 8 inches there abouts and that's not exactly small.  
"No" he shakes his head but doesn't elaborate.

"Is he better than me?"  
"No harry- there's no rea-"  
"- There is a reason. Tell me."

"He- he's rougher- than you are" he mumbles and I'm speechless. He Had sex with someone else because I wasn't rough with him? Because I'm not into hurting people or being aggressive at any point, least of all during sex.

"So, all this is my fault?"  
"No! No no. Of course it isn't-"  
"-It is in your eyes. I can see it. You blame me because I'm gentle with you during sex" I scoff. I can't believe this.

"I asked you to be a bit rougher" he shrugs.  
"And I told you it's not my thing. I don't LIKE hurting people. I don't ever want to hurt people, least of all you. I thought you enjoyed it romantic" I whisper.

"I did! I do! Just every now and then I want it harder and a but less- clean cut"

"And because I wasn't prepared to give you that, you went else where?" I fill in.  
"In sorry haz" he sighs.

"Yeah. Yeah me too" I mutter. I grab a duffel bag and throw some jeans, shirts, boxers and socks into it. I then grab my wallet, phone and car keys.

"Don't go-"  
"-I need to. I'll watch this film with niall and arrange for the tattoo to moving but I need space from you louis"

"Where will you go?"  
"I don't know. Hotel probably" I mutter.

I leave the room, leaving Louis silently crying to himself and dump my bag at the bottom of the stairs. I head into the living room and see niall curled under the duvet, snuggled into his pillow watching Brave.

"Hey babe" I whisper, crouching down and sitting next to the couch. He glances up at me and smiles but it fades when he sees my face and I can see the confusion on his face. I haven't cried. Not yet. But I'm close to crying. 

"Hey papa- did- um- are you doing somewhere?" He mumbles, looking over at my bag on the floor.

"Me and your dad just need a bit of space. We aren't breaking up but we have a lot more to discuss and - I think- in order for us to work through this- I need a little time to come to terms with it." I explain to him gently.

I card my fingers through his hair slowly and wipe the tears gathering in his eyes with my thumbs.

"Don't cry babe. This isn't good bye. This is- I'll see you soon. I need this niall" I whisper and I think he knows. He can tell I need time to digest the information and betrayal.

"I'll miss you" he whispers and bites his lip as more tears fall down his pale little cheeks. I can tell he doesn't want me to go. I can tell he's being honest when he says he'll miss me. I can also tell he's trying to be brave and not make me feel guilty for leaving (even though i already do).

"I'll mise you too babe. But I'll come back. Okay? I promise you I'm coming back. But for now, I can't stay here. But you can call me and text me and I'll call and text you everyday. I'll still be here for you baby"

"Okay. Okay papa."  
"I'll come with you to get the tattoo removed, if you want me to"

"I want you to"

He rushes out and I smooth some of his hair down and back in place.

"Okay babe. I'll pick you up from school tomorrow and go with you. Maybe get a cheeky Nandos too" I wink and he giggles at me.

"I love you"  
"I love you too niall. I'm only a phone call away. Okay?" I assure him and he nods his head softly.

"I'm going to go babe. I need to find a free hotel yet"  
"Text me when you've found one" he whispers and I assure him I will.  
"I'll text you about tomorrow" I tell him when he sees me out of the door.

"Hey? Try not to be too hard on him" I sigh, glancing up at our bedroom.  
"He's the reason your leaving"  
"I know babe. He didn't mean to hurt you".  
"But he did. By hurting you, he hurt me." He mumbles.

"I know babe. He's trying to fix it. Just give us both time".

 

The next few days are weird. I'm living out of a suitcase in a hotel and I hate every second of it. I end up working from home (aka the hotel room) so I don't have to get dressed or look presentable or get out of bed.

I can't get niall booked in for his tattoo removing as they can't laser over the ink for at least 2 weeks after getting it done.

 

So here I am. Wearing a three day old T shirt. Eating cherios out of the box. Laptop perched on my belly whilst I blag my way through a break notice.

 

Niall pov

The next few days are weird. I miss my papa. My neck really hurts and I assume it's infected. I asked dad to put some creme on it but he wouldn't even open his bedroom door. He hasn't since papa left. I've told Shawn everything. I cried into his arms after having tea at his house for the third night in a row since my dad hasn't cooked anything for me to eat.

He went to the police with me after my dad wouldn't. He sat and held my hand whilst I mumbled and cried my way through telling them what happened. And them getting pictures of the tattoo.

 

Which leads us to now. I'm sat in front on Mr Jones (The head teacher), Perrie, Josh, Jordan, Logan, Ryan and Jade.  They each have a lawyer sat with them. There are two police officers in the room taking notes of everything.

"So niall, is there anyone you would like with you?" One of the police lady's asks me softly.  
"No" I whisper.  
"Any adult" he offers and I shake my head.

I told Shawn before I went in I didn't want him there with me. I tried getting my dad to come, but he wouldn't leave his room again.

 

"Okay. Well. Niall, why don't you tell us your side of the story and we can try and fit a time line together" Mr Jones says.

"I- um- i-in front of- them?" I whisper. Nodding towards the others.  
"Yes. This is a meeting to discuss what happened."

"I- I can't- not- not to them" I whimper.

"I sucked his dick. He jizzed in my mouth. We joked and said I was pregnant and he was dumb enough to believe it" Perrie says pointedly. And most of the room bursts out laughing. It makes me feel even shitter about myself and as much as I try to wipe the tears, they keep falling.

 

"Think you forgot the part where you drugged my son with Extesay and gave him a vile tattoo" a voice booms from the doorway. I glance over and see papa stood there in his Ralph Lauren suit, brief case in hand and the firmest look I've ever seen on his face.

"And who are you?" Joshs lawyer snaps.

"I'm nialls papa and his lawyer. Thanks for attending the meeting, but it's not necessary. We aren't interested in settling this out of court and you had absolutely no authority speaking to my client without me present. Never mind the fact he's a minor and should have had an adult representative in the room, with him, at all times. You are all vile and abusive children and I will not rest until you're doing time for raping my son" He says firmly.

"Niall? Come on babe." He then smiles at me and holds his hand out for me to take. I all but run to him and wrap my arms around him as tightly as I can. He does the same to me and I've never felt safer than I do right now.

"Mr Styles-"

"-It's Mr Tomlinson. We'll see you in court"


	7. Chapter 7

Niall pov

 

"He's a good friend, Shawn that is. Keep him close" papa mumbkes as he leads me out of the meeting and I look up at him with a frown.

"He called me. Said Louis couldn't make it and he didn't want you to be alone"  
"Dad's at home" I mumble. I'm annoyed at my dad but I'm so greatful to Shawn. If papa hadn't come in, I'd have told them it was a mistake and left it there.

"Did he know about today?"  
"Yeah. I asked him to come with me. He hasn't actually left his room since you left" I mumble. I don't want papa to feel bad. I understand he needs space, but I need to start telling people what's going on. I feel like I'm going insane keeping it all in.

"Well, how about I take you to see that new dinosaur film- jurrasic whatever it is. We can get some food and you can stay with me in the hotel tonight. Give your dad a break" papa offers and I grin at him.

"Jurrasic world!" I correct him and he nudges me softly with his arm and a laugh.  
"Invite Shawn if you want"  
"Really?"  
"Sure. Why not" he shrugs.

"Are we going to get my jammas?"  
"Can do babe. I'm gonna have a chat with your dad for a few minutes whilst you get a bag ready" he smiles as I let us into the house.

"Dad! I'm home" I shout as I toe off my shoes. He doesn't reply but I didn't expect one.

"Louis!?" Papa shouts and we hear shuffling from their room.  
"Harry?" He mumbles, poking his head over the banister.  
"Think we shout talk. Don't You?" Papa mumbles and dad nods quickly before making his way down stairs. Along with Liam. I see papas heart break and I imagine my face is as disappointed as his looks.

Dad looks a mess. He hasn't showered in days and it shows. His hair is all over the place and greasy and he has itchy looking stubble on his face.

"Niall babe. Pack some clothes for tonight and tomorrow" papa smiles and i not before heading upstairs.

I pack two pairs of boxers and a pair of jeans as well as 2 t shirts and a pair of socks. I put them in a bag and make my way to the top of the stairs. I hear shouting and freeze. It's dad, Liam and papa. They're full on arguing and I sigh. I guess I don't get my happily ever after. I plonk myself halfway down the stairs and sit down. I can hear everything and see them, but they can't see me.

 

"-I can't believe you're drunk!"  
"Only a bit" dad mutters.  
"What the hell are you playing at louis. Niall needs you! He was assaulted and has had a hard enough time over the last few weeks. The least you can do is be there for him now" papa hisses.

"Stupid boy" liam mutters.  
"What the hell did you call my son?!" Papa shouts.  
"He's not YOUR son. He's mine. You're not even related to him" dad snaps. It feels like they're ganging up on my papa.

"He's as good as my son! I've never seen him as anything other. Why are you being so cruel?" Papa mumbles and i can tell he's crying.

"Yeah well. He's my son and I'll decide what I do to help him" dad sighs.

"Like hell you will. If you can't or won't look after him, I will"

"He's an attention seeking whore" liam mutters and I can't wipe the tears that are falling down my face fast enough. I freeze at a loud bang and when I look over, I see liam is holding his cheek and papas hand is hovering for round two.

"Don't you dare call him any of that."

"He is-"  
"-He's the victim!"

"He's a disobedient little brat that brought this all on himself! He chose to go to the party. Louis told him no and he mouthed off playing the big I am, he went and was hurt. It's his fault!" Liam snaps but papa doesn't respond to him. He speaks to my dad.

"He's a teenager and wanted to make up with his friend! He just wanted to make friends Louis. He never asked for any of this. You can't honestly blame him for this"

Dad doesn't respond.

"I can't believe you. He's your son" papa gasps.  
"If he hadn't gone, none of this would have happened" dad shrugs.

I clench my fists at his words, but at the same time, my heart breaks. I can't believe the one person who should always be on my side, blames me. I didn't want her to suck my willy! I didn't like it! I didn't want it! I've cried myself to sleep every night since. Terrified that if I don't stay awake, I can't be aware if it happens again. Fearing I'll freeze and won't be able to say no. I didnt want this. I hated every second of it. Every humiliating, degrading, heart wrenching second of it.

"Don't you think he blames himself enough? Don't you think he's already gone through every 'what if' and alternate scenario possible that would have taken him away from this situation?"

"Why do you even care?" Dad snaps.  
"Because-"

"-He's not your son and I'm not your husband anymore. You made that clear when you left"

"You- you're leaving me?" Papa asks quietly. I can tell he's in shock. Like he doesn't quite belive the turn of events.  
"Sure. Why not. You clearly don't want me. Or this family. You would have stayed otherwise"

"I needed space to come to terms with what you did"

"And how's that worked for you?" Dad laughs. I see him take a drink from a vodka bottle and wipe even more tears from my face.

"We'd have been fine wouldn't we? If he'd stayed with his mother. We could have moved to Barcelona. Away from Liam and all the stress-"

"-Don't you blame Niall!" Papa roars.  
"He went to a party, got drugged and got his dick sucked. What kind of idiot does that? What kind of stupid idiotic boy drinks a cup of random liquid without knowing what's in it?!" Dad scoffs and papa snatches the vodka bottle off him and pours the rest of it down the sink.

"You're drunk. You aren't thinking clearly-"

"-Yes I am harry-"

"- He only went to the party to make friends with josh! And he only drank it to make friends! He is the literal fucking sunshine and he just wants people to like him! He is so lovely and innocent and kind hearted. He deserves the world and everything in it"

"Still got raped by a girl" Liam laughs and I whimper into my hands.

"He was drugged- you- you know what? I'm not justifying this to either of you. I'm taking niall and neither of us are coming back until you sort your self out. You can't be raising a child whilst drunk all the time" papa says firmly.

"Don't bother coming back. Either of you. Me and Danielle split up. I'll move in and we can give a relationship a go" liam mumbles to papa and my dad and I didn't think it was possible to see someone's heart break through their eyes, but I've just witnessed it with papa.

"We are not" dad grumbles and Liam glares at him.

"We're only at this stage because you slept with him in the first place" papa whispers.

"No you're here because he doesn't love you anymore and niall doesn't listen." Liam snaps.

 

I don't realise when the arguing stops as I'm crying too much. I'm crying into my hands with my knees up to my face supporting them and I don't even look up when I feel someone sit next to me on the stairs, pulling me into their arms.

"I'm sorry you heard all that babe" papa mumbles.

I don't respond. I want to. Lord knows I want to thank him for defending me like that, especially when his life had just been ripped apart.

"I- um- I'm sorry" I stutter through tears.  
"Don't be sorry baby. You haven't done anything wrong. Daddy and papa just needed to tell each other how we were feeling"

"Daddy?" Liam scoffs.  
"It comforts him when he's upset" dad tells him but Liam just continues to mock me.  
"Maybe I can be dada or baba" he jokes.

"Maybe you can be six feet under" papa warns.  
"Liam I think you should leave. Me and haz need to talk properly" dad tells him and I hear Liam scoff but does get his coat and leave.

 

"I'm sorry babe. I- I didn't know you were sat here"  
"Th- that doesn't m- make it okay dad" I mumble.  
"I know it doesn't. But I am. I'm really sorry niall."  
"You blame me-"

"- No I don't. I'm so sorry darling. Can daddy have a cuddle?" He whispers and when I look up at him, he's crying.

 

I hesitate.

I'm torn. I want to cuddle my dad. Of course I do. I want to forgive him and tell him it's okay. That I still love him and it doesn't change anything. But I don't forgive him. It's not okay. I do love him, or course I do, he's my dad for crying out loud. But the hurt is still there. The betrayal and pain are still prominent when I look at him. When I look at him I remember everything he's just said, about me and about what happened. I remember him cheating on papa.

"I- I can't hug you right now. I love you- b- but I'm mad at you and- um- I don't want to cuddle you. I'm sorry" I whisper to him.

"It's okay babe. Don't apologise. I'm sorry for not defending you. I'm sorry for not being here. I know, it will take time, but I will prove to you I'm here. I will make it up to you" he says quietly.

"Are- are you and- um- Liam getting t-together?"

"No babe. Definately not. I love your papa don't I?"  
"Did- did you sleep with Liam? Since papa left?"

"No babe. He came over because I was ignoring him and he didn't like it"

"Did he hurt you?" Papa asks and dad doesn't reply. I'm taking that as a 'yes but I don't want niall to know'.

"Where?" I mumble.  
"Don't you worry babe-"  
"- Where did he hurt you daddy?"

He doesn't respond but does lift his shirt slightly and I whimper at the sheer scale of the bruises on his tummy. His entire stomache and chest is blue ish black and now I concentrate on it, I can see he's struggling breathing in and out.

"I'm gonna kill him" papa growls and I've never seen such a look of pure hatred on his face before.

"He's not worth the prison sentence you'll get. Please don't haz. I've already lost you once because of him. I can't lose you again" he practically begs. Papa nods and I feel dad asking him the question with his eyes.

'Have i lost you completely?'

"I'm not saying I fully forgive you. I'm learning to. It will take time and you'll have to earn my trust again. I'm not saying it will be easy. But if you promise me you won't touch anyone else again, I forgive you lou"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for a week or so, going though some family stuff.
> 
> Sorry guys!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this update is a lot sooner than I thought it would be; buuuuut, it turns out when your life is going to shit, locking your self away and writing stories, helps.
> 
>  
> 
> This fic is also turning out a lot longer than expected. Hope that's a good thing.... ?

Niall pov

The next few days are rough. Papa sleeps on the couch. I've heard dad offer, but papa declined. I hope things change when their new bed arrives.

"I just can't sleep in that bed. No knowing that happened there" papa mumbles over a bowl of cornflakes to dad. I'm hovered on the doorway. They only seem to be honest with each other when I'm not there. Meaning I never know what's actually going on. So I occasionally eaves drop.

"I know. I know haz. I'm so sorry"  
"I know. I know you are. It'll take time. But we'll get there"  
"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do. I'm hurt by what you did, I won't lie. But I still love you. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm just- not as trusting- I guess."

"I love you harry. You have no idea how much. I will make this up to you. You have my word" I hear dad mumble.

"Nialler. You can come in babe" papa startled me by saying and I sheepishly poke my head round the door.  
"You could hear me? Huh?"  
"I heard your tummy growl for food" he laughs and I sheepishly sit down.

"So. You have an appointment today to get the tattoo checked for any infections and I've booked you in to get the removal Friday, all being well today. Just a heads up, the removals hurt more than the actual tattoos" papa tells me as he hands me a cup of orange juice.

"How- how much do I owe you?" I mumble. It was my foolish mistake to go to the party and I'm willing to pay the price of it. Literally.

"I think the tat was punishment enough for going to the party. However, if you go to another one without permission, you will be grounded with no phone, games or tv." He reasons and I nod my head agreeingly. That seems fair.

"I won't papa" I whisper.  
"Good-"

*Knock Knock Knock Knock*

"I'll get it" I mumble through my piece of toast.

"Hey Tomlinson" shawn beems and I stand aside letting him in.

"Hey Mendes" I giggle and he smirks at me whilst biting his bottom lip then mumbles 'cute'.

I may or may not blush.

I do.

 

"Come on Ni, we best get going. Bye Mr T. Bye Papa T"  he smiles and I grab my bag before giving my dad and papa a big cuddle.

"Love you guys"  
"Love you too baby" papa calls.  
"Love you Niall" dad smiles.

 

"Let's go" I grin and we leave for the short walk to school.  
"You're so adorable"  
"What?" I frown. I only said let's go to school.  
"You always say you love your dad's before leaving. You're the only teenager I know to do that."

"Well, what if that's the last conversation I ever have with them? I wouldn't want anything to happen to any of us but if it does, I want our last conversation to be kind" I shrug.

"It's just really nice of you. I'm not poking fun babe. You're one of a kind niall horan"  
"Shudd-up" I mumble as my face once again goes bright red. I nudge him with my elbow but he just grabs my arm and uses it to pull me closer to him, so he can wrap his own arm around my waist.

"What's happening with the cop case?"

"I told papa I didn't want to go to court. I think he was concerned I wouldn't get the justice I deserve but, I don't want to. I just want them out of my classes- which they are. And they're not allowed to talk to or contact me as part of their bail condition for not going to prison."

"Do you think they'll abide by it?" He hums.

"I hope so. But I don't see why they wouldn't. I don't see what they would benefit by breaching their bail conditions. They will 100% go to prison if they do. It's not worth it for them to do that, in my eyes anyway."

"You're very maturely spoken" he smirks.  
"Yeah well, having a suit and a spark for dad's you tend to be" I laugh.

"Suit and spark?"  
"Papas a solicitor- he's suit. Dad's an electrician- hence sparks"

"Do they know you call them that?" He hums with a raised eye brow.  
"Nooooo. But I think they'd find it funny. I think"

That earns another laugh.

"So, I've been thinking." Shawn mumbles.  
"Oh god. That's dangerous" I joke.  
"Hey!!" He scoffs. Holding his hand over his heart pretending to be wounded by my words.  
"Sorry shawny. Go on" I giggle.

He stops walking and i do too then turn to face him. 

Oh god. 

This seems serious.

"I don't wanna ruin anything between us, but, I can't stop thinking about you. About the kiss." He mumbles. He doesn't meet my eyes. He stares at his hands.

The first though running through my head is 'oh my god he's ashamed of it'. He didn't want to kiss me. He doesn't want to remember it. I've ruined the friend ship and now he doesn't want to know me. What if he's grossed out by me liking kissing boys? He's never shown any discomfort when my dad's have kissed in front of him. But maybe it's changed now that he's kissed a boy. Now he could be the gay one.

"O-oh. Um- i- i wanna be your friend though" I mumble. I don't wanna loose him I'd rather have his as a friend than not at all.

"Oh. Okay"  
"Are- are you disappointed?" I frown.  
"Honestly? A little" he sighs.  
"We- you don't have to talk to me in public"

"What?" He quizzes, face scrunched up in confusion.

"If- i mean. You're embarrassed by me possibly being gay an- an i get it. But we could be secret friends"

"I wouldn't do that to you niall. I wouldn't ignore you in public because I'm ashamed of you or to make myself look cooler. Because I'm not. I'm not disgusted in you. I'm not ashamed of you. I think you're the coolest person I know" he smiles.

"R- really?"

"You're naive and innocent and fucking adorable. You sleep with a night light and call your dad's cute names and go out with them any chance you get. Your favourite colour is green because you love Ireland and you suck at football but play it anyway. You play miniature golf like you're in a masters event and smile at pretty much everything. If that's not a cool person I don't know what is."

"Oh- t- thank you. So- so you still wanna be friends?"  
"Yeah babe. I- i wondered if you wanted to- to- mabye- urm- be more than friends?"

I him as I mull it over.

 

"Like best friends?"

He smiles fondly with a little chuckle.  
"More like, do you want to go on a date with me?" He clarifies and ohhhhh. That makes more sense.

"W- what do I do- Um- on a date?"  
"We can do anything you like. Bowling, cinema, go for some food, mini golf, I've skating. Choice is yours."

"Do I kiss you- on- the um- date?"  
"If you feel comfortable to. And you want to. You can yeah."  
"C- can I hold your hand?" I whisper.  
"Like this?" He whispers back and that's the only warning I get before he links his fingers in between mine and pulls my hands up to his lips so he can kiss the back of my hand.

"O-okay. I'll go on a- um- date with you."  
"Great. Friday or Saturday would probably be best. With school and all"  
"Yeah. That's true. Either works for me."  
"Well, I'll print out film times for both and which ever has better times, we'll go that day?"  
"Sounds perfect"

"Best get you to school then. Don't want your dad's killing me before I get introduced to them properly."

"But they already know you." I frown but I do walk quicker as he lightly pulls me down the street.

"Not as your boyfriend"  
"So? You're still the same person and they haven't changed."  
"I know babe. They might want to know I don't have any intentions to break your heart or rush you into things"

"Oh. Yeah. Good point. Does that mean your mum will be asking me about my intentions with you?" I frown with my head titled to the side in confusion.

"Probably not. She knows you couldn't hurt me. Hurting people isn't in your blood" he winks.

 

 

Monday night shawn drops me at my door with a cheeky wink.

Tuesday morning I'm greeted with a one armed hug.

Tuesday evening I'm dropped off with a two armed hug.

Wednesday morning I'm greeted with a soft stroke to my cheek

Wednesday evening I'm dropped off with a kiss to my forehead.

Thursday morning I'm picked up with his soft hand holding mine.

Thursday evening I'm dropped off with a kiss to both of my cheeks and nose which makes me giggle.

Friday morning I'm met with a kiss to the corner of my mouth and my hand being held the whole way to school.

Friday evening I'm left with a small peck to my lips with the agreement to meet Saturday for the date night.

"Are you sure you don't want me there when you get the tattoo removed?" He soothes.

"Yep. It will hurt more apparently and I cried my eyes out just getting the tat. Can't imagine how much I'll cry getting it lazered off." I mumble.

"My brave boy" he mumbles and pecks my lips twice more lightly.   "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll come over at 6 as the taxi is booked for 6:15."

"Bye shawny. Have a nice evening" I giggle.

 

As soon as I enter the house I'm met with smirks from both my dads.

"You were spying weren't you?" I roll my eyes at them both.

"Lou spied I just supervised" papa says defensively which causes dad to scoff in protest and me to burst out laughing.

"I don't mind. He's my first crush. You're bound to worry. And once we've seen how tomorrow goes, maybe we can be boyfriends? Um- if you- um- approve?"

"I think shawn would be a great first boyfriend for you babe" papa smiles.  
"You could do worse I suppose" dad jokes but then adds "No seriously, shawns a good one"

"Thank you. W- would he be allowed f- for tea some- um- sometime?"

"Of course babe. Just give us a bit of warning to make extra food." Dad smiles and I thank him.  
"A- are you two um- g- getting there?" I whisper.

They both glance at eachother. Dad is asking papa if they are and papa looks like he's deciding the best way to answer.

"We are babe. It will be a long process and we'll have to take baby steps. But, I feel like we're getting there a bit more everyday. Everyday I trust you a little bit more. Small steps forwards are better than standing still" Papa says quietly to dad.

"Thank you Harry. We'll get there. I promise I'll make this right."

"I love you both- e- even if you can't- um- fix things. I'll still love you both j- just as much" I stutter. 

I want nothing more than for my dad's to stay together forever and be in love forever and be as happy as they were on their wedding day - but as I've learned, life isn't a fairy tale and sometimes, the best way to get a happy ending is to start fresh. After all; who said you had to be with someone to get your happily ever after?

 

But that doesn't stop me wishing they would stay together.

 

 

Getting the tattoo removed is torture. I cry. Okay I don't cry. I full on scream. I beg them to stop and they do. But then they have to keep going as they've only done around 30% of the tattoo.

I've had painkillers before hand and numbing cream on my back/ neck. I don't think it's really helped but at least it might have.

 

"P- papa?" I sniff. I'm laid on my tummy on their couch, pretty much how I was when I got the tattoo. But this time papa is here holding my hand and smoothing some of the sweaty hair off of my clammy face.

"Yeah babe? You're being so brave darling"  
"It hurts" I whimper.  
"I know baby. I know. I'm sorry darling. It's nearly done baby and then we can go home and we can cuddle up watching brave and eating ice cream"

"C- can we skip t-to that -ow- p-part?" I stutter. I'm a bit cold as I've had to take my t shirt off for them to remove it. Meaning I'm laid in my jeans and shoes on the couch whilst a middle aged woman with blue hair and tattoos in the amount that could rival papas - whilst she removes the tattoo.

"I'm afraid not babe. I'm sorry" he soothes. He must sense I'm cold as he lays his jacket over the bottom half of my back and it covers my bum.

"So. Tell me about this date with shawn"  
"Um- we're going to- ow- the cinema. And um, getting a burger and f-fries from one of -ow- the cafes."

"What film are you going to see?"  
"T- tomb raider um -ow- Lara Croft"  
"That sounds exciting. Need me or your dad to drive you or be on pick up duty?" He grins.

"N- no thank you. We- um- shawn has booked -ow- taxis. So- So it feels more like -ow- a date." I stammer.  
"Fair enough baby. If you need anything call either me or your dad, but, I promise we won't check in on you. Curfew is 9:30 though." He soothes. He's rubbing little circles into the small of my back and it's oddly relaxing.

"I 'member. T- thanks papa."  
"Have you decided what to wear?"  
"Um- b- black jeans and a white -ow- V neck. I think. -ow."

"You'll look amazing darling."  
"Thank yo- ow!" I whine.

"I'm sorry kid. Just doing my job" the woman sympathises.

 

What feels like an eternity later, we leave the shop with instructions to apply this special creme every 4 hours to stop the now removed tattoo drying out and/ or to stop it becoming infected.

"Does i- it- um look okay?"  
"It's a bit red and inflamed but that will go down over the next few days. You can't see the tattoo babe. She's done a good job"

"I bet she did. You started the greeting by telling her you're a solicitor and you'll sue her if she makes it worse and or doesn't rectify it to your standards" I giggle.  
"It worked" he shrugs.

 

I get home and decide to straight just go to bed. I'm so tired. Crying really does take it out of you.

"Night babe. I love you" dad whispers as he gives me a big cuddle.  
"Night dad. I love you too."

"Night baby. I love you" papa smiles as he also pulls me in for a big cuddle.  
"Night papa. I love you too"

"B- before I go. Um- how- would um- would shawn be allowed here? To -um sleep?" I mumble. They both glance at eachother and have some crazy ass silent conversation with their eyebrows before seeming to agree with synchronised head nods.

"He can babe. On the condition, if you're going to have sex or do anything more than kissing, we have to have the sex talk with you first. Is now Okay?" I nod "I know neither of you can get pregnant, but, there are other things like diseases and infections that you need to be aware of." Papa says conditionally. And i nod my head agreeingly. That seems reasonable and fair to me.

 

"Also, we know shawn has been nice and explained things in the past but if you want anything explaining or any tips on certain things before you try them, we'll advise you on that too" dad chimes in.

"Thank you. M- maybe- you- um- you could- um- just- like- prepare me for anything that's not obvious? Like um- I- I don't know" I stutter.

"Like, sometimes when you kiss, your Willy will get stiff and that's perfectly normal. We know you've had an orgasm before, but, It will be different with shawn. It should feel nice and it might be a bit gross depending on how much you release" dad comforts and yeah, stuff like that is good to know.

"S-so should I- um put a towel down- to- to catch it?" I flush.  
"You can if you want to babe. Or if shawn wants to. It'll wash. And if you don't want to, the sheets will wash. It's okay either way." Dad reassures me.

 

"O-okay. Thanks" I stutter. I feel a little overwhelmed and I hate to say it; naive.

"Hey it's okay babe. You have to start somewhere. Everyone does. If you'd feel more comfortable talking to shawn about body related things like that, we won't be offended, but if you want to talk to us, we're right here." Dad comforts me.

"But, what I will say is, if you're going inside his bum, or he's going inside yours, use a condom babe. We'll pick you some up whilst shopping tomorrow, just for when you're ready. There's no pressure." Papa adds.

"I will. W- we will. I promise. I'm not ready and shawn knows that. So it won't be for a while yet. Night night" I smile and head up stairs slowly.  
"Night babe" dad calls.  
"Night night sweet heart" papa chuckles.

"He's a good boy" I hear dad sigh.  
"The best we could have asked for"

 

I feel myself grinning.

I can't wait for this date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe Niall and Shawn are sitting in a tree
> 
> (Soon to be kissing passionately) 
> 
>  
> 
> ;) sneak preview for you there !!


	9. Chapter 9

Harry pov

 

"Papa! My hair looks baba!" Niall whines from upstairs. Lou and I roll our eyes at him but do go up to help (If he'll let us, he's insistent on being as independent as possible).

"What's going on with your mop babe?" I chuckle as I enter his room, Lou follows me.

I'm met with niall sat on his bed with his arms crossed and the biggest pout to date resting on his face. He has his black skinny jeans on with a white V neck and green socks. He looks adorable. The main issue he thinks is his hair and looking at it.... well.... yeah it's not great.

It would be. If he'd left it fluffy and not done anything with It (Like usual). But no, he's tried to style it with gel. But put far too much in and made it rock solid and stuck up in every direction possible.

"Wash the gel out babe" Lou suggests.  
"I won't have time to dry it" he stresses.  
"You will. Come on" I assure him.

I get niall to the bathroom and he sticks his head over the sink. Louis lays a towel over his back to protect his shirt from the water and I quickly rinse his hair with water. Then in record speed, shampoo and conditioner his hair.

I towel dry the majority of it before leading him to our room where the hair dryer is.

"Clean your shoes with a baby wipe babe" I smile and sit him down on a pillow on the floor in front of the bed. I then start drying his hair with the hair dryer and style it as I'm going with the brush. Louis hands niall his shoes and a baby wipe and he cleans them of mud. They look more white than they did.

"There you go babe. All done" I smile at him and he lightly runs his fingers over his hair as if to assess my handy work. He smiles and then jumps about a foot in the air when someone knocks on the door.

"We'll wait here sweety" Lou smiles at him as he runs down to open the door.

We both coo at his adorableness.

"H- hey shawn"  
"Hey Ni, sorry I'm late, couldn't find matching socks" he laughs.  
"I- it's okay. I had a mini hair meltdown"  
"Well your hair looks amazing darling".  
"T-thank you" niall mumbles and I can feel the blush from here.

"Taxi should be here now"  
"O-okay. Dad! Papa! I'm going. I'll be back by 9:30" niall hollers and me and Louis both quietly run into our room. Only to loudly make our way to the top of the stairs to shout bye (Like we weren't just spying on them.)

"We Love you babe" Lou calls.  
"Have fun" I chime.  
"Love you too and- we will. Bye!"

 

 

Niall pov

To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm both terrified and excited. Filled with want and fear. I'm optimistic but trying not to get my hopes too high.

"So, I may or may not have lied about the cinema" shawn confesses in the taxi.  
"Oh? Um- w-where are we going?"  
"Mini golf and for Frankie and Bennies. It was a surprise. So, um- surprise?"

"That's a lovely surprise. Thanks shawny. I love golf" I grin. I don't honestly mind where we go. As long as I'm with shawn, I don't really need anything else.

"Yeah? That's a relief"  
"My dad's said you can come for tea and- and um- stay over. Not tonight! Just- just um- yah know. Whenever."

"Sounds great babe" he smiles and places his hand on top of mine that's resting on my knee.

"So, I think we should spice up tonight a little" shawn smirks and I feel my heart sink into my tummy.  
"Oh? Um- y- yeah sure"  
"For every hole on the course, the loser of that hole has to tell the other something embarrassing about themselves or their childhood." He grins.

"L-like what?"  
"Okay, so when I was little, I used to call Rhinos- battle unicorns" he shrugs and I can't help it. I nearly wet myself with laughter.  
"S-seriously?" I wheeze.  
"Yeah, Really. Okay, your turn and we're even."

 

I think for a minute.

"W-when I was little, my papa was in the -um- shower and when he got out I was sat on the bathroom floor playing- playing with my dinosaurs. He asked what I was doing and I told him playing with my dinosaurs. He asked me why I was in the bathroom and not in my room or the living room. I told him that if the dinosaurs went savage, I was hoping they'd eat him first" I mumble.

"You little monster! I can actually imagine you sat there playing with them and saying that with a dead ass straight face" shawn laughs and It helps me relax slightly.

Not long after we arrive at the mini golf course and Shawn pays for the taxi.

 

Shawn loses the first game and tells me when he was four he saw Nick Jonas perform on TV and told his mum Nick didn't have any friends. He could tell.

-

He loses the second one and tells me he also asked his mum in the middle of Asda why his balls hurt when he squeezed them as they aren't attached to his body.

-

I lose the third game and tell him about my balls being referred to as dumplings, even to this present day. He coos at me again.

-

Shawn loses the fourth one and tells me when he was younger (he was 9) he panicked because he couldn't see when his eyes were closed.

-

I lose the fifth and tell shawn that when I was a child, I thought babies came from women eating melon seeds. I don't tell him that I still thought that up until a month ago.

-

18 holes later I feel like my childhood wasn't nearly as embarrasing as it could have been. The fact shawn is willing to share lame things about his previous self, makes me feel more secure about myself and my lame traits.

"Did you ever put pva glue on your hand as a kid and peel it off when it had dried?" I giggle over a burger and a milkshake from Frankie and Bennies.

"Did I? I still do that now" shawn scoffs and we both burst out laughing even louder. I feel people stare at us, some annoyed we're being loud, others with a fond look in their eyes. But I don't care. For the first time in my life, I feel like I know what it's like to be in love. And I intend to cherish every moment of it.

"I remember one time, in primary school (elementary) we had a sub teacher in and she made us all wear name badges that she'd printed out. So I was the first one to get the sticker sheet and had to peel off my name and stick it on my jumper and pass the sheet on and so on. Right? I took the wrong name, for a laugh. So I was known as Joe. That just started a riot of everyone picking a name that wasn't theirs on purpose. So this poor teacher, is going through the register and calling out names and the wrong people were answering her. We got away with it for six days until another teacher came in and asked why everyone was calling Jessica, Chloe." Shawn laughs.

"Seriously? Jesus that's soooo bad. I can't believe you did that! How did you get away with it so long? How old were You?!"

"We were like, 8 and 9. I have no idea how we pulled it off but it was mint.  So come on, what's the worst thing you've ever done?"

"Um- I've eaten a yoghurt two days past it's sell by" I shrug and he coos at me.  
"Anything, a bit more, daring?"

"I told a police officer i bet he was only applied for the job because he got to wear a fancy hat. I was 6" I grin. I felt really cheeky for that!

"You rebel Niall Horan! Can't believe you said that. And to a fed!" He smirks and I can tell he's impressed. It makes me a bit smug that I can impress my sort of/ almost (hopefully) boyfriend.

 

 

Three milkshakes, a burger and two portions of fries (each) later we head home. Shawn insists on paying and I feel really guilty but he just holds my hand and tells me if I'm that bothered, I can dirt the next date. I relax more after that. I just don't want him thinking all I care about is money and him buying me things. Because I don't. I wouldn't care if we had a date that didn't cost a penny. Like one in the park feeding the ducks. Or looking at art in a museum.

He gets me home a little after 9:15pm. Meaning, even through his curfew was 10:30, he still got me home by mine so I wouldn't be in trouble for being late.

 

"What will you do for the rest of the night?" I mumble as he walks me to my door.

"Go home and squeal to my mum about the gorgeous boy I'm dating. Have a cup of tea and then go to bed probably" he hums and I giggle at his joking side. But something tells me he was deadly serious about it.

"T-thank you for tonight. It was amazing"  
"No problem babe."

He grins and then cheekily asks "Does that mean I get a second date with you?"

"I hope so. I um- i really like you" I whisper. I don't want to scare him away but I also need him to know how I feel in the hopes that if it's a game, he leaves now before it goes too far. Before I get really hurt.

"Well, it's a good job I really like you too Niall" he smiles and places both hands either side of my neck gently. He uses his thumbs to stroke my cheeks softly and I melt even more under is gaze.

"C- can I kiss you?" I whisper and he smiles, nodding his head ever so slightly.

I take a deep breath and breath out. Trying to work up the courage to kiss him. It's not because I don't want to. I really do. I'm just not very experienced in that department and I don't wanna ruin the night by doing wrong.

"Hey, how about, I lead? Is that okay?" He asks softly. Thumbs still working their magic but he moves one hand to my waist. I breath a sigh of relief and offer him a greatful smile and nod.

His lips peck mine softly a few times before he presses a bit harder and longer. I gasp from surprise and his thumbs keep rubbing little soothing circles into my skin. It actually helps.

He works his lips against mine softly but firmly for the next few minutes before I lick his lips as a hint for him to try the tongues again. He takes the hint and gently pokes his tongue in my mouth before licking around for a minute or so. It feels weird. Not bad but just... different. He looks over my braces and I hear him moan softly which is so hot! Which also causes me to moan softly and i feel him smile into the kiss.

All in all I think it's going okay. Shawn keeps it slow so I can keep up and doesn't try to highlight the fact I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. We pull apart to gagging noises and wolf whistles from the upstairs window and when I look up, my papa is whistling like it's the best thing ever and dad is pretending to gag.

I roll my eyes at them fondly. I know they mean well.

"See you tomorrow?" Shawn laughs.  
"Yeah" I breath out with a grin. I'm panting slightly as I'm not used to having to breath through my nose as someone has their tongue in my mouth.

"Go on in then" he kissed my lips once more and I head inside but papa is coming out of the door.

"Turn your butt around. It's 9:45 I'll walk shawn home. Wanna come with?" Papa asks and I grin at him then jog over to shawn.

He links his hand with mine and locks his fingers inbetween my own and I giggle. It's only a 5 minute walk. Shawn swings our joining hands the whole way which causes me to laugh the whole way to his house. Papa walks behind us which I feel bad for but when I turn to see if he's okay, he gestures that he's fine and for me to spend more time with shawn.

Once there Shawn thanks us for walking him home and gives me a small kiss to my hand and then to my lips.

"Saw in a movie that you always kiss the hand before you kiss the person" he smirks and I pretty much forget how to breathe.

We say our goodbyes and me an papa head home.

"Bye shawny!" I call over my shoulder and wave to him. He laughs and waves back before going inside.

"Thanks papa" I grin at him and he tells me it's no problem. I grab his and and we walk home in a comfortable silence.

"You don't have to hold your old man's hand" he smiles softly.  
"I- I like holding your hand. And you're not old" I whisper.  
"I know babe. Just don't feel like you have to. I won't be offended if you've out grown the holding hands stage"

"I haven't. I'm still at that stage" I grin and I feel him coo at me.

 

I may be 15, but I don't care.

I feel safe when I hold my papa's hand.


	10. Chapter 10

Niall pov

Over the next few months I feel a lot change.

Me and Shawn are literally glued to eachother and no one has said anything negative about our relationship, aside from Jason but I punched him in the face. Very un like me, but he called shawn a queer and, 10 seconds later, he was on the floor crying and I'd been expelled for a week.

Dad and papa were surprised at my violence but not angry, as they knew it wasn't unprovoked. After that, everyone left us alone.

Josh tried talking to me as he 'feels so guilty and wants to apologise'. I told him to do one. Okay, I told him to 'stay the fuck away from me as you're dead to me'. He did. He walked away with a frown and trying not to cry and I laughed. I actually laughed. Not at his sadness, because I wouldn't want anyone to be sad. But I laughed at his naivety. He assumed that because he said sorry, I'd forgive him and everything would go back to normal. Well I don't. It didn't. And I'm done with him.

 

Speaking of things changing, dad and papa are working through their problems. Which is great! I'm so proud of papa for giving dad a chance. I asked him one night over a 1 am, hot chocolate, why he stayed when it would have been easy for him to leave.

 

"I love your dad more than I hate what he's done"  
"But aren't you upset by it?" I mumbled.  
"I was. But, I'm over it. Although it hurt me, he didn't do it to intentionally hurt me. He apologised and meant it and I forgive him"  
"I hope I grow up to be as amazing as you"  
"You already are" he smiled and kissed my nose which made me giggle.

 

The first time shawn sleeps over at my house, nothing happens. We watch funny videos on YouTube and fall asleep around 2 am.

 

The 14th time shawn sleeps at mine, still nothing happens. He knows I'm not ready and he hasn't made any attempt to change my mind or sway me.

 

Which leads us to the present.

 

"We don't have to go to the party babe" Josh grins as we're laid in his bed. We aren't doing much. Literally just said in bed watching YouTube videos when Jodie messaged Josh telling him about this 'kickass party he and his bf have to go to'.

"I don't think my dad will let me but I'll ask" I shrug. That's all I can do really.  
"Okay babe. Fifa?"  
"You read my mind."

After losing three games and winning one, I pass out around 1 am. I feel shawn get up and turn the tv off. He also covers me with the duvet and pulls me onto his chest so he's my mattress (As usual).

 

 

"Dad? A mate of Shawns is having a party tonight. Can I go?" I yawn the next morning over a bowl of cereal.

I see my dad and papa have the silent eyebrow conversation they have mastered so we'll over the years but l just continue eating my coco pops. I'll find out the verdict in a minute or two and I won't change their minds anyway.

"Will there be drinking?" Dad asks finally.  
"Probably Mr T but we won't if you'd rather niall didn't" shawn smiles honestly.  
"Drugs?" Papa mumbles.  
"I won't be touching them again" I say firmly.  
"Sex?" Dad adds.  
"Maybe, but we won't be" shawn smiles once again.

 

"Then why are you going?" Dad scoffs jokingly.  
"You can go niall, but there are rules" papa reasons and I nod my head for him to continue.

"Don't drink too much. You can drink but don't be black out drunk please. No drugs. No sex. Stay with shawn -don't leave eachother. Call us if you need anything. We won't be mad, we'd rather you call if you need a lift home than walking all the way over here at 4am"

"Yeah. We can do that. Thanks Papa. Thanks dad" I grin.  
"We need to go niall" shawn mutters as he checks his phone and..... yep, we're late.

"I'll drop you off" dad smiles fondly with a head shake as he checks the time. He grabs his car keys and we leave for school once again. As I'm on my way out if the door, I hear my dad and papa warn shawn and tense up.

"You better not hurt my boy" papa warns.  
"I won't"  
"Look after him at this party. You hear me?" Papa warns again.  
"You have my word. I know he's your baby and you want him safe, but so do I" shawn starts but dad cuts him off.

"If you hurt him-"  
"-I won't. I really like him. As in, really really, like him. I won't hurt or let him get hurt. I promise".

 

School is boring and uneventful. I get an A on a maths test but that's no surprise really. I'm a bit of a nerd.

"Hey babe, mine or yours?" Shawn grins as he meets me at the school gates as usual. He links his hand immediately with mine and I stretch up to kiss his lips. I go in for a quick kiss but shawn has other ideas.

He holds me pressed against him with a hand around my waist and I laugh into the kiss before my tippy toes give out and the kiss is broken.

"See cute. Look at the queers" Josh snaps from where has standing with Jordan and Ryan.  
"Leave us 'lone josh" I mutter and Shawn pulls my hand lightly as he leads me away from them.  
"That's it. Follow your gay boyfriend. He looks desperate to fuck you" Ryan goads.  
"Not as desperate as you are for a dick up your arse" Jordan adds and I just sigh.

I thought we were over all this bullying. Most people either accepted us or didn't care enough to reject us/ do anything about it. And then you get the dickheads. Josh must sense my disheartened self as he turns his head to frown worriedly at me. He also squeezes my hand reassuringly and I give him a half hearted smile.

"Try not to let them get to you baby"  
"I just- I'm tired. You know? Of them constantly grinding us down. It's tiring" I whisper.

He stops walking straight away and turns to pull me into his chest. I burry my face into the neck of his jumper and breathe in his soothing scent of coffee and freshly cut grass. One of his hands is still firmly around my waist and the other is gripping my hair as he lightly scratches his blunt finger nails into my scalp.

"Want me to have a word with them?"  
"Nah, won't change anything"  
"I meant a polite word with my fist" he smirks.  
"I already tried that" I laugh softly.  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah. I'm just being soft today. It'll be fine" I grin.

"You aren't soft. You're sensitive. And what they're doing is mean. Don't be too hard on yourself for it upsetting you babe"  
"Sensitive. Soft. Same thing" I chuckle.

"If it happens again, I'm saying something" he tells me softly and I nod my head agreeingly.

 

 

This party is loud. I mean, I'm covering my ears from the blaring music, people talking/ singing/ shouting. We find Jodie surrounded by a load of other people talking shots and thank her for the invite. She hands us both a shot each as she necks her own.

"You don't have to" shawn mumbles into my ear and kisses my cheek. He then takes his shot. I feel everone staring at me and it feels like another initiation. I hesitate. It feels like a flashback to the last time I was at a party and handed a random drink I was forced to swallow. The next thing I know, shawn has taken the shot off me, placed it down on the table and told them it's too early for shots. He then leads me to the dance floor.

Dancing is so weird. Partly because I don't think I'm very good at dancing, but compared to half the people on the floor, I could be the next Patrick Swasey. I dance randomly for a while before shawn wraps his arms around my waist, pulls me close to him and starts slowly swaying us (despite the hammering Nickleback song blasting through the speakers.) I hook my arms around his neck, rest my face against his chest and let him sway us. This feels nice. Despite the 200 people crammed into one house.

"Wanna drink?" Shawn shouts over the music.  
"Sure"  
"Come on then" shawn smiles and tugs me along to the makeshift bar.

"This is Guinness" he smiles as he hands me a tiny bit in a cup for me to try.  
"That's good" I grin after backing the full thing.  
"This is vodka"  
"Jesus! Agh. That's strong" I choke out and nearly die from a coughing fit. I don't. But it's still bad okay.  
"This is Cider"  
"Tastes like vinegar" I grumble.  
"This is Apple sours. Shots"  
"That's nice! Can't even taste the sour." I grin.

"Okay, what do you want w drink of?"  
"Um- Guinness" I decide. Shawn pours me a cup and grabs himself a cup of vodka and red bull.

 

Shawn pov

It's official. Niall is pissed out of his tree.

He has told one of the jocks that he's only on the football team because his mummy fucked the coach. Let's not mention the face he nearly got punched in th face. Luckily Jason has been drinking too and his hand eye coordination is shite.

He has drunkenly sang "ain't no crying in the club" on the makeshift stage (aka, stood on the kitchen table). He got a lot of cheers though. He has drunkenly texted his papa telling him:

'Moss yajg bit shaqny lukd a3tr meeea'

He has told me I'm amazing and he's soooo glad he met me because I'm the bestest.

He has also sexy danced on the dance floor and oh my god that got half of the room hard. And 98% of the guys here are straight. 

He was just all hips and running his fingers though his hair sexily and- yeah you get the idea. I got him off the floor as soon as possible before someone took advantage.

"Baby, you need to sober up a bit" I say softly as I hand him a black coffee. He has a small sip and shines but I encourage him to drink it. Most of the people have gone now so it's easier for me to sober him up.

"Good boy. Well done baby" I praise him and and grins lazily at me.  
"Think- you- and kiss me"  
"Okay babe" I comply and peck his lips softly.  
"More! Want- wanna- you lick my braces" he whines and the next thing I know, he's straddling my waist where I'm sat on the couch, using his hand to angle my head before he kisses me. I groan in protest. It's so wrong but it feels so good.

"Baby- you're drunk" I say firmly as I end the make out session he's attempted to start.

He flops backwards so his bum is on my knees and pouts. I reach my arms around to stop him falling.  
"What's that face for?" I grin at him.  
"Wanna kiss you"  
"And you can. When you're sober." I tell him and he pouts again but makes no further attempt to make out with me.

"Shawny?" He whispers a minute later.  
"Niall?" I whisper back and he giggles into his hands like it's a big secret between us. I coo at him once again.

"You wanna blow job my willy?"  
"No thank you babe" I politely decline.  
"Wanna me- blow job your Willy?"  
"No thank you baby. My Willy is okay" I tell him softly.  
"Wanna- me you sleep- my house?"

"Yeah babe I will do. But only to sleep. Okay? You get little lip kisses and that's it" I tell him firmly as I get him up and we walk back the 3 miles to niall house.

 

The walk is long and tedious but I'm hoping the fresh air will sober niall up quicker. It's not working. So far it's just making him tired and slouchy which has resulted in me giving him a piggy back ride home.

"Okay babe. Were nearly home. You need to say as little as possible. Okay?"

" 'M 'Kay shaw- Blurghhh"  niall mumbles. Right before he throws up over my shoulder. Meaning the sick is all over the front of me and my arms that are holding his bum so he doesn't fall. He does a couple of little hiccups and whimpers to himself.

"It's okay babe. Come on. Let's get you home" I soothe.  
"S- sorry shawn" he whispers and I can tell he's crying.  
"Hey, no babe. It's okay. These things happen" I tell him as I sit him on a wall so I can turn and face him.

I take off my jacket that caught most of the sick and use the clean sleeve to wipe niall mouth, nose and tears.

" 'M a mess"  
"You're not babe. You're just drunk"  
" 'till a mess"  
"Well, if you are, then you're my mess. Let's get you home"

 

Harry pov

Louis and I are cuddled up watching need for speed. We've had a cheeky male out session and may not have had an orgasm or three (between us). Now we're just waiting for niall and Shawn to come home. Niall texted earlier and I could tell home was drunk, but shawn called me a minute later telling me everything was fine, niall was a bit drunk but he was managing it and would call me if he needs anything. I can't ask for more than that really.

 

"Papa! I- is home!" Niall shouts as they both enter the house.  
"Shhhh niall. They don't need to know how drunk you are" shawn chuckles.

"Hey babe" I call.  
"Hi boys" Lou adds and they both come and stand in the doorway of the living room. 

I make no comment at the fact niall is asleep where he stands. Or the fact that shawn is missing a jacket and a shoe. I also say nothing about the fact niall is swaying and giggling into his hands like he's got away with it.

"Are we in trouble?" Shawn mumbles quietly. 

I can tell he's done his best. He's looked after niall. Got him home in one piece safe and lost his jacket and shoe in the process.

"No. Neither of you are. You needed to have fun and you were safe. Thank you for getting him home to us" I smile at him and he nods his head at me with a shy grin.

"Go on then. Go to bed. He's asleep on the spot" I joke as I gesture to niall, who is actually stood up snoring and dribbling with his head slouched to the side.

 

Shawn pov

Harry helps me get niall upstairs and I'm so greatful. He's not heavy, but I've literally carried him three miles on foot.  I strip him of his jeans and t shirt and get him laid in bed whilst I strip.

"Aggg. Shawny. Hurry up!" He whines and holds his arms out for me whilst making little fist clenching grabby motions.

"Okay okay. Snuggle in then babe." I chuckle but do get into bed. He immediately lays on top of me so I lay my arms over his back as usual and let sleep take me.

 

"Shawn?" Niall yawns.  
"What?" I him back.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too babe." I say without hesitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeek
> 
> Niall and Shawn are so adorable!!


	11. Chapter 11

Harry pov

 

"So, you love my son, do you?" I ask shawn as I enters the kitchen the next morning. He's sat eating some cornflakes with niall asleep next to him with his head on the table. Shawn almost chokes on his cereal and goes bright red but looks at me with an innocent look as if to say 'I don't know what you mean'.

"Thin walls" I laugh.  
"O-oh. Sorry" he frowns.  
"Don't be. If you meant it" I warn and he assures me he meant every word.

 

 

The next few weeks are hilarious.

After the whole love confession thing between niall and Shawn, they are even more inseparable than before (if that was possible.)

It's funny because they think they're being subtle. They aren't. Niall isn't exactly the quietest person I know, in general, so when he's with shawn .... doing things .... it's no exception. So far, they've only made out and based on the noise my pillow didn't block out, given eachother sloppy handjobs.

I haven't called them out on it. I don't want to embarrass them. But when things go further, I'll warn them to be mindful the walls aren't soundproof. But for now, my pillow over my head works well enough (until I run out of air.)

It is adorable when they come down stairs after a 'quiet' make out session, with innocent little faces. If the noise wants a give a way, their bright red faces and messed up hair would leave a lot of questions.

"Sleep well?" I smirk into my coffee.  
"Mhm" niall hums.  
"Yeah thank you" shawn smiles shyly.  
"Sleep at all?" Louis laughs quietly.  
"Um- What?" Niall mumbles as he slides his shoes on his feet and waits by the door with his bag.

"Nothing babe. Get some breakfast please"  
"I'm not hungry-"  
"-Niall. Eat something please" I say firmer. He sighs and rolls his eyes at me which I ignore. I'm used to it by now. He does sit down at the table and so does shawn. They both have some toast and a milkshake.

"Actually- we- we um wanted to-do to ask you both something" shawn stutters and I nod at him that I'm listening. Shawn looks at niall to see if he wants to lead the conversation. By the looks of his face, the only thing he wants to do with this conversation, is LEAVE it.

"Okay- um- me and niall are um- we love eachother."  
"We know you do. It's obvious" Louis smiles.

"So far, we have taken things... um slowly. And- um- we- we feel like we're ready to do more. Um- get more physical with eachother" shawn starts off.

"Okay?" I ask. I'm not quite sure where this is going. Do they want tips? A free house? Condoms? Luckily niall takes over.

"W- we're not ready to have- um- proper sex, um- like with the willies in- um- places. But- we're ready to do -more- than what we have done. Um- w- we've kissed um- with um- tongues and um- seen and touched eachother Willies. We both consented. We both wanted to" niall explains.

"Babe, you don't have to tell us what you and your boyfriend do. That's your business. As long as you're both safe, happy and don't hurt anyone, that's all we want." I tell him but shawn continues.

"Thank you- we appreciate that. Really we do! Erm- we wanted- sort of- your blessing. In a none weird way. I know niall is your baby and you love him to pieces. I want you to know I love him and- it's not about sex to me. I want you to feel you can trust me with his heart. So, if you'd rather we waited, we will" he says honestly.

"Well shawn, so far you have proved you are worthy of our son. I don't see any reason to deny you this if it's what you both want and you're both ready" I say after coming to terms with the fact my son's boyfriend just asked me for permission to take niall virginity.

"Dad?"  
"You're a good lad shawn. Not many would ask their boyfriends dad's for permission to have sex" Louis hums but does agree if it's what they want, there are no objections from us.

"I- i still want to take it slow. Please" niall mumbles.  
"Of course baby. Your pace remember?" Shawn soothes and niall nods softly with a pink blush on his cheeks.

 

Niall pov

After that embarrassingly awkward conversation, my dad gives me and Shawn the condoms he picked up for us. Which is nice but I blush.  
I quickly shove them into my boxer pants draw and leave for school with shawn.

"You can change your mind babe. At any point. If you aren't ready, just say" shawn assures me as we walk down the main street.

"I am. I am sure. I'm- I'm not ready for all the way sex but- but I'm ready for more than what we have done" I promise him and he squeezes my hand softly.

"You're quiet" he hums. Like he doesn't quite believe me.  
"I'm- I was embarrassed. I don't mind talking about my feelings, I'm quite a feely person. But- sex isn't a confident subject for me." I whisper.  
"I would have talked to them in my own" he mumbles and I can tell he feels guilty for making me uncomfortable.

"I know- but we needed- wanted- to do this. I know you respect my dad's and value their opinion. I know it meant a lot to you to get their blessings. But as hard as it was, i think it was something we needed to to do together"

"I think so too" he smiles.

 

Which leads us to a week later when we're laid in my bed. We've had a pizza and chips to share and are watching Lolo and stitch. Well... We were watching Lolo and stitch.

"Shawn?" I whisper.  
"Niall?" He whispers back with a smirk.  
"I'm bored. Wanna kiss instead?" I mumble. I keep looking at the screen and can feel him turn to look at me. Less than 5 seconds later, his hand is on my cheek, turning my head to face him and his lips lock against mine. The next thing I know, his top half is laid over my chest to make the kiss firmer.

He starts off slow as usual and gives me a few minutes to get into the kiss before sucking on my bottom lip. It causes me to moan softly and he uses that opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. He still keeps it slow. Sliding his tongue against mine softly and carefully licking over my braces like he's trying to taste every part of me.

"Hmm" he hums and it turns into a low moan which makes me groan in response and my jeans get tighter.  
"S- Shawn?" I moan softly and he takes that as a hint I need air. I'm still not very good at the whole 'breathing through my nose' thing so I have to have a little break in between kissing. Luckily, shawn is good at figuring out when I need air.

He continues kissing me but trails down my neck and sucks a small bruise into the bit where my neck meets my shoulder. Which causes me to moan louder. I feel him smirk into my neck and graze his teeth over the small mark before kissing it gently and moving to the middle of my chest to press gentle kisses there through my shirt.

"Yo- you can take it- off" I pant and his eyes flick up to meet mine. They're looking for any form of doubt - which he won't find. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Once he feels my response acceptable he gently sits me up and removes my shirt before dropping it to the floor beside my bed. I feel his eyes raking over my body and bite my lip before offering him a nervous smile.

"You're beautiful" he whispers. The strange thing is, I believe him. The way he's looking and me and speaking to me and treating me, makes me feel stunning. It makes me feel beautiful. It makes me feel like I'm the best thing in the world. It makes me feel everything I don't usually feel. But that's shawn all over. He makes me feel confident and gorgeous and mature. He makes me feel like I matter and like nothing is too big of a task for him. He makes me feel wanted and needed and loved. He makes me feel special. I don't consider myself attractive. But the way he is looking at me right now, I don't feel anything but.

"I love you" I tell him honestly.  
"I love you" he replies without hesitation.

"S- shawn?"  
"Yeah baby?"  
"Can we try- d- doing more?"  
"Of course. Course babe. It's there anything you'd like to try?"

"I- I don't really know- what there is" I mumble and he pecks my lips twice lightly.

"Okag babe. Well, I can name somethings that aren't all the way sex; tell you what they are and you can choose what you'd like to do. Does that sound okay?"

"C- can I pick um- more tha- than one?"  
"Of course. Pick as many as you like" he assures me.

"But just because you pick them now doesn't mean we have to do them now. We can wait. Or you can change your mind at any point. Nothing is set in stone okay? Also, if you want to do something- like blow jobs- but you don't want to do it to me- that's okay too. There's no pressure."

I nod that I understand.

"Okay babe. So we can make out. Like we have done before.  We can touch eachothers willies with hand jobs. We can suck eachothers willies- that's a blow job. We can try something called rimming- that's where- for example if I rimmed you- i would use my tongue and lick inside your bum"

I feel myself go bright red at the last one. That doesn't sound very appealing. I shake my head at the last one and Shawn smiles reassuringly that that's okay.

"There's fingering. So, I can put my fingers inside your bum or you can put your fingers inside me if you'd like"

"That sounds painful" I cringe.  
"It can be if you do it wrong. It's more- it doesn't hurt per say. It's more uncomfortable. But we'd use this thing called lubricant, or lube, and that would make the fingers go in easier. We would also start with one finger and work up when ready. But there's no rush."

"Do- would we do the finger thing before sex?"

"Yeah babe. So if you were going inside me. You'd use your fingers to stretch me so when your Willy went inside, I could adjust easier."

"Oh. Okay. I'll um- I'll make a note of that" i blush. It's something I need to know. I obviously don't want to hurt him. But I feel like it's stuff I should already know.

"How are you feeling now?"  
"Um- good. A bit overwhelmed to be honest. I just- i feel so naive not knowing this" I tell him honestly.  
"You've never needed to know this before. Baby everyone starts somewhere. There's no shame in being innocent"

"C- can we try the um- hand jobs?" I stutter. We've made out before and we've touched eachothers willies before through our jeans, but not skin on skin. I think that's a good place to start. Maybe. I'm just I'm nervous because the only time anyone has touched or seen my Willy like that was at the party when I finished in literally 3 seconds. I don't want that to happen. That will be so embarrassing!

"J- just a heads up- i might um- i can't promise how long I'll last"  I whisper, looking at my hands in shame.

"Niall? Look at me babe" shawn says gently and I flick my eyes up to see him before looking back at my hands. He doesn't accept that and places his hand under my chin to make me look at him.

"This is all new to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. No one lasts long when they first start doing things. Stamina doesn't happen over night. We can work on it. To be honest baby, my stamina isn't amazing. We can work on it together" he says kindly and kisses my lips twice softly.

"I don't deserve you" I whisper with a smile.  
"You deserve the moon and stars. Every single one of them" he assures me.

 

He kisses me softly again before adding a little more force and slowly rubbing his hands over my chest and up and down my back. Mean while, I grip onto the front of his t shirt like my life depends on it.

"Off" I moan as he assaults my neck again but with just kisses this time. He takes the hint and pulls back whilst he removes his shirt.

"W-wow. You- wow" I stammer as I take in his defined chest and toned stomache. I try to subtly put my arm over mine but shawn is having none of it. He grabs my arms gently and pushes me back so he's laid over me, holding my arms above my head so he can take in my body.

He kisses my lips and asks if I'm sure.

"Y-yeah. Can- can you do yours- f-first?" I whisper and he complies by taking off his jeans. I can see where his Willy is straining in his pants and there's a bit of wetness on the front of his grey boxers. He looks big.

"We can stop at any time babe"  
"I don't wanna stop" i tell him with honesty despite my shaky voice.  
"Okay babe. Take your time"

I take a few deep breaths. I'm not scared or having doubts. I'm just super nervous. What if he doesn't think it's good enough? Or he figures out he can do better?

I put those thoughts aside and slowly unbutton my jeans, pull down the zip and shimmy them down my legs.

"God I didn't think you could be anymore gorgeous" shawn mumbles and once again I feel myself blush.  
"C-can we do the- um- boxers at the same time?" I mumble. I don't want to go first because all his attention will be on my Willy. But I don't want to go second because he'll be able to compare the size to his own easier.

"Of Course. Are you ready now?" He smiles and I nod. We both hook out fingers in the waist bands of out pants and pull them down before sliding them off and leaving them on the floor.

"You're big" I blurt out as I take in his size. He's huge! Okay, I only have myself to compare it to as I've never seen another Willy before, but still.

"You're big too babe" he smiles and I frown at him. No I'm not.  
"Its well short. 'Specially compared to you" I mutter.  
"Okay babe. You aren't as long as me, but your Willy is wide. It's thick and got good girth on it"  
"That just means it's fat" I frown.  
"No it doesn't. Trust me babe. Girth is a better than length." He chuckles.

"So- so um. In the- nicest possible way- c- can you please t- touch me? I'm achy" I whine a little and he smirks at me before wrapping his hand around my willy. I jump in suprise and thrust into his hand which feels amazing. I fall so I'm almost on my back but can't help the moans that fall out of my mouth as he slides his hand up and down my length. He rubs his thumb over the tip and spreads some- um- liquid stuff? I don't know. It helps his hand guide up and down me easier. My arms give out and I'm laid on my back now with shawn sitting over me, legs either side of my waist. He squeezes softly everytime he reaches the base and I groan even more.

"S- shawn I'm c-close" I whine. I don't want to finish! This feels amazing. I want it to last forever. Luckily shawn slows his hand down and I can feel my orgasm right there. I just can't reach it.

"Ngg. Shawn" I whine and rub my hips upwards in to his hand.  
"God you're gorgeous Ni"  
"More. Gimme more" I pant.  
"Okay baby" is the only warning I get before he speeds up once again. I last approximately 10 seconds when that happens.

"Ughhh. God shawn. Ugh. Yeah" I moan out and He kisses my lips gently as I finish over his hand. He rubs me through my first (wanted) orgasm and I feel amazing. I have a few minutes to breath before I remember that I haven't even touched his Willy yet!

"H-hey. Um- confession- i- i sort of- um- forgot to touch your willy"  
"It's okay babe. I knew it would be a powerful orgasm for you."  
"W-want me to do you now?" I pant soglyy as my breathing returns to normal.

"If you want to babe. But don't feel obliged" he says softly.  
"I don't. Feel obliged that is! I want to. I-mate can you- guide me?" I rush out.

Shawn smiles and sits next to me against the headboard. He grabs my hand and guides it carefully to his willy. He wraps my hand around it and his hand around mine so he can guide me. He slides up and down slowly and pants softly.

"Some people like it slow. Some like it fast. For me, it's not the speed. It's the pressure. I like being squeezed and the pressure to be about how it is now" he explains.

With shawn guiding me, it doesn't take long for him to finish over my hand and then kiss my lips sleepily.

We both yawn and I think there's some sort of unspoken agreement that we can shower tomorrow. Maybe even together for another hand job. I wouldn't mind.

"Keep it down next time!" Is what jolts me from my half asleep / half awake state - as someone bangs on the wall. I look around to determine the source of the noise and shawn looks just as traumatised as I feel when we realise where it came from.

"S-sorry dad!"


	12. Chapter 12

Louis pov

"Niall? What are you doing?" Groan as I feel niall climb into bed in between me and harry. He hasn't done this for over a year!

"Hada bad dream" he mumbles as he lifts Harry's arm, lays himself snugg against his chest and lays Harry's arm over himself. Harry tightens his arm around niall and kisses his head softly.

"Okay babe. Well why don't we talk about it?" I suggest. The last thing I want is for niall to go backwards with his development.

"No ta. Snuggle papa" he mumbles as sleep takes over.  
"Harry?" I whisper shout.  
"Hmmm"  
"Niall can't sleep in here. Can you back me up please"  
"It's one night Lou. My baby boy needs snuggles"

"Fine. Snuggle with papa" I snap and storm out of the room. I end up sat on the couch watching big bang theory when Liam texts asking if I wanna go over. I bite my lip and hesitate. I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. Me and Harry are getting there and he's forgiven me for betraying him. But that being the case, he's forgiven me before, he can do it again.

'Gimme 5'

_____

 

Harry pov

The next morning I wake up with a mouth full of nialls hair as he's curled up in a ball in my arms. I move the hair out of my mouth and smooth it down to his head a little more and he shifts softly under my touch.

"H-hiya papa" he yawns.  
"Hey babe"  
"S-sorry for not being a big boy last night. I- I needed my papa" he whispers.  
"It's okay babe. I'm always here. I'll always be right here baby."

"Dad wasn't happy" he sighs.

"I think he's concerned about you. He doesn't want all your hard work undone by not being able to sleep in your bed again" I say honestly but softly. I don't want to upset him or get him at the stage where he doesn't talk to us and bottles everything up again.

"I know papa. I tried!" He frowns and I cuddle him tighter.  
"I know you did baby. Thank you for trying. Do you want to talk about it?"  
"Y-you left us" he whispers.

"That's not going to happen babe. I love you and your dad so much. I'm not going anywhere." I reassure him.  
"But- what if he goes with Liam again?"

"He won't babe. He knows how much he hurt you and me last time. He wouldn't do that again. So don't you worry about me and your dad. We aren't splitting up" I comfort him and Louis chooses that moment to enter the room.

"Hey Lou" I smile softly and both niall and I sit up to make as start on getting ready. Sitting up is as far as we get though because the bed is warm and the air is cold.

"Hey" he mutters before grabbing some jeans and a shirt to change into.  
"Where have you been?" Niall frowns as he nods to Louis shoes. That are wet and have left muddy prints in the carpet.

"Oh? Out" he mutters. My heart drops. I know where he was. It's written all over his face. All over his beautiful betraying face.  
"You were with Liam. Weren't you?" Niall whispers.

"So what if I was. I'm your dad. You're not mine. It's not up to you who I see and when I see them. So keep your nose out" Louis snaps at him and I feel niall deflate against me. He hates being shouted at. He also hates feeling like his family is falling apart. And that one sentence has done both.

"Why can't you just keep it in your trousers? Sex is supposed to be special! With someone you love! With someone who loves you. Why would you keep hurting papa by going with Liam! Why would keep hurting our family for a few measly orgasms with him?" Niall snaps.

"Who the fuck do you think you're speaking to!?" Louis roars and charges forward towards  niall and I do the only thing I'm apparently good at, I cover nialls body with mine and take the full brunt of the assault.

Niall screams. He screams and cries and covers his ears with his hands as he begs Louis to stop. He doesn't. I don't know much right now. The only thing I do know, is that Louis is not laying one finger on niall. I'll protect him with my last dying breath.

"Fucking stupid waste of space! You fucking freak. Hiding behind daddy won't work! You dead. You're fucking dead niall! I will get you. And when I do, I won't hesitate to go through your precious papa" Louis spits out as he lays into us.

He lays in to me physically and niall mentally and emotionally. I'm angry at myself that I can only shield him from the physical infliction of pain. Not the mental and emotional torture he's experiencing.

"Shhh. It's- uh- it's okay babe. P-papa is- uh- here" I whisper to niall.

I make niall curl into a ball and lay over him to shield him from the blows and lay over him so he doesn't get hurt. 9 kicks, 13 punches, 5 smacks, 3 hair rags, and a knee to the ribs later Louis gives up his assault and leaves.

I stay on my hands and knees over niall until I hear the front door slam shut and I finally collapse onto my side. It's not so much the punches that hurt. It was the fact niall was screaming and begging him to stop and he didn't. He just hurt niall way more than he hurt me.

 

"P-papa? I'm so so-sorry" niall cries as he runs lightly over my forehead and stops some of the flowing blood from going into my eye.

"I-it's okay babe. I need- need you to go to shawns. Okay? Stay there until I c-call you" I stammer. I can feel vomit rising from my throat and throw my head over the bed to empty my stomache onto the floor.

"I'm not leaving you"  
"Niall-"  
"-No papa. I'm not leaving without you" He says firmly.  
"O-okay. We need a plan" I mumble. I feel really dizzy and light headed but all I can focus on is that I need to get niall out of here and somewhere safe. How ironic is that? After everything he's been through, his own home isn't even safe.

"Why don't I pack? Real quick- just essentials?" Niall offers.  
"Yeah babe. Can you- really quickly lock the front and back door? And put the chains on"  
"Course papa" he nods and runs off to do that quickly.

I feel myself relax more when I hear the chains slide across the locks to secure the house better. I also hear him turn the key locks so that's even more reassuring.

"Okay babe- we need to- to pack super quick"  
"Okay papa. You stay there and I'll pack for us. Save your energy" niall whispers and I can tell he feels guilty. He blames himself for this happening.

"Okay. Thank you. Niall? This wasn't your fault. Okay?"  
"But if I hadn't-"  
"-No. I'm not letting you blame yourself for this. It's not on you babe. It's his fault for using his hands not his words" I tell niall firmly but not nasty.

Niall nods softly before leaving the room to grab two duffel bags. He packs my stuff first. Mainly clothes. My laptop, wires, chargers etc. He then goes to pack his stuff. He doesn't take long and has packed for both of us in less than 10 minutes.

"Where are we going?"  
"Find a hotel for a few days. Till we figure something out" I grumble as I stand up from the bed. I go dizzy again and throw up twice more.

"Should I call a taxi?"  
"Yeah babe-"

*KNOCK   KNOCK   KNOCK   KNOCK*

I freeze and so does niall. I move to stand in front of him just in case before we hear shawn shout though the letter box.

"Wake up Niall! We're supposed to be going for lunch!"  
"Go let him in babe"  
"I'll lock the door after"

I hear niall mumbling to shawn and I hear shawn asking niall why he's crying. I carefully pick up both bags and make my way slowly to the top of the stairs.

"Oh god!"  
"Papa! They're too heavy" niall scolds and he rushes up to take the bags off me. I'm actually really greatful as I feel dizzy once again and have to use the wall to balance myself.

"You're coming to my house. Both of you" shawn says and he hooks my arm over his shoulder to support me and take some of my weight.

"We can't-"  
"-You can. My mum will understand. And my dad is a boxer. You'll be safe there. Both of you" he insists and he nods towards niall. I know he's telling me it's not safe for him here. Like I don't know that!!

"T-thank you. Just for a day or two" I nod. Niall grabs the bags and shawn helps me down the stairs. It's a slow and tedious task that takes far too long and I'm nervous about Louis coming back. But we're finally at the bottom and all of us are in one piece.

 

"Wait here. Lock the door when I'm gone. I'm getting my dad to help. We're going too slow" shawn instructs us once he's sat me down on the bottom step.

"Hurry shawn"  
"Keep him awake!"

"Papa? Papa! P-"

 

I black out  
_____

I wake up sometime later feeling like I've been his by a truck. My first thought is, are niall and Louis okay. It all comes back to me then and my main thought is where's niall.

I roll my head side to side.

I feel so pathetic but everything hurts. I whimper as I open my eyes. The room is dark (Thank God) as the curtains are closed, but they don't block out all of the light so I can still see what's around me. I try to sit up and nearly vomit again at the pure pain of moving. I just groan and roll onto my side, panting harshly to try and control my breathing. I need to find niall.

The room door opens and I straight away know it's niall from his figure and blonde hair.

"Papa! You're awake" he rushes out and quickly comes to sit on the bed next to me.  
"A-are you hurt?" I ask him.  
"No papa" he shakes his head. I can tell he's been crying. Meaning he is hurt, just not physically.

"Do you remember what happened?" He whispers.  
"Yeah babe" I breath out.  
"I'm sorry-"  
"-Don't you dare. This isn't your fault babe. You trust me right?" He nods "This isn't your fault babe. I don't blame you, okay? Promise me you believe that"

"I promise papa"  
"Good. Where are we?" I frown.  
"Shawns house. You blacked out on the stairs. Shawns dad carried you over. Me and Shawn carried a bag each" he smiles softly.

"I had to be carried? God that's embarrassing" I mutter but smile a little so niall knows I'm grateful.

"I don't care how embarrassing you are. We're both safe that's all I want" he grins.

"Hi Harry, how are you feeling love?" Shawns mum, Jenny, asks as she enters the room armed with medical stuff.

"Like I've been hit by a truck" I half joke.  
"Oh love. Right I'm gonna give you some more pain killers and change your bandages. Niall love, why don't you make him some tea and a sandwich?"

"You're trying to get rid of me" niall frowns but does make his way to the door.

"Sort of yeah. Your papa needs food and a cup of tea to get his strength back. I need to clean him up and you don't need to see the marks. You were there when they were made. I'm not letting you get any more upset. Okay?" Jenny tells him softly and strokes his cheek gently. I can tell he is really affected by what's happened.

"Go on babe. A tea and ham sandwich would be lovely. And when you're done, Jenny should be too and we can have snuggles" I encourage him. He smiles gently and heads out of the room.

"Is anything broken?" I ask Jenny once niall is out of ear shot.  
"Few cracked ribs. I know you won't feel it, but you've been really lucky. It could have been a lot worse" she soothes as she gives me some painkillers and water. 

"I'm assuming niall told you what happened"  
"He didn't have to love. As a nurse, I see a lot of domestic abuse"  
"Th-thats the first time Louis has- done anything like that" I sigh.  
"That shows too love. But you've been hurt like this before" she hums as she traces her finger lightly over one of the cigarette scars on my back.

"I was nialls age" I whimper. I don't want to go there. Not again. I feel physically sick just thinking about the environment I was I. The one I'm apparently still in and have allowed my son to grow up in.

"Its okay. We don't have to talk about it. You and niall are free to stay here as long as you need. Tom (shawns dad) shawn and niall went to get the rest of your stuff so that's all here. We have a spare room, this one you're in now. You and niall can stay in here or niall can share with shawn. It's no bother."

 

"Thank you. For keeping him safe" I whisper. That should have been my job.

"You kept him safe too. These marks prove that. Don't blame yourself."

 

Jenny makes quick work of cleaning me up, wiping away dry blood and covering my open wounds with fresh bandages. She applies bruise cream to pretty much my whole body (baring a few places) and  takes my temperature.

Niall comes in just after that, balancing a ham sandwich, two cups of tea and a glass of orange juice on a tray.

"Wow! Thank you babe" I grin as he sets the tray down. He hands me the cup of tea and rests the sandwich next to me. He hands the other drink to Jenny and has a sip of the juice.

"H-how are you feeling?"  
"Quite sore babe. But I'll live. Okay? I'm a bit tender but I'm okay babe" I tell him honestly.

"C-can I ask a favour?" He sighs.  
"I won't report him darling. That's the last thing you need" I sigh but reach out and soothe my thumb over the back of his hand softly.

"No. Papa no. I want you to. He can't be allowed to get away with this. But it's up to you on that. You didn't force me to report the r-rape. I won't force you to report this." He says maturley and I can tell he's thought a lot about this over the past few hours.

"Thank you babe. I appreciate your support. We'll see then. What was the favour?" I smile carefully. Smiling hurts. As does drinking tea but it's a really nice cup so I'll try my best.

"Please leave him" he whispers.  
"Niall-"  
"-I want you to be safe. I want to be safe. Papa we aren't safe with him. Not if he's capable of this"

"It won't be easy babe. He'll try and fight for you. It won't be pretty. I don't want you caught up in a custody battle-"

"-Becasue he's more likely to win" niall finishes my sentence.

"He's your biological dad. I'm not" I sigh.  
"No he's my father. You've been more of a dad to me than he's ever been"

"I can't lose you niall" I whisper. He wipes the tears that are slowly making their way down my cheeks and takes the cup out of my shaking hands to set it on the bedside table.

"Papa. You won't. You remember the white family? You helped that little girl. She was in a bad environment and you helped get her to safety. It didn't matter who her biological parents were, the judges don't really look at that. They base it on where they think the child is best. After seeing this, there's no way they'll deem him fit to look after me." He says maturley and it really sets in how far he's come and really grown up over these last few months.

"They'll ask you what you want too"

"I want to be with you. I want to keep you safe and stay with you because, out of everyone in my life, You're the only person that hasn't hurt me."

"Are you sure it's what you want babe? I love you so much and I want you all to myself, but I don't want you to resent me for stopping you being able to see your dad" I say honestly.

"As of today, I have no dad. I only have my papa" he says firmly and the most terrifying thing is, I can tell he means every word.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo things are about to get intense!!!!

Niall pov

"I um- I'm gonna share with papa. Is- if that's okay?" I mumble as I get changed into my shorts and t shirt in shawns room. He's getting changed too and I feel him glance over at me where I'm sat on the bed taking my socks off.

"Of course babe. You need him and he needs you, I understand that."

"I feel so guilty" I whisper. I look down at my hands and quickly wipe the few tears that fall. I feel shawn sit next to me and he pulls me in for a cuddle.  
"This isn't your fault babe. Your dad- he's to blame for this. I know you don't want to think of him doing wrong and him being at fault but he is. He used his fists. Not you. You aren't to blame"

"But I prompted him to do that. I fuelled the fire" I whimper.  
"Niall-"

"-He's been hurt like this before. I don't- i don't know all the details but- i heard dad crying to granny Jo-Jo. Saying that papas old boyfriend used to hit him and make him do things- that- that he didn't want to do. Dad promised he'd never hurt him like that. And because of me, he broke that promise and broke my papa's heart" I whimper and shawn pulls me so I'm sat sideways on his knee and I burry my face into his bare chest.

"I know you feel guilty baby but it's not your fault. You didn't cause him to hurt your papa. You didn't make him do anything. You didn't provoke him. You were just trying to defend your family and remind your dad of what he's thrown away. Baby please trust me, you aren't to blame" shawn soothes as he runs his hand up and down my back gently and presses kisses to my cheeks.

"It- it was so scary. I've never- never seen him so mad before" I hiccup.  
"I know darling. I'm sorry you had to go witness that"

"I- i don't understand what's so great about sex that- that he'd throw away our family" I sigh.

 

Shawn pov

"I can't answer that I'm afraid. Sex is different for everybody. It seems to me that, whilst your dad knew the amazing thing he had with you and your papa. He didn't think he'd ever lose it." I mumble but try not to slag any of his family off. No matter how shite his dad is for making my baby feel like this. It won't make niall feel better.

"Make love to me" niall whispers and I feel like I must have misheard him.  
"W-What?"  
"Make love to me" he says a little firmer and nibbles the bottom of my neck softly.

"Uh- n-no niall" I stutter and halt his assault on my neck by pecking his lips softly.  
"Why not? You said you love me" he frowns and I can see the doubt flashing through his eyes.

"I do. I do love you niall-"  
"-Then sleep with me!" He argues.  
"No" I say firmly and he glares at me then moves to the other side of the room, off of my knee.  
"Why Not?" He snaps.

"Because it won't make you feel any better-"  
"-Yes it will-" he argues.  
"-No it won't-"  
"-You don't know that-"  
"- Yes I do" I sigh and he gives up.

His whole persona drops like a lead balloon and he sits on the bed in a crumpled mess.

"I'm sorry for snapping" he whispers to the floor. Like he's afraid I'll be mad with him. I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at his dad. But not at niall. I'm not mad at him for shouting and being angry. He has every right to be. He's upset and he just doesn't know how to control his emotions.

"Baby it's okay. Come on. I'm not mad at you. And I didn't say not to the sex because I don't want to or because I don't love you. It's because I love you that I won't have sex with you. You aren't ready and the only reason you want to is to find out why your dad did this. You want comfort and answers and I'm sorry baby but, us having sex won't provide you with either of those."

"I'm just so confused. But I think you're right. It won't help. I'll probably just feel worse. Thank you f-for not taking advantage of me" he mumbles.  
"I wouldn't do that babe" I assure him and he gives me a small smile.

"Night shawn"  
"Night niall"  
"I love you" he smiles and gives my lips a light peck.  
"I love you too darling. Sleep well" I mumble as I card my hand lightly through his hair and deepen the kiss. He kisses back immediately and let's me slide my tongue into his mouth and he moans.

I moan in response and keep his head in place with my hand as I softly scratch my nails against his scalp.

I break the kiss as I don't want either of us to get too worked up and for niall to try and get me to have sex with him again. When we do have sex, I want it to be for the right reasons.

"Night" he smiles softly and I also bid him a goodnight.

 

Harry pov

I'm pretty much asleep when my arm is lifted and a small body nestles against mine.

"Hi papa. I'm sleeping here" niall whispers to me and I smile as best I can before kissing the top of his head.

"Okay darling. Are you and shawn Okay? I heard you talking loudly" I hum as he snuggles into me.  
"Yeah papa. We're fine. I- i was just upset and I asked shawn to have- to have um -sex with me" niall mutters.

"Okay? Can I ask why babe? I thought you weren't at that stage" I frown. Rather confused and alarmed that niall would tell me this after showing no indications to wanting all the way sex. Yes, he said they're ready to do more. But he made it clear that all the way sex was not on the short term list of things he's ready to do.

"I dunno. I guess I wanted to know why dad likes it so much. I wanted to feel loved" he shrugs and I'm about to dive out of bed and strangle shawn. Despite the fact that I can't get out of bed on my own due to my injuries. Luckily niall continues.

"He didn't. He said no. He didn't think it would help and was sure I was doing it for comfort or answers that he couldn't give. We- we just kissed"

"Okay darling. Are you feeling any better after talking to him?" I say softly and smooth his hair with my fingers.  
"A bit. I still don't understand. But I don't think I ever will" he shrugs and my heart shatters. He thinks it's his fault still. He's trying to understand so he can fix it. Unfortunately there are somethings that you can't fix.

"Sometimes there are things we wish we could change and there are things we wish we could fix, but it's just not possible. The world isn't always fair and it doesn't always make sense. It's just the way things are" I soothe.

"It sucks" he mumbles then laughs softly.  
"I know babe."  
"I love you papa."  
"I love you niall. More than you'll ever know."

"Thank you"  
"For what babe?" I frown and he turns over so his face is to my face and I wipe some of his hair out of his eyes. He could do with a hair cut. I make a note of that.

"For being my papa. For being amazing and protective and supportive. You've always been there for me since as long as I can remember and I don't ever want to live with out you in my life. You make me feel loved. You make me feel safe and like everything will be okay. Even though my life is falling apart" he whispers and I kiss his hair gently.

"I'm sorry you've had a really hard life babe. I'm sorry it hasn't been fair or easy. But I am here and I'm not going anywhere baby. I will always be here for you."

"I know papa. I'm gonna get some sleep now." He yawns and is asleep 10 seconds later.

I cuddle him closer to me and he snuggles his face into my chest and inhales my scent deeply before rubbing his nose nightly into my chest hairs. He does that for comfort. He used to do it when he was younger and he wanted comfort from my scent. I don't know why it helps but it always seems to calm him down or cheer him up or soothe him.

I cuddle him closer to me and re evaluate my entire life and how it's come to this. How it's lead to me sleeping with my son in the spare room of his boyfriends parents house, battered and bruised and drained emotionally.

I thought I'd left that part of my life behind me. I thought I'd paid the price for being a slut and sleeping with Callum for food when I was 15 and homeless. My mum and dad went through a rough patch and my dad beat me up whilst my mum stood and watched. So I left. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back and the money wedged in the back of my phone case for emergencies.

It wasn't too bad at the start. There was a park 20 minutes away from my house that I went to and slept under the skateboard ramps. It was pretty comfy just a bit cold.

But over all it wasn't bad.

There was a shop near by that I bought a loaf of bread, a small the of butter and some long life cheese. The shop keeper let me have a plastic knife for free and I sat on the round a bout in the play ground, took all the bread out of the packet and buttered each piece. I put a thin layer of cheese in between two slices to make a sandwich, cut it in half and put them all back in to packet to keep safe. That loaf kept me going for 11 days. I then repeated the process. Each time I got better and better at needing less food to stay alive.

I programmed my body to run off of the bare essentials and only spent money on things like ingredients to make sandwiches as it was cheap and lasted me a long time. It was also really filling. Each loaf of bread was 40p (I got the cheap one) butter was 89p and the cheese was £1.09. The cheese didn't quite cover a full loaf of bread but I used it sparingly and whatever bread wasn't accompanied with cheese was eaten plain.

Staying hydrated was the main issue. Luckily water was cheap enough and I again trained my body to not need loads of it to survive. For a litre of water it was only 59p and that lasted me 2 days.

I lived like that for 192 days before one of the little old ladies that lives near my mum's house spotted me and tried to make me go home. I ran. I ran and my phone fell out of my pocket along the way (with the rest of my money wedged into the case of it) but I didn't notice. I didn't notice until I'd stopped running 6 miles later and when I went back for it, it had gone.

I survived for a further 21 days begging and asking for money or food or water.

The 22nd day of begging I met callum. I asked him for food and as a skinny 16 year old vulnerable child, when he offered me a bed and as much food as I wanted, I took it. I didn't think anything could be worse than being homeless for 225+ days and having to celebrate my 16th birthday sleeping in a shed next to a run down house. There was a hole in the bottom of the door that I managed to squash through to keep dry and semi warm from the blistering winds, raging storms and 9 inches of snow that followed after. The owners found me 8 days later and threatened to call the police if I didn't leave. They were nice and didn't just call them anyway as I didn't take anything. I thought things couldn't get worse than that. I thought wrong.

He started nice as they usually do and he let me have as much food as I wanted. I didn't have to do anything. He didn't ask for money and he claimed he just wanted to help me get my strength back. Help me get on my feet and once I'm healthy again, he'll help me get a job to support myself.

3 weeks later he kissed me. I let him. I kissed back. It was my first form of contact with another male and up until that point I hadn't even thought of being with another man. I'd been with a few girls before. I was no virgin and I wasn't innocent but I was when it came to gay sex.

But we had sex. It was fun. It was easy and he was nice and reassuring and him being a 22 year old successful man was great. It sort of felt like fate. Like I'd met him for a reason. You read stories growing up about people meeting someone whilst homeless or their homeless and they're helped and built back up and they fall in love and it's all mushy and fluffy and just RIGHT.

And naive 16 year old me fell for him. He was charming and had a sexy smirk and he made me feel looked after. He was an accountant and made good money and helped me apply for and complete my college A Levels. I did History, Law, Business Studies and Psychology. I also had a part time job in a bakery and saved every single penny for emergencies. It was hard work but worth it and a year and a half later I left college with 4 A's and an offer at Oxford University and Harvard University.

 

During my last year at college, Callum changed. He was angry all the time and arrogant and malicious. Nothing I did was good enough and everything I did do was wrong. 

We argued. We snapped and shouted and said vile things to each other and one time it got out of hand and he slapped me across the face.

I cried. He cried. He told me he was sorry and he loved me.

He told me he didn't mean it and it would never happen again and I was stupid enough to believe him. He tip toed around me for days. Catering to my every need and showering me with love and affection. Everything was perfect once again. Until he came home one day and I'd burnt the roast dinner as I had fallen asleep. He 'accidently' spilt the roast potato oil over my feet and I narrowly avoided 3rd degree burns.

Once again he assured me he loved me and he was so sorry and he cried and I cried and it took a few days, but I forgave him.

The next assault was when we were at the supermarket and he asked if I wanted Turkey or Chicken wraps. I said Chicken he wanted Turkey. He grabbed my arm on the way back into the flat and trapped it in the doorway, causing me to fracture my wrist.

He cried. I cried. I Forgave him.

It went down hill after that.

It resulted in me getting cigarettes died out into my back whilst I slept as I 'hogged the duvet'. I got my hair ripped out when he stood me up by my hair after he punched me in the nose for sneezing during a football match he was watching on the telly. It was after that, that all the fingers in my left hand were snapped backwards when I told him I invited my mum for dinner to try and make up with her. She'd left Des at this point and started dating a new man called Robin. He seemed good for her.

 

I was once again starved and beaten. He took all my savings and put it into his bank account that I couldn't access. I couldn't leave. I had literally nothing and although that didn't stop me the first time, at least I'd been well fed up to that point. Meaning I had the energy to get away and fight for my freedom.

He still wanted sex. I didn't. I realised he didn't love me and I lost interest in him. Aside from that, I didn't have the energy to have sex and fake orgasms to keep him happy. I did it anyway. I smiled and acted like a slut for him. I faked enthusiasm and desire and did what he wanted. I learnt the hard way that you don't say no to callum. If he wants sex, you have sex. If he wants a sandwich, you make him a sandwich. If he wants to break every bone in your body, he can and he will.

I learnt the hard way that if I don't do what he wants when he wants it, there are severe consequences.

My arms were broken. My stomache was sliced. My nose got shattered. My eye was battered shut to the point I couldn't open it for 6 weeks. I was spat at. I was called pathetic and worthless and weak. I was called ugly and a freak. I was told no one would ever love me and I would die alone.

 

But I got out.

 

He called me his victim and I snapped. Two years in an abusive relationship and being called a victim is what makes me leave.

I punched him. Straight in the face. He fell backwards and looked at me with the same small eyes and weary expression I had looked at him with, a thousand times prior. He looked at me with fear.

 

I grabbed his wallet and ran. The first thing I did was buy a a suitcase and a load of clothes. I with drew all of the money on the card (all £9,792). I jumped on the first train out of London which lead me to Doncaster and rented a flat for 2 months before applying for Univeristy and starting the process of buying my current (previous?) House.

I studied none stop for 3 years and then did a 2 year law placement and became an official Solicitor 10 months before meeting Louis and then Niall.

It was hard. It was messy. It was draining.

 

But I got out.

 

Which leads me to my current situation.

Me re-evaluating my entire life and how it's come to this. How it's lead to me sleeping with my son in the spare room of his boyfriends parents house, battered and bruised and drained emotionally.

I cry. Once again I cry over him. Over Callum and over louis. But mainly Louis becasue he knew. He fucking KNEW what I'd been through and how fucked up my life was.

He knew how messed up I was and how hard I'd worked to get myself back on track. To get myself to the point in my life where I could say ' I'm happy with who I am '. I got my life back together. I had my own house and my dream job and a freaking Range Rover with a personalised registration plate because I wanted one and I could afford it and I work hard for my money. So why not.

 

And then I fell in love with Louis. 

 

Well actually, he threw coffee over my head in Starbucks because he I looked like his ex from behind. I loved him immediately. He had balls to do that. To stand up for himself and make a scene purely because he wanted to. I then noticed his fiery eyes and wild hair. He was slightly shorter than he and had a mischievous grin and the wicked sense of humour to match it. He was curvy and slightly squishy but toned and stunning.

We got chatting.

We dated.

We fucked (it was epic)

We fell in love.

He told me about niall. I will admit, it annoyed me at first that he wasn't honest about having a child. And it flared my OCD up as he was a very messy child. As most are at 4 years old. But Louis assured me I would love niall and Niall would love me.

I met niall.

I did love him. Straight away I loved him. He was energetic and enthusiastic and adorable and innocent and so full of curiosity it was endearing and terrifying at the same time. But I lived him. I loved his giant blue eyes and chubby cheeky. I loved his squishy stomache and chunky legs. I loved his floppy arms and tiny hands. I loved his little feet and fluffy blonde hair. He was life. He was love.

He loved me. The moment he met me it was 'awwy see this'  'awwy we go your house'  'snuggles awwy'  I had no doubt he would be the perfect son. And he was. He IS. He's the best child I could have asked for. Which is why the thought of losing him is terrifying. To the point it is reducing me to tears. Only I don't realise I'm crying until niall nudges me and wipes my tears from my cheeks like I have hundreds if times before for him.

"Why are you crying papa?" He whispers. Voice slightly hoarse and I know it's partly grim waking up but partly from seeing me cry. It makes him cry everytime he sees me or Louis cry. He's that pure. That amazing.

"I'm just thinking babe. About everything that's happened in my life up until now" I tell him honestly but vaguely.

"About your old boyfriend that hurt you?" He mumbles.  
"How do you know about that?" I gasp. I'm shocked he knows because I know for a fact I didn't tell him and I'm praying that Louis didn't. But how else would he know?!

"I heard Dad talking to Granny Jo-Jo. I was 7 and he was crying. He told her your old boyfriend hurt you and made you- made you do things" he whispers.

"I'm not mad at you babe. I just wanted to shelter you from that. There's no reason for you to need to know I was hurt." I soothe.

"Will you tell me? Not- not about that because it must be awful. But about your life. How you got where you are?"

"It's a bit raw at the moment babe. But maybe one day" I assure him.

 

We're brought out of our little world of cuddles and reassuring hugs by a loud banging on the front door.

I hear Shawns dad, Tom, answer it and I can hear it's Louis but he's shouting about having to see me and niall and not leaving until he does.

"Wait here" I mumble to niall and pull myself out of bed. It's torture. Pure agony. But I make it to the front door. One slow step at a time. Because I appreciate them letting us stay here. I don't want to bring un- necessary trouble and drama to their home. That's not fair on the Mendes' .

"What louis?" I mutter as I make it to the door. I'm only in boxers and my whole body is black and blue. Including my left eye that I can't as of yet open.

"Fuck! Harry I'm so- I'm so sorry baby-" he gasps and reaches for my face. I flinch and step backwards.

"Don't touch him!" Niall shouts and pushes Louis backwards out of the door. He frowns at first but as soon as the confusion wears off, he sees red. I see it in his fierce eyes and the clenching of his jaw and the fisting of his hands.

 

So when he lunges forwards after niall, I block him once again. Only this time he does stop. He stops before he hits either of us and then takes a few steps backwards.

"I don't know what you keep defending him" Louis snaps.  
"He's my son" I say bluntly. That's it. That's the long and short of it. He's my son and I love him more than any one and anything else in the world.

"He isn't though" Louis laughs dryly.

"He is. He is my son in every aspect baring biology-" 

"-Where unfortunately I'm related to you" niall snaps.

"But you aren't" Louis mumbles and he looks more angry than anything.  
"What do you mean? You're my dad. Unfortunately." Niall mumbles.

"I thought I was. Until your slag of a mother drops the bomb shell she was cheating on my when we were together. You aren't mine. DNA test confirms it" Louis snarls and hands me an envelope with DNA results in.

I take the crispy envelope and remove the poisonous letter inside.

"What does it say?" Niall whispers after I've skim read the letter.

"It's true. Louis isn't your biological dad" I mumble in complete and utter shock.

"W-who did she sleep with?" Niall mumbles.

"Harry. Be a dear and check this envelope" Louis mutters, his voice is laced with sarcasm. But I do. I take the second envelope and pull out the second lot of DNA results.

"99.9 % accurate" Louis smirks as my whole body slouches. My palms are sweaty and my face is pale and my body is numb.

"Papa. Who is my real father?" Niall mumbles with a slight urgency.

"Zayn" I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys and gals.
> 
> Thinking of moving my page yo Watpad.
> 
> Any thoughts??


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE CLIFF HANGER !!
> 
> I'M ALSO SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY !!
> 
> SUPER LONG CHAPTER TO MAKE UP FOR ME BEING SHIT !!

Harry pov

"Ni? Talk to me babe" I whisper as I rub small calming circles into his back.

He doesn't speak. He doesn't move. He's just staring at the piece of paper he took off of me. Staring at the words that confirm his whole life has been a lie. The paper that confirms, he is essentially a stranger in his own life. On top of all the other bull-shit he's had to cope with, he's been living a lie for 15 years.

"Niall? Come on inside babe. We can have a cuppa tea and try to make sense of things" shawn offers from the door way. His voice is calm and soothing but when I turn to face him, he is anything but.

"I wanna see zayn" he whispers nervously. Almost as if he isn't allowed.  
"Okay babe. We can see him tomor-"  
"-Now. I wanna see him now. And Molly" he interrupts me.

It's quite sad to be honest. Not that he wants to see zayn, I understand that. He wants answers and he's not the only one. But it's sad that he has a biological mum and dad but calls them by their first names, not their parental status.

"Right. I'm off. Enjoy" Louis laughs and I grab his arm.  
"Niall is your son-" i begin but he cuts me off.  
"- No he isn't."

"He is. You've raised him for 15 years but because you find out he's not biologically yours, you don't wanna know?" I scoff.

"Pretty much."  
"How do you do that. How do you turn off your feelings and emotions for him?" I whisper in surprise.

"Like this. Imagine a light switch. Flick. Buh-bye" he says plainly.  
"Don't you want answers?" I snap.  
"Yeah. Yeah I do actually. Stick kettle on shawn. I'll ring zayn and molly" he smiles sarcastically and let's himself into the Mendes' house.

I make to tell Louis to leave. That this isn't the time or place to start inviting people round, but Tom grabs my arm lightly and smiles.

"It's okay. Niall needs this"  
"We're gate crashing your house. It isn't okay" I sigh. Rather embarrassed with Louis to be perfectly honest.  
"It is. Come on. Niall needs you right now" he assures me and I thank him before making my way to the living room.

Niall is sat on the sofa with shawn sat next to him. I sit on the other side of niall. Louis is sat on the other sofa on phone to who I assume is Molly. He then hangs up and makes a call to who I'm also assuming is zayn.

"Yeah. I know zayn. I KNOW. You better be at the Mendes house in 5 minutes to explain to your son." He snaps before hanging up.

Shawns mum brings us a try of coffee and tea in with all the sugar/ milk/ spoons etc along with cups so we can make our own.

"Thank you" niall mumbles as she sets the tray down.  
"That's okay darling" she whispers and pulls his head into her chest. She wraps her arms around his head and lightly scratches her nails into his scalp.

"That's it lovey. Let it all out" she soothes and I know he's crying. He's crying lightly into her shirt that's now stained with his snot and tears. Shawn goes to hug him but his mum stops him with a shake of her head. He needs this. He needs to have a cry and get all his emotions out there. It's so unhealthy to bottle everything up and try to tackle everything alone. But he is. He is and he does and I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to make it all better.

"S-sorry" he sniffs as he pulls away. He nervously flicks his eyes around the room before looking at his hands.  
"Don't be sweetheart" she coos and kisses his head softly.

"Ni? Do you want to speak to them alone? Or would you like some or all of us there?" Shawn asks carefully.

"Want papa" he croaks out.  
"Okay babe. I'll stay"  
"Want You shawn. Please" niall adds on.  
"Of course Ni"  
"Da- Um- L-Louis? Are you um-wanting t-to stay? For answers?" He stutters.

"Yeah. I do" Louis responds with a calculating look on his face. Like he's assessing the situation and figuring out what to do/ what's going to happen etc.

"K-kay" niall mumbles.

"Shawn hunny, we need some bits from Asda. We'll be back soon" Tom informs shawn and he smiles gratefully to them. They don't. They're being polite and giving us space. Meaning they're having to leave their own home. I feel even worse.

 

"Harry? You can have some more meds" shawn mumbles and he grabs me some paracetamol and a glass of water from the kitchen, which I appreciate more than I can explain. I'm starting to ache again.

I take a large sips of water and pop two of the painkillers at the back of my mouth before swallowing them. I then have another large swig of the water.

It's not long after that Molly and zayn arrive. They both have fear on their faces at what they've done and caused. But surprisingly, zayns face is also laced with regret.

They both take a seat on the other couch near Louis who's scowls at them.

"Right. So, we've been told that zayn is nialls biological dad. I think we all need answers" I start the 'meeting' by saying. This is what happens at work when I arrange for a mediation meeting. We all sit down and discuss the problems and possible solutions on our own with out taking it to court and raking up unpredictable court fees.

"That's putting it lightly" Louis mutters and I glare at him to shut up. Yes he's one of the victims in this messy betrayal but niall is also a victim and he's only a child. Meaning he's less able to channel his emotions and feelings. But, due to his innocence, it also means that it doesn't make as much sense to him as he struggles understanding why people hurt other people, especially on purpose.

"First things first. Is it true? Is zayn nialls biological father?" Shawn asks cautiously.

"Yeah." Molly sighs and I feel nialls rage from two seats over.  
"Why the fuck-"  
"-Louis! Shut up" I snap at him and all eyes are directed to me baring nialls.

I flick my eyes over to him and his deflated stance and silently tell everyone this is about him. Yes everyone else wants answers. But niall NEEDS answers. That's the difference.

"I'm sorry niall. I never wanted to hurt you" Molly mumbles.  
"But you did" he whispers and breaths out harshly and I know he's trying not to cry again.  
"I was trying to give you the best life I could" Molly defends and I feel nialls eye roll from here. He's not buying any of it.

"Did you know?" Niall mumbles and flicks his eyes up to meet zayns. They lock eyes momentarily before zayn drops his gaze with a small nod.

 

Niall pov

"Y-you didn't want me?" I frown and I can feel the first new round of tears gather in my eyes and threatening to fall. I try and hold them back.  
"I did. I did niall. I wanted you so much" zayn argues.  
"But not enough to be my dad?"  
"Niall-"

"- Did I do something wrong?" I whisper.  
"No! God no. Of course not babe-"  
"- Then why didn't you want me?" I frown deeper and hide my face into my hands to cover up the fact I am actually crying. I'm a stupid naive baby!

"I did want you. I do want you niall. I always have" zayn says softly and when I look up to assess his face he moves slowly towards me and squats down on the floor next to the sofa I'm sat on.

"But you gave me away"

"I didn't. I didn't babe. Hear me out?" He whispers and I nod softly. I'll hear him out. Whether I believe him or not, that's a different story.

"At the time, at the time I was with a man called Edward. Me and your mum, we had an affair and believe me I'm not proud of it. But I wouldn't change it for the world. It gave us all you. We were going to give the relationship a go and then we found out Molly was pregnant. We didn't know if we would work and didn't want to bring a child up in an unstable environment. So we decided to come clean and raise you with our own partners" he explains and that makes sense. Except it doesn't?

"So how come I was raised with da- L-louis as my dad?"

"Your mum thought it better that, better that you were rasied by traditional parents" he whispers and I almost don't hear him. Almost.

"Traditional as in?" Shawn asks cautiously.  
"Straight" zayn supplies and my anger towards my 'mother' boils even more.  
"Molly? Is that true?" Papa snaps.  
"Well- yeah. I wanted niall to grow up with a mum and dad. Not two dad's."

"How ironic. I now have a mum and three dads." I snap at her. How dare she!? How dare she decide my future based on what she wants!

"Wait a minute"   
Shawn sighs and waves his arms to try and get us all to shut up. We all comply and face him curiously.

"Zayn knew about the baby and was told he couldn't be the dad whilst with Edward? Why didn't you leave Edward? Surely a child is more important than a relationship you clearly didn't want as you cheated. Failing that, why didn't you seek legal advice? If you wanted access to niall you should have fought for it." Shawn insists.

"I did. I did left Edward. But Molly had already told Louis they were having a baby. I tried to talk to Louis but he wouldn't listen. In terms of legal procedures, without a DNA TEST I had no leg to stand on as I couldn't prove you were even mine. When you were born I got lawyers and we did DNA tests that came back saying Louis was your dad and not me. Legally I couldn't do anything to get you" zayn explains but he talks directly to me. It's like he needs me to know how much he wanted me.

"So are you or aren't you my dad?" I frown.  
"He is. I faked the test" Molly tells us all quietly.

"You should have kept trying. Not bullied me and made my life hell at school" I whisper to za- dad? Zayn.

"Why do you think I got that job? So I could see you everyday. Even if I couldn't be your dad, I could be a teacher and look after you and spend time with you."

"You hated me as a child" I frown.

"No I hated Louis for not listening to me and taking my child. I hated him even more when he started dating Harry. Why was he allowed to date a man but I wasn't? Why was he allowed to raise you in a non traditional environment and I wasn't? I hated Molly for taking my child and not even letting me have any thing to do with you. But I never felt anything towards you other than love."

"You tormented me with the bear!"  
"In hind sight the bear was a bad choice. In a non weird way, I wanted to be able to see you and talk to you and make sure you were okay after you moved schools."

"That bear was terrifying" I mumble.  
"I know! I know and I'm so sorry Nialler"  
"It's niall" I mutter.

"Who do you think named you? I wanted to have at least one say in something to do with you. I named you niall. I named you that so I could call you nialler as a nickname" he smiles softly at me. His eyes crinkle at the sides, showing he's aged since I last saw him.

"I-is that true?" I ask Molly and she nods softly.

I take a deep breath to try and process everything I have been told. It's too much. I can't think at all. Never mind think straight.

"Right. I've heard enough. Have a nice life everyone" Louis mutters before standing up and leaving.  
"Louis-"  
"-Leave me alone Molly" he snaps but doesn't even turn to face her. He just leaves. Well, I guess it's not his family anymore. I'm not his family anymore. Not his to deal with.

"I'm so sorry niall-"

"-Leave. Don't speak to me again. As of today, I have no mother. The only blessing to come out of this, is my papa" I glare at her and she sighs but does leave.

She can't honestly expect everything to be okay after all of this!! She has royally fucked my life up. In some ways, I am sort of- my anger is eased. I wouldn't have my papa if it wasn't for this so I'm slightly less angry. But what if I'd had an awful step-dad or step-mum? One that beat me or touched me or emotionally abused me? What then?

"Niall?" Papa calls quietly.  
"Yeah papa?" I mumble through tears and shawn grabs my hands with his, lightly tracing my palm with his fingers.

"I'm not saying you have to. This is ALL your choice, okay babe? You decide everything you want to do from now on. But if you want to see zayn and spend time getting to know zayn as your dad, I won't be offended or mad in any way" he soothes and it takes me by surprise.

"You're my papa though" I frown at him.

Does he not want me now? Now that I'm a cheat baby. Now that I'm more fucked up than pineapple on pizza. Now that I'm a freak and my life is a mess. I don't know whether I'm coming or staying. I don't know who's staying or leaving anymore. It's all too much. But. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him.

"I know babe. And I always will be. But if you want to get to know your biological dad, I won't be mad or upset"

"I- I think I do. I'm- I'm just confused at the moment" I whisper. I don't meet anyones gaze. I feel like I should know what I want. Like I should know what to do. But I don't. I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel broken beyond repair.

"You don't have to know babe. I'll wait. As long as you need. Take your time to process this nialler and when you've decided, you just need to call me and I'll be here. Even if you decide you've had too much disruption and want to for-forget this. To um- get back to how things were. I'll respect that. I won't make you do anything niall" zayn smiles timidly at me and it eases my mind a little to know no one will be mad at me regardless of what I choose. I can't believe he's willing to give me space to decide. He's willing to back off and put his own feelings, emotions and life on hold whilst I figure out what I want.

"Wh- what if you get bored waiting?" I sigh.  
"I won't" he says firmly.  
"You might"

"Nialler, I've been waiting to be your dad for nearly 16 years. I can wait as long as you need babe" he whispers and I can see the truth in his eyes.

"I'm not saying no. I just need time"

"That's okay babe. I'll leave you my number, message me when you've come to terms with things or if you need anything or if you want to know any information that might affect your choice. Anything really. I'm here"

 

 

 

It's nearly 4 months later I pluck up the courage to press the little green dial button. I've been trying to make myself do this for a week or so but chickened out every time. What if he's changed his mind and he's angry with my decision?

*Ring*   *Ring*   *Ring*   *Ring*   *Ring*   *Ri-*

"Hello?"  
"Hi? Um- i-it's niall."  
"Hi nialler. How've you been?"  
"G-good? Um. Good. You? Have you been- um- Good?"  
"I have thank you darling" he chuckles on the other end and it lightens my nerves slightly.

"So- um- would- would you want to go for a um- a coffee? I feel like I should know more about you than I do"

"That sounds great babe. When did you have in mind?"  
"Now? Um- does that work?"  
"Sure babe. I'll pick you up from Harry's"

"No- that's okay. I'm- I'm in town anyway. Can we meet at- um starbucks?" I stutter.

"Of course! I'll be there in 10 minutes."  
"Okay. Um- bye?"  
"Bye niall"

I hang up the phone and relax slightly as papa comes back with a bag of chees and onion crisps for me.

"All set?"  
"Y-yeah. We're meeting at Starbucks. In um- 10 minutes."  
"Okay baby. I'll walk you over. Would you like me to stay or leave?"

"Um- maybe stay- for a bit. Is that okay?"  
"Course niall. It's your choice remember" he assures me and we head over to the coffee shop on the main street.

Once there I take a seat and papa gets me a hot chocolate and himself and zayn a coffee each before he joins me at the table. Zayn enters a minute later and heads over to us as soon as he locks eyes with me.

"Hey niall. Hey harry"  
"Hey zayn"  
"Hi zayn. S-sorry I- I feel weird calling you dad" I say honestly with a small smile.  
"It's okay babe. It will take time. I understand I need to be your friend before I can become your dad."

"I asked papa to stay. I hope that's okay"  
"Of course. This is all on your terms babe"

"So- what have you been up to?" I ask slowly with a small grin.

 

 

Zayn and I have a lot in common. Over the next few months I learn a lot about not only him but myself. I figure out where my liking for gravy with pancakes came from. I figure out why I'm great at English and terrible at science. I also learn why I'm so fluent when it comes to learning new languages.

"Hang on, hang on. You can speak how many languages?" I laugh over our Tuesday coffee catch up. We meet up three nights a week. Well, two and he watches me play foot ball on Thursdays. Tuesday's is coffee night and Saturdays is fun day. So that's like, bowling, cinema, food etc. I also figure out where my lack of hand eye coordination comes from and why I'm so shit at bowling.

 

"3, 4 if you include English. Arabic, Swedish and greek. Burning not that good at greek. What about you nialler? Any language skills?"

"I can speak lawyer" I laugh but it's true. Safe to say, when it comes to me signing anything in future, I'm not without thoroughly reading it. No matter how small or unimportant the contract may seem.

"No. I can speak English, obviously. French, Spanish, Gaelic Irish, Welsh, Dutch and German. I'm a language nerd" I blush.

"7 languages! You little Einstein!!" He grins.  
"I'm fluent in them all too. Can ask you anything from, 'can I have a pint' to telling you my life story up until this second" I boast modestly.

"You never fail to amaze me" he smiles fondly and moves some of my hair out of my face.

"So, any love interests at the moment?" I grin and he scoffs.  
"No. That hasn't changed since last time you asked. 3 days ago" he chuckles.  
"You need to get out there! You aren't getting any younger" I grin cheekily and he mocks being stabbed in the heart which causes me to giggle.

"What about you and shawn? You two all good?"  
"Yeah. He's been so lovely to me. We've been together for almost a year now. I'm thinking of doing more with him. I feel ready and um- he's been nothing but reassuring and supportive. I feel ready to do more" I say quietly. 

Papa told zayn what happened. In terms of the rape and the tattoo and everything. I couldn't speak about it and asked papa to tell him so he understood and he did. I've also told zayn about me and Shawn touching eachother and that we haven't had sex or even gone past touching yet. He didn't ask but he is my dad and he's been really helpful and patient with me which I appreciate.

"If you're both ready babe then go for it"

"I am. I'm just nervous. But I'm ready. I'll talk to him tomorrow. It'll be better face to face" I grin and he kisses the side of my head gently.

 

Shawn isn't at school the next day as he has a stomache bug. Meaning it's Thursday at my football game I get to speak to him. He wasn't in school Thursday but said he was well enough to sit through my game. I protested. He didn't listen. Hence why we're here.

I've just pulled my match shirt on and am fiddling with the collar when he let's himself into the changing rooms. Everyone knows who he is and everyone is supportive of us which Is amazing! (Josh wasn't but the team captain Elliot punched him in the face and kicked him off the team for calling me a fag).

"Hey babe"  
"Hey shawny" I grin and he pecks my lips a couple of times. His hands rest on my waist and we may or may not get a little caught up in a snog fest before I'm clipped up the back of my head with a 'Get a room!' From Jake. He's laughing though. I stick my tongue out at him.

"So listen. It's nothing bad. I promise. Can we talk later?"  
"Course babe. Is everything okay?" He frowns.  
"Yeah- i just. I'm ready" I say quietly and I see the cogs turning in his brain before his eyes go wide when recognition of what I mean kicks in.

"Are you sure?"  
"Never been more sure of anything"  
"Okay babe. We can talk about this properly later. For now, you go out there and you do me proud!"

"I will do. I love you"  
"I love you too baby"

 

We win the match. It's no suprise. Our team is good and their team was... less good.

Shawn meets me afterwards and we have another little kisses session. Only a little one as zayn and my papa are here and PDA and all that.

"So- if you wanted to- tonight. We could" I hum to him in his ear.  
"Okay babe. If you want to. If you want to wait for it to be special I don't mind. Or if you've changed your mind-"

"-I haven't. I want you shawn" I say firmly and peck his lips.

 

"Aweeeeee. How disgusting!!" I hear a very familiar, very intoxicated voice shout.  
"Louis! What are you doing here?" Papa snaps and I feel two protective arms around me. One from zayn and one from shawn with papa stood in front of me. Once again.

"Came to see the brat play footy. But he's too busy. Busy being all over shawn like a slut" he slurs.

"That's enough" zayn warns.  
"You two must fuck a lot if you can't wait 10 minutes"

He cackles and I feel my whole face flush bright red. I'm so embarrassed. Not at him being drunk and making a scene. As he likes to remind me, he's not my dad anymore. But I'm embarrassed he's telling everyone about mine and shawns sex life. Granted he doesn't know about it, but it's embarrassing.

"I think you should go" Elliot warns but he just laughs.

"You're defending a slut? Do you know how slag like he sounds in bed?" Louis laughs. No one else does.  
"No. I don't want to. That's his business. Now, I think you should leave"

"Okay. Sure. But I have a well done for winning the match present" he smirks and digs his phone out.

 

"Ugh. Ugh yeah shawn. Uuuum. God yeah. Like that. Ughhh."

"God baby. You're so good. Um love you so much Ni"

"I love you shawn. I'm close. Touch me. I need you to touch me. Please. I need you. Ughhh. More"

"Like this? This how you like it baby?"

"Please more. I'm gonna cum. Gonna cum. Ohhh shawn"

"Fuck niall. God baby. So good. Jesus babe"

 

"You recorded us being intimate?" Shawn snaps.  
"Yup. God you're so loud niall. How the fuck do you sleep with him shawn. How don't you want to suffocate him with a pillow?"

 

"I love him. I love how vocal he is. I love that I make him feel good and that he makes me feel good. It's nothing to do with anyone else. So delete the fucking recording. Leave. Stay the fuck away from us all, and we won't have a problem. But let me tell you, if you come any where near any of us, I will end you." Shawn threatens him and I see his shoulders slump in fear.

"You need to leave" Elliot reiterates.

"He's a slag in bed!"

"No he isn't. I'm louder than that. You know What, it doesn't matter how people are in bed. Everyone is different and we all express things differently. It's nothing to do with anyone else. Least of all you. You aren't even related to him anymore. So you having that recording, is mega stalker like and super fucked up. Niall is chill. Leave him alone" Elliot warns once again and louis takes the hint and leaves. But not before handing over his phone to Elliot who crushes it with his football boot.

 

Yeah.

Things are looking up.

 

Next things next. How do you put on a condom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK !!
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO, DUCKY LOVER - I AM IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING YOUR PROMPT. CAN'T PROMISE HOW LONG IT WILL BE, BUT I'M WRITING IT AT PRESENT !!


	15. Chapter 15

Niall pov

We don't have sex straight away.

We wait a few more weeks before giving hand Jobs again. Then we move on to making out whilst giving hand jobs. LET me tell you. It's a challenge. I'm not the best at hand eye coordination. Or at making out. Or at giving hand jobs. Sooooo, throw them all together and it doesn't end up great. But shawn loved it. I loved it. I just wish I was better at making him feel good. But I suppose it will come with time and practice.

Which leads us to making out heavily in shawns bed.

"W-want a handjob?" I stutter as he halts his assault against my lips and presses kisses to my neck and bare chest.

"Hmmm. Yeah baby. Getting so good at them" he hums and rubs his clothed crotch against my own jean covered male parts.

"Ughhh" I moan, getting slightly more high pitched when he licks slightly over my neck, pressing little kisses in between so he's pretty much making out with my neck. It's so hot.

He carefully takes my jeans off and then his own and drops them somewhere near the bed.

"D-do you want- um- a blow job?" I ask quietly and he stops where he's palming me through my briefs and stares me in the face. I now take in how disheveled he looks. His hair is as wild as his eyes. His breathing is laboured pants like he's just ran a marathon. He seems tired but alive at the same time. I have a feeling I look the same. If not, messier.

"Niall. If you want to babe, that would be lovely. But you don't have to. I know, we haven't mentioned them because of the party. And if that's something you want to not do, I understand."

"Um- c- can you not. Can you not suck- suck mine? Not yet." I whisper, a little taken off guard. I thought I'd hidden it well but apparently not.

"Of course. Anything you don't want to do baby, we won't do"  
"I'm ready for everything else. I'm ready- um- i just, can you not suck me? I- I want to suck you- if that's Okay? But- um can you talk me through it?"  
"Of course babe. I won't suck you until you tell me other wise. And of course I'll talk you through it"

"O-okay. Um thank you"  
"No need to thank me babe" he smiles and pecks my lips a couple of times lightly.

"Okay babe. So, I'll lay down. I think it will be easier for you to go at your pace." He says and then gets himself laid down on his back.

"S- so I take them off?" I motion to his boxers and he nods. I slowly slide the pants down his waist, he tries to help but I slap his hands gently. I want to do this for him. I can't promise it will be good. But I'll try my best to make him feel as special as he always makes me feel. He wiggled his hips lightly to help me remove them and once off, I abandon the pants to the floor. His penis slaps up against his stomache and I jump a little from suprise. I didnt expect it to do that. Shawn smiles reassuringly at me and pulls me down on top of him so he can kiss me gently.

"You can stop at any time babe"  
"I know shawn. I don't want to. Help me do it?"

"Blow jobs are messy. That's the first thing I will say. There is no classy or dignified way to suck someone off. It helps if you lick my cock first, if I'm slick it will go down your throat easier than being dry. Don't try and take me all down at once babe, you'll struggle. Ease me down your throat slowly. When you take me further down, breath in as you go down. It helps. Take me further down than you intend to and then pull up a few centimetres. I'll warn you when I'm close because you'll struggle to swallow if more than just my tip is in your mouth" he advises and I must look like a deer caught in headlights.

"Okay babe. So if I was soft, you'd give me a hand job until I was hard"  
"Okay" I grin nervously.

"So. I'm hard. So first thing you'd do is lick either your hand and use that to slick me up. Or you would lick around my penis to get me slick."  
 "And that makes it easier for me to- um- suck you?"  
"Yeah babe it does."

"Uh. Okay" I mumble and bite my lip. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean, I don't know how to suck a willy! Like, I don't even know where to start. Do I lick around it? Do I bob my head? Do I suck or blow? 

May seem like a stupid question. But if it's called a blow job, why do you suck?

"Good question. It's actually called a below job. As in, below the belt. But us commoners changed it because we pronounce it blow." Shawn tells me with a chuckle. I didn't mean to say that out loud and I feel myself flush red.

"I- I don't think I can do this" I whisper and look at my hands. He sits up.  
"We can stop babe. Anytime Okay?" He offers and kisses the side of my head gently.

"Not the sex. I want to have sex with you. I'm ready to do that! But- blow jobs scare me" I tell him honestly with a small lip bite.

"Are you sure you're ready babe? We can wait"  
"Can we avoid blow jobs? J-just for now. Everything else I'm ready for"  
"Of course. Do you want to keep going or snuggle?"

"Um- snuggle" I sigh. I did want to keep going but now I feel like he doesn't. But I think too much time has been spent talking and neither of us are really in the mood anymore.

"Okay baby"

After that shawn and I settle down and cuddle until he falls asleep. I follow not long after.

 

"I'm sorry. About last night" shawn surprises me by saying over a bowl of coco pops. I feel his mum look over at us over the newspaper. She probably thinks we argued.

"Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong" I frown. What does he have to be sorry for?  
"I made you unformforable. I'm sorry Ni"

"You didn't. It was the situation that made me unformforable not you. And we stopped. It's okay"  
"I should have known blow jobs was a bad idea. Why didn't I know? I've ruined everything" he sighs and turns his head away from me. I see the tears before hand. I move round to squat in front of him and hold his hands in mine.

"Hey. Hey shawny. Come on. I'm not mad or upset. You haven't ruined anything. I- I was nervous and the idea of blow jobs brought back memories of the party. But we stopped. As soon as I told you we stopped" I assure him.

"But I should have known before then-"  
"-Why? Because you're my boyfriend? Okay, say the roles were reversed, and I upset you for something I didn't know about at the time. Would you be mad at me?"

"No but-"  
"-There's no but. I love you and this doesn't change anything. If anything, I know to talk to you in future so you know how I'm feeling"

"I'm still sorry" he mumbles and I wipe the tears from under his eyes as he has done numerous times with me.  
"Don't be. I'm ready for everything else. I promise you that. But, I'd like to hold off on blow jobs"

"Okay. I respect that. I promise, we can wait for them" he says hurriedly and I can tell he still feels guilty.

"Boys? Sorry, I know this is important but you'll be late" shawns mum interrupts our chat by saying and we hurry up with our breakfasts then head off to school.

 

 

"I don't think the Nazis were evil" I state in history. We're currently learning about Hitler and the Nazis and how they gased all the Jews.

"Are you mental?" Hannah scoffs.  
"No" I say bluntly.  
"They killed like a million people"  
"Guys. Let's not-" the teacher starts and I but in.

"-Because they we're told to" I inform Hannah and the rest of the class. Everyone looks at me like I have 12 heads. Aside from Mrs Sayers who looks at me with curiosity.

"Oh so if I told you to jump off a bridge you'd do it?" She scoffs once again.

"No- because you aren't an authoritative figure. You don't have any social influence over how I think and act. Therefore, I'm less likely to listen to you. However, Hitler was a Supreme Commander in Chief of the Wehrmacht German Armed Forces. If a commander or someone of authority told me to jump off a bridge, I'd be more inclined to do it because they have influence over how I behave."

"Niall-" Mrs Sayers buts in. I cut her off again.

"-Im just saying. I don't think they were evil. I think they were simply under orders and too afraid to rebel against an order. They were probably afraid for their own lives and their friends and families lives. I know I would be" I shrug then go back to copying from the board.

"Can you elaborate on that niall?" Mrs Sayers asks and I nod. She motions for me to do so.

"If a man of status like that was giving me orders of such a cruel nature, that highlights to me that he has no morals of wrong doing, meaning, he wouldn't hesitate to reprimand me for disobeying him. They were looking out for themselves and their loved ones. I don't think that makes them evil."

"You sound like a psychopath" Hannah mutters and I roll my eyes at her.  
"Niall, can you see me at the end of class please?" Mrs Sayers asks but it's not really a question, more of a..... do it, thing.

"Sure" I mumble and slump in my chair. I can't wait to be told my ideas and thoughts are wrong and that in order to pass history I have to go along with everyone else's thoughts and opinions that the Nazis were evil.

 

"Niall you aren't in trouble. I've asked you to stay behind because, well your ideas and mind set is, well, unique to say the least."

"Don't worry. I'll write they were evil to pass the exam" I mutter from my chair. The whole class has left and I just stayed sat down. Mrs Sayers sits in the row in front of me but turns the chair so she's facing me.

"I don't want you to do that niall"  
"Huh?"  
"I want you to write your opinion on the Nazis"  
"But won't I fail?"  
"Not if you justify it the way you just did to the class."  
"Sweet!" I grin. I can do that! Just argue my case and give reasons why. Piece of cake.

"Niall, have you heard of a topic called psychology?"  
"I've heard of it. Isn't it like brains and stuff?"

"It is brains and stuff" she chuckles then goes on to add "It looks at why we think and behave the way we do. How society has morphed us to be the human beings we are and influenced us to do the things we do. It also includes things like counselling and helping people understand their thoughts and feelings to enable them to channel them somewhere constructive."

"That sounds interesting. Could- do you have any flyers or websites I could look at?" I ask honestly. It does sound right up my street.

"Of course. I'll find you some out for next class. I didn't mean to single you out in a negative way. I just know what teenagers are like. They very rarely want to listen. Even less when they're with their friends. But you have the mind frame that could make sense of this and use it to your advantage. Have you thought about what you want to do after school?"

"I wanted to go into law. My papa's a lawyer and his work interests me. But I want to look into this as well. I think it could be very rewarding mentally to be able to help people like that"

"There are criminal psychologists. They speak to criminals and give psych analyses to figure out what caused them to commit specific offences."  
"Really? And that's their job? To investigate criminals minds?" I ask, fascinated.

"Yes. A lot of psychologists help the police to work out what type of suspect they are looking for in difficult cases. So if they're looking for someone from a damaged back ground or with spouts of rage. It's critical for the police yo know what type of person they are looking for so they can channel their resources to catch the criminal." She informs me and my interest grows.

"That sounds amazing-"  
"- Mrs Sayers? Can we come in?" Another student asks from the door and the teacher nods.

"I'll write you a note for why you're late niall and we can discuss this further next time. But have a look into some areas of interest in the meantime" Mrs Sayers smiles and she hands me a late note.

"I will do. Thank you so much" I grin.

 

"Papa? Can I borrow your computer?"  
"Sure babe. But only until dinner. I need to draft a schedule for dilapidations after dinner." He smiles as he chops the final carrots for the stew.

"Mrs Sayers thinks I'd do well in psychology"  
"You would. You're open minded and have an excellent memory" he smiles.  
"Would you be mad if I looked into it? As a possible college course?"  
"No baby. Why would I be?" He frowns.

"Well I always talked about being a lawyer. Like you. But, now I'm not sure" I shrug and he walks over and sits down beside me.

"Baby you can be whatever you want to be. And there's no reason why you couldn't study both if you wanted to. You get to choose 4 subjects at college. Then you can do a major and minor at university. You could even do one university course and go back in, like 10 years and do something else."

"Law really does interest me. But so does psychology"  
"So do both. There's no law that says you can only do one" he smiles softly and his eyes crinkle, showing how much he's aged over the last 12 years of being my papa. Mind you, he is 34!

"So I was thinking of studying law, psychology, history and maybe business" I throw out there. He's been so supportive of every single thing in my entire Life. I'm not sure why I thought this would be any different.

"I thought you wanted to do music? You've learned guitar, piano and drums especially" he murmers.  
"I did. But that's fun and not really essential" i shrugs.  
"You don't think having fun is essential?" He frowns.  
"Nope. It's not going to get me where I want to be. It's not going to get me as either a lawyer or a psychologist. Hopefully I can find a job that uses both."

"It will. It will keep you sane. Trust me babe. You need fun just as much as academic studies."  
"But should I do a course just for fun? Shouldn't I be looking at the long term impact?"

"Yeah. You should have fun. Long term, there won't be an impact babe. You will be more relaxed and less stressed if you do a subject you enjoy that's fun. It doesn't all have to be books and facts"

"Did you do a fun subject?"  
"No babe. I didn't get that choice. The person I was dating was quite controlling and he decided that because he was funding my college, he decided what I did"

"You didn't want to be a lawyer?" I frown.  
"I did. I really did. That's why I made sure he chose courses that would get me there. No matter the cost."

"He raped you. Didn't he?" I ask quietly.  
"Yeah babe. He did. But, it made me stronger. More determined. I didn't let it define who I am"

"I'm sorry that happened to you"  
"I'm sorry it happened to you too baby." He smiles softly and I get up from my chair to sit on his knee. He wraps his arms around me immediately and kisses the side of my head.

"But you know something, when you're with me. I feel safe. I feel free" he murmers and I know that feeling. It's the same one I get when with papa. Safety and freedom.

 

 

"Papa? Could you um- pick me up some- um- c-condoms?" I mumble a while later. Tea has been cooked and devoured and the plates are empty on the living room table as we sprawl over the sofa in a content food coma.

"Of course babe. For you and shawn?"  
"Mhm" I hum.  
"Are you ready for all the way sex?" He hums as he lightly scratches his nails into my scalp. I'm laid more over him than the sofa. My back pressed to his chest and he loops his arms around my waist, settling them on my tummy.  
   
"Yeah I feel ready. I love shawn and I trust him. He'll look after me"  
"Okay babe. Of course I'll pick you some up. I'll grab you some lube as well, you'll need it" he hums.  
"Thanks papa"  
"No problem babe"

 

The next few weeks are amazing. I learn more about psychology and now I'm sure that's what I want to go into along side law. There are plenty of job opportunities that include both roles so I'm really happy with that. I get applied to college and have provisional places set up as my first, second and third choices. I just need the grades now. But I'm not worried. Not because I think the exams will be easy, but because I'm a nerd with a great memory so I find exams generally easy. It eases my mind more to know I'm a straight A student and all my course work is either an A or an A* meaning if I do bad in the exams for some reason, I'll still do well because my course work will pull my grade up.

So that's great.

Shawn and I get even closer! Not just emotionally and mentally but physically too. We've also gone further sexually which is amazing. He's so lovely and reassuring and calming. It makes me feel safe but like he makes me feel like, it's okay that I don't know things or if I make mistakes. 

It's okay because he has my back and I have his. And that's all we need.

We've done more sexually. He's rimmed me, which sounds disgusting but I won't lie, it felt amazing. It helped that he really knew what he was doing. He's fingered me. Only up to two fingers so far but it was amazing once again and nice to be eased into it. He's also kissed every part of my body after I had a mini melt down over my tummy not being as toned as his. He made me feel beautiful and I returned the motion two weeks later after someone called him a freak for being gay. He was feeling insecure the kisses helped. So did the cheeky make out session afterwards.

So when I tell him I'm ready to have sex with him he smiles and says "I know babe. I just wanted you to confirm before we did anything"

 

Which leads us to Saturday morning.

"Papa?"  
"Yeah babe?" Papa mumbles before having a sip of his morning coffee. Shawn and I join him at the table in our boxers and shirts and grab some toast from the middle of the table. Shawn has butter, I have strawberry jam.

"Shawn and I are- were ready for- to be properly intimate. We've talked about it and it's what we both want. We're both ready. You said you're okay with that?" I start by saying and he smiles at us both.

"Of course babe. You both seem happy. I have no reason to deny you both this"

"We- we were thinking tonight. Um- could um-" I stutter. I don't know how to ask him if we can have the house to ourselves for a couple of hours.

"-'Well that works for me. Because I was planning to have a pint and a catch up with zayn tonight. And you know how these pint chats go. Could be gone for like 5 hours" he winks at me and I thank him for not making me ask. And for also letting us have a free house.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far???

Niall pov

 

The rest of the day is spent being lazy and not doing much.

We watch brave and eat pizza for lunch before going to the park and playing football which results in a play fighting resting match that turns into a mini PDA display as we make out for a few minutes. But it's fun and no one was hurt. Baring that little old lady that didn't expect to see me straddling shawns knee sat against a tree as we snogged eachother faces off quite messily but passionately.

Papa leaves for the pub to have a catch up with zayn which does suprise me when I open the door to him standing there and he asks for papa.

"Can I throw something out in the open?" I mumble as papa ties his Chelsea boots.  
"Course Nialler"  
"Yeah babe"

"I'm not saying you are, but if you two are getting together or dating or anything happens in the future, I don't mind. But, I'm not being dragged into it. So feel free to go there but I'm remaining impartial to any fall outs. Is that okay?"

"That sounds reasonable to me niall. Thank you for your blessing. In not saying we are going there. But it's nice to know that if there is a spark, you wouldn't be against it" papa smiles.

"It does mean a lot that you'd be open to us being together niall. If anything does happen, well keep you in the loop but won't make you pick sides or get involved if things go pear shaped" dad adds. That's another thing. I had a chat with zayn and he's over the moon I've asked if I can call him dad. So he's now known as dad.

"Bye have fun. Stay safe" I grin as they both leave. Shawn sees them out with me and once they're gone around the corner, I close the door and press our lips together.

"There's no rush babe." Shawn chuckles as I press him against the wall with my body weight and start trying to take his jacket off as I kiss down his neck gently.  
"I want you" I whisper.  
"And you have me babe. You have me. Let's go upstairs then yeah?" He coos and moves towards the stairs. He holds his hand out to me and I lock my fingers with him as he guides us upstairs.

My heart is racing and my face is flushed and I feel light headed but I want this so much.

"I wish I could have made this romantic for you" he mumbles as we lay on my double bed and I roll on top of him. I straddle his waist and kiss him softly before telling him that this is perfect. All I want is him.

I don't want a fancy hotel or 5 million rose petals everywhere that will be a nightmare to clean up. I don't want big gestures of flowers and chocolates. That would add to the pressure. I just want him. No expectations. No grand gestures. Just us two. Being intimate and completing our connection in the last possible way we can.

I tell him this and it just makes him kiss me harder and grip my neck a little tighter to hold my head where he wants it.

"I'm gonna look after you niall. Do you trust me?" He whispers. Like it's a secret conversation between just us.  
"With my life" I tell him with out hesitation.

He takes my shirt off and drops it to the floor before he flips us over so I'm laid on my back. He removes his own shirt and adds it to the floor pile.

"You're so beautiful"  
"Shawn!" I giggle and cover my face with my hands from embarrassment. He grips my hands and pins them lightly to the mattress above my head with his hands.

"I love you Ni"  
"I love you shawny"

 

He kisses down my bare chest until he stops at my groin. He flicks his eyes up to ask the unspoken question, I nod and he removes my jeans and boxers, adding them to the pile on the floor. He then proceeds to remove his own and chucks them off of the bed.

"Where do you wanna start?"  
"Um- can- I dunno" I sigh. I feel all nervous again and like I'm going to mess it all up.

Shawn seems to sense this and kisses my lips softly. He rubs a soothing thumb in circles over my left hip bone, using the other arm to support most of his weight so he doesn't squash me.

The kiss quickly turns heated until he's exploring my mouth with his tongue and we're battling for dominance. The more I fight for control the more he smirks into the kiss, it's like he can sense I want it and he's kissing just enough to keep control but not too much that I loose hope of gaining control and surrender. I think he's enjoying me trying to be dominant. I get jaw ache though and let him win this round, causing him to chuckle into my mouth. We still explore each others mouths but it's less urgent and more like a slow dance than a rave. I moan into his tongue and bit him a little as he grinds his crotch against mine. He laughs a little but pulls away to see if I've drawn blood on his lip. A little. He shakes his head with a smirk and continues kissing me.

It's a minute or so later when I feel a hand grip my hard and leaking penis and I gasp from suprise as he works over my length.

"Ugh- shawn. Sha-shawn! 'M close" I stammer  
"Can you cum twice baby?"  
"Dunno. Is t- ugh. Is that possible?" I whine and bury my face into his neck as my orgasm is literally on the edge.  
"Yeah baby. If I make you feel real good"  
"Ughhh. Um. I can try" I croak.  
"Come on then baby. Work for it" he smirks and it takes me a moment before I realise he wants me to thrust into his hand. I haven't done that before. He's normally got me off. I'm not sure I want to um- thrust? Into his hand. Won't it make me feel dirty?

"You Okay?" Shawn mumbles as he makes a small love bite on the side of my hip bone.  
"Y-yeah" I murmer before thrusting up softly into his hand. It's weird. And hard. No pun intended. But, it's hard to get a rythem and stick to it whilst thrusting upwards. Especially since I feel a bit like a dog in heat rather than special.

"Wanna a bit of help babe?" Shawn smiles and thumbs over my tip, gathering my pre-cum before gliding up and down my length rapidly.  
"Ugh. Close. Close shawn" I groan and flop backwards. I can't think of anything right now. I can't think of getting him off or helping him get me off. My brain is mush and my body is jelly and my penis is throbbing in his hand.

"You gonna cum for me babe?" He whispers and I nod before releasing into his hand with a grunt. I burry my sweaty face into his neck as he works me through my orgasm. It's a few seconds later when he's still rubbing me lightly that I move his hand away. I'm getting over sensitive and it's starting to sting. My body feels sweaty and tired and lethargic. But I feel so good.

"You're trembling baby" shawn mumbles into my lips.  
"T-that was amazing" I pant with a small laugh.  
"Can you cum again?" He whispers as he palms over my length softly.  
"Ugh. Maybe. I'll try" I pant. I want to. I'm already getting a little excited again and my Willy is a little firm but I think it will take a while  to get fully hard but I can try and finish again.

"Are- are you gonna cum?"  
"I will babe. When you cum again"

I kiss him properly then. I don't want him to not get any pleasure out of this. Not after he's made me feel so good. I feel a finger at my grim as we're making out and groan a little as he presses inside of me. It's wet so I know he's used lube, but I'm not sure when he used it.

"Ugh" I whine once he's successfully got one finger all the way inside. He gives me a moment to adjust before pumping gently inside. It feels strange at first and a little uncomforabtle but I soon adjust. He adds a second finger and I whine in protest as I'm stretched even more.

"It's okay baby" he murmers and kisses the side of my head softly.

He waits a little longer before slowly sissoring the fingers and adding a third. I full on groan with protest this time as I feel like my arse is being stretched in two. I burry my face into his neck so he doesn't see the tears gathering in my eyes. I don't want him to stop. I am enjoying it. It just hurts.

"Ummm" I groan.  
"You good niall?" He whispers into the side of my head. I nod against him so he doesn't see the tears.

He pumps the fingers softly at first and then a bit faster before stretching them out. He then pumps faster. I'd like to say the pain turns to pleasure. But it doesn't. It's just pain. He removes his fingers and I almost cry in relief until I feel him pull away from me and I frown, gripping his arms tighter so he can't leave.

"Just getting a condom babe"  
"Um. Okay" I whisper. He goes to kiss me and I turn my head to the side so he kisses the side of my head. I don't want him to see the tears and the mess that I am. 

"I can't find one. Are you happy to go without baby?"  
"Yeah sure" I pant.  
"Are you okay niall?"  
"Yeah, yeah just close. C'mon"  I lie. I pray he doesn't see my half hard penis lying against my thigh.  
"Okay babe. Are you sure?"  
"Mmmmm" I whine as he presses the tip of his penis against my entrance.  
"Niall? I need you to speak babe. Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. Yeah c'mon"

He presses into me slowly at first and keeps sliding until he's all the way inside me. I whine and groan and half cry and he stops.  
"Don't tense baby. It'll hurt less if you tense"

"Easy fer you ta' say" I grunt.

He pulls his body away from mine but stays half inside me.  
"Ni? Look at me" he murmers and I shake my head at him, keeping looking at the wall.  
"Niall? Baby don't cry" he whispers and I can feel him start to pull out.

"No. I want to. It just- hurts" I pant but keep hold of his arms so he can't move.  
"I don't want to hurt you" he frowns.  
"It's fine. I'll adjust soon" I assure him.

He frowns at me like he's trying to figure out if I'm lying or not. I know he's hesitating so I thrust up slightly, causing him to loose his balance and fall forwards. I bite my lip as he falls and the rest of his length is plunged inside me. Shawn groans and sucks a small bruise into the side of my neck as he thrusts ever so slightly inside of my entrance. I bite my lip even more at the pain and can taste the bitterness of metal and I know my lip is bleeding.

"God babe. I'm so close. Fuck" shawn mumbles.  
"C'mon then" I mutter. I just figure the quicker he finishes the quicker he can get out of me and I can stop hurting.

I can feel him leaking inside of me and it feels a bit gross to be honest. He thrusts a bit harder inside me and moans loud enough I'm sure the neighbours heard. I feel him glance at me as I'm usually louder than this and I thrust up to him, causing him to go deeper inside me.

"Ugh niall" he sighs.

"Uh" I grunt softly as he thrusts harder inside me. His speed and force picks up and he's pretty much pounding into me now. Which is amazing. Sort of. I love him and I love what he's doing. But he's big. And it hurts a little (lot).

"Gonna cum Ni" is the only warning I get before he releases inside me with an animalistic growl of my name. He keeps thrusting into me as he releases and moans my name over and over which gets me harder that I previously was and the pain starts to turn to pleasure a little more.

He collapses on top of me with a grunt and I whine from his body weight. He doesn't move for a minute.

"S-shawn? You're heavy" I whine a minute or so later. I feel him chuckle lightly before making to sit up. I groan as he does so as he's still inside of me and the movement makes him stretch me all over again.

"You didn't cum" he frowns.  
"I-I did. Earlier"  
"You didn't cum from me being inside you" he shakes his head.  
"Maybe- I didn't have anything left" I pout softly. I tried my best to cum for him. It's hard when you're in pain you know.

"Did you not enjoy it?"  
"I-I did" I mumble. I'm just sore!  
"Then why didn't you finish?"  
"I Did!"  
"Again. Why didn't you get off on me being inside you?"  
"I'm just tired. I enjoyed it shawn" I sigh.

"Think you can get off now baby?" He mumbles and I frown before realising what he means. He's still inside of me. He rolls his hips against mine and I whine from over sensitivity and push him off me.

"See? You didn't enjoy it. You're pushing me away" he snaps, still inside me and straddling my waist so I can't move.  
"Shawn? Ugh. C-can you get out of me? Please. 'M sore" I whimper.

"I didn't know I hurt you that much" he frowns and so do I. He knew he hurt me. He knew I was in pain and didn't stop. He didn't try to ease my pain or comfort me. Heck, he's STILL inside of me.

"I'm sore shawn. Get out of me please." I mumble with more urgency.  
"I can't believe you didn't enjoy this. It was actually good" he mumbles but does pull out of me.

I gasp and cry in pain as he slides out of me. I feel his cum drip out of my arse on to the duvet below and it's gross and disgusting but I can't move right now. What does he mean 'actually' ?

"What- what do you mean 'actually'? "  
"Niall! I didn't mean to-"  
"-What? Say that out loud?"  
"Yeah-"  
"-That doesn't make it any better-" i scoff and roll onto my side so I can find some pain killers. So much for being made love to.

"-I know-"  
"- What did you mean by it?"  
"Nothing"  
"You must have meant something. Did you expect it to be bad?" I mumble into my hands as I sit up slightly so I can take the paracetamol I've found in my bed side table draw. I wash two down with some two day old water.

"I- of course not-"  
"-Don't lie to me" I warn him quietly and he sighs.

"I was expecting it to be not great" he sighs honestly and my heart shatters. So much for I'll guide you and teach you everything baby. So much for making love and having eachothers backs.

"You knew I was in pain and you didn't stop" I mutter.  
"Well- I knew if it got too much, you'd tell me" he stutters. I can tell he's lying. His eyes flick to the left.

"C-can you get me a cloth please?" I mumble. I want to get out of bed and get it but I'm hurting and dripping with cum and my body feels like jelly.  
"Course babe. I'll clean you up" he says firmly and tries to kiss my head. I turn away from him. He kisses my head anyway.

He comes back in a moment later with a wet cloth and makes to clean me up. He hesitates and then tries to clean me all in one go. I know there's something wrong.

"What's up?"  
"Nothing niall. Get some sleep"  
"Shawn, get off. Wha- What? You made me bleed" I mumble as I look at my bright red crotch. There's not enough blood for it to be life threatening. But enough for it to be serious.

"You split me" I frown.  
"I'm sorry! I thought it would be okay-"  
"- You knew?! You knew I'd split during sex and you kept going?" I snap.

"I thought you were enjoying it-"  
"y-you split me open! I was in pain-"  
"-I wanted to make you feel good. I wanted you to cum again-"

"-Why? So you could feel better about tearing me-"  
"-next time I'll be more careful-"

"-There won't be a next time" I snap.

"What?"  
"Get out of my house" I mutter then roll away from him and face the wall.

I hear the front door slam a minute later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry for ruining Shiall :(
> 
>  
> 
> Anyone know how they want this to end???


	17. Chapter 17

Harry pov

 

"Shhhh. You'll wake niall up" I giggle as zayn nibbles my neck and nearly face plants the floor. I grab his arm to stop him falling as he stumbles into the wall and looses his footing. He laughs and I shhhhh him by putting my finger in front of my lips and whispering "shhhh" through giggles. In all honesty I'm probably being louder than he is.

"I thought they were getting busy?" He mumbles as I lock the front door and I shrug.  
"They are. Or were"  
"Then why isn't shawn here?" He frowns, tilting his head to the side adorably. I know where niall gets his adorableness from.

"He is" I laugh.  
"Nuh ugh. His shoes aren't here" he shakes his head and it's my turn to frown then as we both glance at the floor, where shawns shoes were.

We head upstairs quietly but quickly as I want to make sure nialls okay.  
"Niall? You awake babe" zayn mumbles through the door. Not loud enough to wake him if he is asleep. But loud enough to be heard if he's awake.

No reply.

"He must be asleep" zayn mumbles and quietly opens the door. It gets about 10 inches open before hitting his cupboard once again and I sigh. Zayn frowns, obviously not understanding he does this when upset.  
"Niall? Are you awake?. No reply, he must be asleep" zayn mutters once again and I inform him niall is in fact awake.

"He's awake. Niall let me in babe" I say. I nudge zayn out of the way and see how far I can squash through the door. I can get my arm and part of my shoulder in but that's it. I stand back and once again use my shoulder to force the door open, despite of zayn protests.

"He doesn't want to talk clearly"  
"He doesn't have to. I've never made him talk to me when he's upset. I'm just making sure he's okay and giving him cuddles so he knows he CAN talk to me"

"Niall? Babe come on. I know you're awake. You sleep talk. And shuffle" I joke but he lays motionless and facing the wall. I can see he's breathing from where I'm stood in the doorway. I can also see his body deflate like he's sighing.

"You don't have to talk to me darling. But you can. If you want to or need to you can. I won't judge you. I won't be mad at you or hate you and I won't think any less of you. Okay?"

"You won't understand" he mutters into his pillow.  
"Even if I don't understand. You can talk to me. Failing that I give great cuddles"

"You do give great cuddles" he mutters with a small grin as he looks over his shoulder at me. I use that as a go ahead to pick him up under his armpits like a child and sit him against my chest as i lean against the wall. Zayn looks at me like I'm insanely strong but I've done this hundreds of times. Unfortunately.

I rub his back with one hand and card through his messy hair with the other. Zayn comes and sits next to me and rubs nialls thigh. Niall sits over me chest to chest but faces his head down so he's looking in between our stomaches.

"You wanna talk about it?" I whisper and he shakes his head.  
I nod my head understandingly and kiss the top of his hair.

"Niall? You're bleeding babe" zayn mutters and I frown. I pull niall away from my chest, despite his whining protests, and check him over for injury. I can't see anything.

" 'S fine" he mutters before snuggling into my chest again.  
"Where are you bleeding babe?" Zayn tries again.  
"My arse" he half snaps half sighs.

"Wait? what?!" Zayn panics and I glance down near nialls man hood. He is naked but he's my son and I don't look at him down there. Never have. Unless it was to clean him up. Now I focus on it, I can see dried blood around his crotch and bum.

"Niall? You don't have to talk about it okay. But, two things; first thing, I can tell you had sex with shawn. Was it consensual?" I say firmly but not nasitly. I need him to know this is what's happening but he isn't in trouble.

"Yeah. We both consented" he mumbles.  
"You promise me baby?"  
"Yeah. I wanted to it, it just hurt" he whispers and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

"Okay baby okay." I whisper into his hair. "Second thing, I'm going to clean you up babe and see how bad you've split- might have to call the doctor- "

 

"H-how did you know?" He looks up at me like a deer caught in headlights. Eyes wide, mouth slightly parted in shock but biting his bottom lip nervously.

"I've been there babe. Come on, let me check you over" I sigh quietly. I can feel zayns eyes on me from what I said, I can also feel nialls disappointment in shawn and it makes me want to break every bone in his stupid little body. Shawns bones. Not nialls.

"I'll get you some pain killers niall" zayn mutters and leaves the room.  
"I've upset him. Haven't I?" Niall mumbles.

"No babe. The situation has upset him. You have to remember, you're his baby. He doesn't want to see you hurt and you are and he can't do anything about it. He couldn't stop it and now he can't fix it. He just feels a bit useless" I explain to niall. Trying to assure him that he's not to blame.

Niall doesn't respond but I can see him calculating things in his brain. It's not until zayn comes back with some paracetamol and a glass of orange juice that niall speaks again. Niall takes the pain killers one at a time and washes each one down with water.

"I wanted to have sex with him and I consented. It just hurt too much for me to enjoy it" he whispers.  
"Did you tell him you were in pain?" Zayn soothes.

"No. I thought it would get better. It just, didn't. But he knew I was hurting"  
"How do you know that babe?" I frown.  
"He told me. He said he knew I was in pain but thought I'd stop him if it got too bad."

"Are you kidding me!?" Zayn roars and niall flinches. I punch zayns arm lightly and motion to niall as if to say 'calm down you're scaring him'. He complies.

"We aren't mad at you babe. We're mad at him for hurting you" I assure niall.

"He knew he split me and still kept going"  
"I'm gonna kill him" zayn mutters.  
"Join the club. But right now, our priority is making sure niall is okay" I tell both zayn and niall.

"Are you still hurting babe?" I ask as I manover niall so I can assess the damage of shawn splitting him open. I can't get over it. Im fuming! And where was i whisky my son was being hurt? In the fucking pub having pint after pint. Talk about bad parenting.

"Yeah a bit" he mutters.

I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it so I don't force him. I check to make sure the damage isn't too bad that it won't heal on its own but thankfully it's only a small tear that will heal by itself. That's not to say that having sex like that wasn't painful. It bloody well is! I know from experience.

Niall falls asleep on my chest after I help him into some boxers and a shirt. I glad he isn't shy or insecure of his body anymore. Shawn has helped him over come that. As well as many other fears, which is why I'm so annoyed at him. He seemed like one of the good guys. But I guess, unfortunately, looks can be deceiving.

 

Niall pov

I've turned my phone off from shawn.

By that I mean, I've blocked him on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and deleted his number after telling him to delete mine.

He protested. Argued his case to me by spamming me with texts for the next 4 days until I block him.

 

22:12 pm From: Shawn <3  
M sorru

22:19 pm From: Shawn <3  
So sorry niall

22:47 pm From: Shawn <3  
Ni?

23:05 pm From: Shawn <3  
Plz jst tlk t me

23:33 pm From: Shawn <3  
Im sorry 4 hurting u

23:34 pm From: Shawn <3  
I love you

23:41 pm From: Shawn <3 dnt do this  
We should @ lest tlk bout ot!

23:59 pm From: Shawn <3  
Miss u

07:12 am From: Shawn <3  
M sorryyyyy

08:01 am From: Shawn <3  
Are you there?

08:13 am From: Shawn <3  
Niallllllll?

09:49 am From: Shawn <3  
Jjst tlk t me

11:23 am From: Shawn <3  
Im sorry. Okay?!

11:34 am From: Shawn <3  
I love you

11:57 am From: Shawn <3   
We should talk !!!!!!! ????

11:58 am From: Shawn <3  
Miss u loads

14:12 pm From: Shawn <3  
Fuck u then. Im tryna apolgize ere

14:19 pm From: Shawn <3  
sorry bout before

14:21 pm From: Shawn <3  
Was pissed @ me self

19:05 pm From: Shawn <3  
Plz tlk t me

23:38 pm From: Shawn <3  
Im sorry I hurting u

02:35 am From: Shawn <3  
I love you

09:41 am From: Shawn <3 dnt do this  
My bed is cold w/o u!

13:59 pm From: Shawn <3  
Miss u baby

15:16 pm From: Shawn <3  
Yah cant b mad @ me 4 eva

19:19 pm From: Shawn <3  
K. Mabe u can

11:00 pm From: Shawn <3  
I love u baby

06:06 am From: Shawn <3  
Plz tlk taaaaaa me

23:38 pm From: Shawn <3  
Im sory princess

10:57 am From: Shawn <3  
I love you

23:46 pm From: Shawn <3 dnt do this  
My bed cowd. I lonely w/o u!

11:59 am From: Shawn <3  
Miss yuu babe

 

4 days later I have over 300 texts from him. I've read every single one of them. But never once replied. I've also had 72 phone calls from him that I've yet to respond to. I sat and watch the phone each time it lit up. Every single time it lit up with a picture of his stupid face on the screen (Well it's a picture of us) and vibrated on my bed. I watched it. I watched it and waited for it to stop. It did. Eventually.

 

It's Wednesday when I'm back in school that's hardest. Papa let me have Monday and Tuesday off as I was still sore, and he offered me more days off. But I can't really afford to miss any more days. Not with my exams coming up. So I bite the bullet, pull some jeans and a jumper on and grab my bag to head to school.

"Hey nialler. All set babe?"  
"Yeah dad. Papa can you drop me off?" I mumble through a mouth full of toast.

That's another new thing. Dad has been staying over as well. Not in papas bed. He's been sleeping on the couch. I think they're both trying to show that they're both here for me. That we're united. I appreciate the guesture and it's nice having breakfast with them both each morning.

"Course babe" he smiles and I thank him before going to get my converse on.

 

 

"Niall?! I haven't- haven't heard from you. I was worried" shawn calls as I stand at my locker and fetch the required books for my first two lessons.

"Don't wanna talk to you" I mutter.  
"Baby please-"

"-I am NOT your baby. You stay the hell away from me" I snap at him and slam my locker door shut for effect. The mini crowd around us 'ohhhh' dramatically. They love the tension and gossip.

"I'm sorry. Bab- niall. I'm so sorry. Just talk to me! We can fix this I know we can-"

"-No. I haven't done anything wrong other than fall in love with you. After everything I've been through you do this to me-"

"- I'm sorry-"

"-I haven't finished" I snap and he goes silent.

"After everything I've been through. All the promises you've made. All the tears you've wiped from my face, swearing on your life, you'll never hurt me. And the have. In the most vile way you could. You've taken the last part of me that was mine; and tarnished it. You've made me feel dirty and weak and used. That was the last last part of me I had left that was innocent. That wasn't corrupted. I gave that to you and you threw it back in my face like it was nothing. So don't you BABY me. Don't you dare fucking speak to me. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't come by my house. You're not worth my time. I'm worth a hundred of you. Now get out of my way"

"I'm sorry" he whispers as I barge past him, tears streaming down his face.

"Good. But you take your apology and ram it up your arse where it belongs"

"Can we not talk about this? I don't want to lose you. I could come over later? We can talk about this properly then?"

"Sure. You wanna come over? Do so at your own risk" I smirk and his face drops.  
"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, my papa wants to snap every single bone in your body and my dad is ready to do time for detaching limbs. But feel free to pop round" I smirk before walking off.

 

That felt good.

Now, what should I have for lunch?

 

*1 year later*

We have to do what now?

"Create an album. It counts towards your final exam. It's mostly about the development and the creation of the pieces. So focus on the lyrics, backing tracks and design. You will each perform 4 songs that will be graded and judged. There will be a winner of the three songs, so, who ever wins, will get the chance to work with Justin Beiber and perform as his opening act on his next tour. It's a really great opportunity guys. Really good chance to get your name and music out there and create a starting point for your music careers"

 

Mrs Morgan explains as she paces the room. She never has been able to stand still when speaking publicly. Im basing it on nerves.

"One of the songs must be performed with you playing an instrument live at the same time. Another must be a duet with another fellow class mate but you will be graded and judged separately. The final two are yours to play around with. I will be hearing 30 seconds from each song in 3 weeks time. I don't care if that's lyrics, backing track, a base. Just something that tells me you're working on these. After those three weeks you have a further 3 weeks before I want to hear 2 minutes from each song. I've printed out further deadlines. There are no other requirements for each song, but; it must be a song you have written and music you have written fitting within 3 to 4 and a half minutes. No longer and no less" she explains further and hands out sheets.

 

______________________________________________

9 February 2019 - 30 seconds of each song played to me.

1 March 2019 - 1 minute of each song played to me.

24 March 2019 - 2 minutes of each song played to me.

15 April 2019 - 3 minutes of each song played to me.

15 - May 2019 - Songs MUST be finished and submitted.

3 June 2019 - Exam.  
______________________________________________

 

Sounds reasonable.

"Nialler?"  
"Yeah Teddy?" I giggle.  
"Wanna collab?" He smiles and I nod my head enthusiastically. Ed is an amazing singer. And friend. And song writer. And he's good at making sense of lyrics I pull together.  We'll ace this together!!

 

And they're the foundations for my album. Well, mini 4 song album.

Ed helps me write my songs. It's not that I can't, I just don't know how to make the verses and chorus make sense and be emotional to the audience.

 

It's a slow but hilarious process.

 

"I want the line 'even if I don't understand, you can talk to me' in there"  
"Okay, yeah write it down!" Eds grins.

 

"Okay, so I've got -  'You keep saying that you're alright. But I can see it through your fake smile, you're not'     and then     'I know sometimes it gets confusing. You might be lost but I ain't losing you'    then my next line I have is    'Even if I don't understand. You can talk to me.'"  I tell ed as we're sat on my bedroom floor. Guitars in hand, note later scattered everywhere and half a pizza abandoned in favour of me NOT failing my music exam.

"They're good! You could add something like 'hold me close but at a distance. Thinking I don't ever listen, but I do'" he hums and I squeal with excitement. I can't wait for the exam!!

 

"Papa? You and dad are coming to my exam performance. Right?" I mumble over a bowl of coco pops.  
"I can't baby. I'm so sorry, I have court that day" papa sighs.  
"But he wrote you a-"  
"-note. I wrote a note saying you'd be there" I interrupt ed and say instead. I know he means well, but papa has to go to court. It's his job and it's important. The whole reason he's a lawyer is to even out the playing field and give the little guys a voice. He can't do that if he doesn't go to the trials.

"I'll be there though babe" dad assures and as nice as that is, he's not my papa. I wanted my papa there because I've written him a song to say thank you for being amazing my whole life.

"As soon as court finishes I'll be straight over. I just don't know what time that will be"  
"Okay papa" I smile. I know he's trying.

 

But I guess the song was for nothing.

 

"The songs not right" I mutter as I'm strumming the guitar cords written. It's not flowing properly!  
"Sounded pretty good to me nialler" dad encourages from the doorway of my bedroom.

"Pretty good? Pretty good isn't getting me touring with Justin freaking Beiber!" I stress. Does he not know what's at stake here!?

"I'm sure you'll get the gig babe"  
"I hope so. If not do you think I could still meet him?" I pout.

"I'm sure they'd let you. Especially since you're such a big fan boy of the guy" he teases softly.

"Shuddup!"

"If not though babe, me and your papa were going to try and get you concert tickets and meet and greet passes for your birthday anyway"

"Really!?!?"  
"It's not set in stone babe. We'll have a look tonight and get tickets if we can" he grins.  
"Thanks dad!"

"No problem babe"  
"Are you and papa official yet?" I grin.

They're dating but- ("we're not dating!") Just seeing how things go. So they're seeing eachother and so far it's going pretty well I think. Can't fault them really. I think they've known since that night in the pub they were supposed to be together. But they're holding back. I don't know why they've waited so long......

 

 

Taylor has just finished her performances and I'm nervous as hell now. Those are some tall boots to fill!!

"Well, the first song I've written is called, Finally Free. It's about trying new things and being scared they won't work out. But, if you're brave enough to try, there's no reason they can't work out. And even if they don't, at least you tried. I hope you like it" I stutter into the microphone. Ed is standing off to the side waiting for his cue.

I take a deep breath and sing.

 

"Standing here on my own  
Yeah, the first step's the hardest when you're walking into the unknown" I start.

Ed joins in then.

"It's been dark, and it's been cold  
Had my head in the clouds never knowing what lies down below

Then you spoke your truth with no secrets  
Told me use your heart while it's beating

When you're right here beside me, there's nothing else I need  
Your eyes keep me reminded that nothing's out of reach  
When you're with me, it feels like I'm finally free  
Feels like I'm finally free

I didn't know, didn't know what was real  
Had to go to the edge and look down just to see how it feels

Then you spoke your truth with no secrets  
Told me use your heart while it's beating

When you're right here beside me, there's nothing else I need  
Yeah, your eyes keep me reminded that nothing's out of reach  
When you're with me, it feels like I'm finally free  
Feel's like I'm finally free

I used to spend the nights looking at the stars  
Wondering how to get there, is it just too far?  
I used to spend the nights looking at the stars  
Wondering how to get there, is it just too far?

But when you're right here beside me there's nothing else I need else I need  
Yeah, your eyes keep me reminded that nothing's out of reach  
It's easy to believe  
When you're with me it feels like I'm finally free"

 

I finish the song to a round of applause and a dry throat but I don't have time to dwell, so I quickly grab my water, have a swig of it and load up for my next song.

"I hope you liked that song. Um, this next song is a bit more of a chilled out one. It called Fire Away. It's about, well it's about listening to people. I mean really listening. Listening to understand and help them rather than listening to respond. It's about, not necessarily understanding what the other person of going though, but reassuring them you'll be there anyway. Even if you they don't understand, you can still talk to them. This is one of the songs I'm dedicating to my papa. I've had a lot of drama in my life and he's the only one who hasn't judged me or made try and explain anything. If I've wanted to talk, he's been there and he's listened. Unconditionally. And I live him for that. Thank you"

I once again take a deep breath, make sure my guitar is tuned and play the first cords.

 

"You keep saying that you're alright  
But I can see it through the fake smile, you're not  
There's a reservoir in your eyes  
That you've been holding back a long time, that's wrong

Darling you don't have to hold it  
You don't have to be afraid  
You can go ahead and unload it  
'Cause you know it'll be okay  
Fire away  
Fire away"

It's at this moment I look out into the crowd and see my papa standing there with the biggest grin on his face to date. Swaying and clapping along with the rest of the audience, with nothing but love and affection written all over his face. It makes me want to sing better and with more passion.

 

"Hold me close but at a distance  
Thinking I don't ever listen, but I do  
I know sometimes I get confusing  
You might be lost but I won't be losing you

Darling you don't have to hold it  
You don't have to be afraid  
You can go 'head and unload it  
'Cause you know it'll be okay  
Fire away  
Fire away  
Fire away  
Fire away

And I will steady your hand  
When you're losing your grip  
Even if I don't understand  
You can talk to me  
And I will say steady your hand  
When you're losing your grip  
And even if I don't understand  
You can talk to me

Fire away  
Fire away  
Fire away  
Fire away  
Fire away, ay"

 

I finish the song to another round of applause from the audience but even louder this time!! The grin on my face is immense and my jaw is starting to hurt from all the smiling. But I don't care!!

"This next song is also dedicated to my papa. It's called Drag me Down. It's basically saying that, if I have your love I have everything I need. And nothing can drag me down. That's how you make me feel papa. Safe and loved and mushy. Im going mushy! I'm sorry guys. Um, no, seriously though papa. I love you and, thank you for loving me without judgment. You've kept me safe my whole life. You're my landing light that scares away the monsters in the dark"

"Always baby" he murmers. I can't hear him but I can read his lips.

"This is drag me down."  
"I've got fire for a heart  
I'm not scared of the dark  
You've never seen it look so easy  
I got a river for a soul  
And baby you're a boat  
Baby, you're my only reason

"I've got fire for a heart  
I'm not scared of the dark  
You've never seen it look so easy  
I got a river for a soul  
And baby you're a boat  
Baby, you're my only reason

If I didn't have you, there would be nothing left  
The shell of a man that could never be his best  
If I didn't have you, I'd never see the sun  
You taught me how to be someone, yeah

All my life  
You stood by me  
When no one else was ever behind me  
All these lights  
They can't blind me  
With your love, nobody can drag me down"

 

The more the song gets into it, the more passion and commitment I'm giving the song. The more I want it to be amazing. The more I want me papa to live it and be proud of it. The more I want him to be proud of me.

 

"All my life  
You stood by me  
When no one else was ever behind me  
All these lights  
They can't blind me  
With your love, nobody can drag me down

Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down  
Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down

I got a fire for a heart  
I'm not scared of the dark  
You've never seen it look so easy  
I got a river for a soul  
And baby you're a boat  
Baby, you're my only reason

If I didn't have you there would be nothing left (nothing left)  
The shell of a man who could never be his best (be his best)  
If I didn't have you, I'd never see the sun (see the sun)  
You taught me how to be someone  
Yeah

All my life  
You stood by me  
When no one else was ever behind me  
All these lights  
They can't blind me  
With your love nobody can drag me down

Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down  
Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me

All my life  
You stood by me  
When no one else was ever behind me  
All these lights  
They can't blind me  
With your love, nobody can drag me down

All my life  
You stood by me  
When no one else was ever behind me  
All these lights  
They can't blind me  
With your love, nobody can drag me down

Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down  
Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down

Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down  
Nobody, nobody  
Nobody can drag me down"

 

I conclude and the whole audience goes mental. It hurts my ears and scares me a little and I start feeling a bit claustrophobic when they start banging on the floor with their feet. It's all in good sport though. It's a nice way for them to show support.

 

"This next song is called so long. It's about not knowing why you waited as long as you have for something. When you've known from the start it's what you've wanted. So, you're not sure why you waited. Enjoy" I murmur. I grab another quick drink before placing myself in front of the piano.

This is the one I'm nervous about. I'm not the best at playing the piano and hope I don't offend anyone. But, I'll do my best to be amazing. The last thing I want is to let anyone down.

 

"Looking back through changes where we started from  
Don’t know about you but I knew it was wrong  
You know I kept a place for you in my mind  
Now I know you did the same ’cause you’re just the kind

So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?  
I’ve known since we were young  
So why did it take so long?  
You know you make me feel loved  
Make me feel like I’m home  
So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?

Moving on  
You and I started looking back  
Now we’ve got to make up for all the wasted time  
You know I’d never let you just walk on by  
From the day that I met you I knew you’d be mine, yeah

So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?  
You’ve known since we were young  
So why did it take so long?  
You know you make me feel loved  
Make me feel like I belong  
So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?

Just started, just started having trouble believing it’s true  
Just started, just started  
Now we are nothing but through

So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?  
We’ve known since we were young  
So why did it take so long?  
You know you make me feel loved  
Make me feel like I’m home  
So if we knew all along  
Why did it take so long?

Why did it take so long?  
Why did it take so long?  
Why did it take so long?  
Why did it take so long?"

I finish the last few keys to more clapping but this time there are some tears and I hope it's because I was good.

 

I hope it's because I made them emotional. Not because I made their ears bleed.

 

"That was amazing baby! Those songs were amazing! You were perfect niall. I'm so proud of you baby!" Papa praises as he meets me at the bottom of the stage stairs. He picks me up from the bottom step and spins me around like a small child. But it's funny and makes me giggle despite how childish it might look, it's fun. I don't care how immature I may look as a 17 year old man child being spun around by my papa.

"Thanks papa"  
"Honestly babe. So so good. Where've you been hiding that amazing voice!"

"No where. Jus' - jus' in my mouth I guess" I shrug trying to be modest but the blush is prominent on my face.

"Awe you're blushing!" Dad coos.  
"So adorable-"  
"- So talented-"  
"- The best-"

"- you guys! You're embarrasing me" I whine but it just causes them to laugh and ruffle my hair.

We head to get a coffee and I get a doughnut (which is soooo good I don't care if I die from this doughnut because it's heaven) whist we wait for the results to be calculated.

"I think it could be close between me and Taylor. She was sooo good. But then again, so was ed. He was awesome" I mumble.

"You were better" dad says immediately. And whilst I appreciate the compliment, I know I wasn't. I don't want him to big me up because I'm his son and he feels obliged to do so. I think he's trying to make up for lost time. Aka the first 15 and a half years of my life.

"I wasn't though. I wouldn't mind losing to ed or Taylor" I shrug, because I honestly wouldn't.

"We'll find out soon" dad grins.  
"Speaking of which, we would go sit down" papa advises and we head back into the main stage room.

"Good idea"

 

 

It turns out ed wins.

I didn't expect anything less to be honest. He's an amazing song writer and singer and he deserves this chance to prove what he can do.

I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I'm not dissappointed or upset. I'm proud of him and I'm pleased he's getting to fulfil his dream.

 

"I'll get you his autograph" ed grins as he gives me a big cuddle after I've congratulated him for winning.

"Thanks ed" I beam. That's the best thing I could ask for. Something so amazing that money can't buy. Well it could, but it wouldn't be the same as getting it personally.

"Or. You could ask for a picture yourself. I'm sure Justin wouldn't mind" eds murmers into my ear and I pull back to frown at him. Is he inviting me to go with him? I don't quite think that's how it works. Does a plus one get a plus one? Surely not. If every plus on gets a plus one, then where do to plusses end!?

"Don't think you can just invite me on tour" I joke.  
"I'm not. Turn around"

I do with an un-amused look but humour him anyway.

I'm met with the fluffyist hair I've ever seen. The brightest smile. The best looking face. The amazing eyes. I am met with JUSTIN MOTHER FUCKING BIEBER.

"Hey, niall right?"  
"I- um- er- hi-low. I mean not- not hi low. That- that means nothing. I um- i started with hi and jumped to hello. Um- half way. But um. Hi?" I stammer and I'm met with the laugh of an angel. My knees go weak, my throat is dry but I feel like I'm about to nervous vomit everywhere. But at the same time will someone tell these stupid butterflies to get out of my stomache! I forget to breath. I forget to speak. I almost wee myself. And then I pass out.

 

"You okay baby?"  
"Mmm. Hadda dream I met Justin beiber" I hum to my papa and the nails scratching into my scalp go a little harder and there's a little chuckle above me.

"Hmmm. Wanna wake up babe?" He chuckles and I slowly open my eyes. The room is bright but I see my papa squat in front of me smirking. So, who's playing with my hair?

I tilt my head up and see Justin also smirking at me. I dart up quickly so my head isn't laid in he lap and mumble with wide eyes and a bright red face about how sorry I am.

"I'm so sorry! Oh my god. So embarrassing."  
"It's fine. Are you Okay?" He smiles.

I nod numbly.

"Why did you let me lay on Justin bieber?" I mutter to my papa who rubs my back and helps me stand up.

 

"I didn't. You fainted and squashed him to the floor when you landed on him" papa supplies.

"He didn't squash me. He weighs vertically nothing" Justin rolls his eyes.

"Yeah I know. You collapsed and he caught you but you landed on him"  
"I flattened Justin bieber!?" I shriek.

"Could have been worse blondie. Could have wet yourself"  
"I thought I did" I mumble and that gets another round of laughter as they must assume I was joking. I wasn't.

"Did you want that picture babe? I have to get going"  
"I- um- you just babed me. Oh my god. Justin beiber just called me babe-"

"-Niall. Calm down. Breath babe. Don't want you passing out again. Come on. Breath. Good. Now do you want a picture with him?" Papa soothes and I nod my head repeatedly. Still unable to speak.

 

I end up getting about 30 pictures with him. Because my papa is amazing and super quick at getting pictures. He takes a few of us standing close to each other and then a few of us smiling and talking to each other. A few of us cuddling. A few of us laughing. A few of us cuddling. A couple of Justin kissing my cheek.

 

 

And I also find out, once I come round again, that I have about 100 images of Justin sitting with me when I faint again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was this ????


End file.
